1st Rewrite [Text - UN: koko1010]

[scriptwriter]

So doom and gloom aside... I believe that there's a big problem that needs to be addressed here!

Why isn't anyone talking about the awesome gacha games on this smartphone!?

Warrior Stickman. Dragon Odyssey. Blood Empire. Strike Knights. There's so many mobile games around here and I see everyone is just sleeping on them! Do none of these ring a bell?! Have you all lost of your sense of romanticism and adventure!? We just had a tournament with Mario Party for crying out loud! Surely this has tickled your interests in video games a little bit!

For those who don't know... Gacha gaming is the ultimate pass time where you can play video games on your little smartphone here. Pretty self-explanatory, right? But be warn that if you decide to step into the world of gacha... It's a incredible hell that you're walking into. An all-or-nothing bloodbath where the strong live and the weak die. A path of carnage and broken dreams where 1-Star characters are devoured and forgotten by the irresistible 5-Star characters.

In a sense... Our society is no different from a gacha game, no? The strong and beautiful who live in high society are considered the 5-Star characters and we who have been drinking from the gutters and crawling through mud are the mere 1-Stars! But fear not 1-Stars... I, Tennouji Kotarou, the man who rules over common sense, am here to bestow my knowledge upon you! As the chosen "Common Sense Archon" it is my duty to pass on my fruits of wisdom!

So if you'd want a place to start, I can suggest that you play "Glory Kingdom"! It's one that I'm pretty into lately. Ever dreamed of befriending a cute goddess? Ever wanted to build your kingdom from the neck up? Ever wanted to team-up with a crazy tyrant babe who hates your guts, then slowly falls in love with you as you show her the joys of the normal world?!

Then this game is absolutely for you! They're even giving away free gems for new players who join, so what are you waiting for? Don't be a 1-Star, be a ★COOL STAR★ and join in the big sensation sweeping the island nation!

P.S: I was not paid to do this (though I will accept donations since I'm a little low on cash right now from my valuable gacha gaming research)! I simply want to share my joy involving a little hobby of mine! If you have any questions, I'll be more than happy to answer. Thank you. ♥

Comments

text; un: catscratch

[cooperatively]

are you really asking for people to help you whale?

[where are those donations going, huh.]

[scriptwriter]

No, no, no. Such a trivial thing is beyond me.

Like I said before... This is research contributing to the values of entertainment in our society. Believe me, it's for an absolute good cause. You have my word as the Common Sense Archon and the CEO of the TKAR Foundation.

[Someone pick up a bullshit alarm because it's going RING RING RING.]

text | un: maruchan

[fujimaru]

Wow Σ(-ロ-;)
No matter where you go, there's always e-beggars

[scriptwriter]

WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN E-BEGGAR?! Don't devalue my greatness to that level!

text; un: beaumains

[beaumains]

That is




an interesting

if bleak

view of class you have, Kotarou.

[scriptwriter]

I KNOW! Did you get goosebumps whenever you were reading that?! I even gave myself shivers! Kyaaaa kyaaaaaa ♥

Sometimes, I'm so cool that I even scare myself!

video; UN: firstfallen

[corruptedsave]

[They read this whole thing over and well...]

I don't get the big deal, it's not even good games.

[scriptwriter]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?!

Were you born under a rock or do I need to some more overexplaining on how much gacha gaming has contributed to our economy here? Imagine the children that you can feed if you drop one penny into a gacha game!

text; un: saber

[excalibeam]

[ Blinks... who are you calling a 1-star here, you're looking at an actual SSR here ]

how is it an enjoyable pastime while also being hell at the same time?

[ Even with the knowledge bestowed upon her by the grail... she's got no clue what you've just rambled on about. ]

[scriptwriter]

Wahahaha! That's the fun of playing! Yes, it's pure suffering and you'll cry blood, sweat and tears! But whenever you roll for the right character that you really want and get them... Then you'll feel like all of your time and effort was worth something!

[He's more than a little passionate about all of this. Just a little.]

Have you ever truly worked hard for something that you really wanted? Just give an example here!

text; un: tacobell

[itsjiaheng]

bruh

going for the tsun goddess waifu is like so basic

[scriptwriter]

ok first of all

What's with that username?! I've seen better in my sleep!

And second: Don't besmirch the Goddess of Love: Astarte. She might come off as a bitch, but she means well!

text | un: capn_benny

[rotacalamitas]

hey common sense archon! long time no see!

you make these things sound pretty epic, but i saw them listed under gambling. My dads told me a guy as unlucky as me should never gamble, because I'll definitely lose it all!

[scriptwriter]

Greetings, Benny! The man who has shown me the world!

Eh? I-I wouldn't call this gambling... I would say that it's just a humbling past time whenever you've got a bottle of champagne next to you on the hotel veranda.

But what's this about 'bad luck' though?

text; un: manslayer

[hitokiri]

dunno what the fuck i just read or this star bullshit but high society types aint shit. just makes em easier to kill cuz they dont see it comin.

[ as a 3-star and a poor person he resents this bad take ]

[scriptwriter]

whoa whoa whooooooooa

Let's trim those edges a moment, manslayer-san

[Seriously... What's with that username!?]

We're not here to kill the high society types! We just want to show them that we've got our worth too! We can do this without cutting heads, okay?!!

text; un: maou

[owarifool]

as a 5★ ur pullin some real 1★ desperation here pal.

[scriptwriter]

EXCUSE ME?!

I, the Common Sense Archon, is someone who can transcend common sense as much as he understands it better than most!

also you got a lot of guts stepping into this post, you 5★ big shot

text; un: wolfcountry

[impostorsyndrome]

I think the real problem is that you're not even the first person to start talking to me about gacha games in the past month.

But you really went above and beyond with this rant. You're not involved in that Crystal Mushroom quest by any chance, are you?

[his waifu is an SSR thanks]

[scriptwriter]

Ehhhhhh? Seriously?! Was I so invested in these games that I missed some posts!? Σ(°ロ°) This was supposed to be my crowning moment!!

And no, I haven't done a quest yet! But now that I think about it
that would a better way to invest for money, huh?

[And that's why Kadoc is the smart one of this duo.]

text; un: ensignledo

[ferrytale]

What you describe makes sense, as the Galactic Alliance operates on a similar principle. This is most efficient. One assumes that these "5-Stars" are far more powerful and therefore will be able to annihilate the enemy more quickly which therefore also consumes fewer resources.

Tell me, what is the ultimate objective? Once one has acquired all of the "5-Stars" what is accomplished?

Additionally, what other knowledge do you possess as the "Common Sense Archon"? I am still seeking useful data.

[scriptwriter]

Galactic Alliance? Are you seriously from space? Y-You're undermining the value of 1-Stars, 2-Stars, 3-Stars and 4-Stars now... Everything in this world has a use!

The ultimate objective is satisfaction! You show off to your friends to make them feel happy, sad or angry that you got the amazing character of the month! Then you simply wait for more content to come out... It's like joining a festival with friends!

Well, you should ask me more questions and I will do everything in my power to help.

text; un: mcmm

[groundzeroes]

I respect the hustle lol.

add me

[rei leaves his in-game friend code. the main character on his profile is a whaled five star MILF]

[scriptwriter]

Good taste, comrade. I see you're a man of culture as well.

[Going to add him immediately.]

How long have you been doing this?

[commediadellanime]

[Hmm...]

Oh this is one of those "waifu" things isn't it
I've heard about them since coming here!

You're not doing a very good job selling it.

[scriptwriter]

Hey! Calling it "waifu thing" is really cheapening it! It's a way of life! A culture that has been untapped into here!

You know... You could just go for F2P and give it a shot! There was a time that I played like that, but I saw Sayooshi-san in a dream and she told me that I had to start throwing money in if I wanted to expand my kingdom!

[It wasn't a delusional dream! It was fate clearly at work... at least that's what Kotarou believes.]

text| un: gawainknightoftheroundtable

[loyalbreed]

The system you are talking about merely is a means of categorizing ones existence, it has no bearing of a persons individual prowess.

[ Insert Fate Fandom 10 page essay of fights about 5 stars vs 1 star values over reddit. ]

Though you spoke of these games, and saving Princesses perhaps? I did enjoy Princess Peach from the Marior game, and have fallen in love with her rightly. Do you know where I can see more of her?

[scriptwriter]

Ah, Gawain-san! I'm surprised that you can make your username that long! That's impressive!

And you have good taste! I had a thing for her whenever I was younger. Now the question is do you want something clean or do you want some more 'underground' stuff if you catch my drift?

[There's a certain rule that Kotarou would like to call '34'.]

text; un: fastasthewind

[heavenlyskies]

Probably because while all those are good. There are not really any good racing games on them. Besides a lot of things are just money sinks and you have to shell out a lot of money to get the good 5star heroes.

And there's plenty of other things to do besides play on your phone here.

[scriptwriter]

You know... I wonder if we'll ever get Mario Kart next time. I think everyone would really like that. Mario Party nearly got me killed me once. You ever play Mario Kart?

And what are your hobbies since we're on the subject? The Common Sense Archon is your 1-Star ally!

text; un: tachibana.i

[currysseur]

( she feels like she's walked into one one of Itaru-san's rants. oh boy... )

How much did you spend on this?

( AKA how much should they all prepare for Itaru-san to whale here. )

[scriptwriter]

well uh


Let's not talk about adult circumstances. It wasn't too much, but I'll probably be skipping a lunch here or there.

[Whenever he thinks about it in hindsight, it might be a little unhealthy.]

text;

[reloves]

[ There's so much she could say here.

But one thing stands out to Minako more than anything else, and so she is very, very quick to address it. ]

HEY
how dare you use WE when talking about what stars we are, huh?!

i'm definitely the biggest 5 star character there is!!!!!! the goddess of love and beauty herself!!!!!

video; un: RiverofHeaven

[kokuryuu]

[Cue Souma just... staring at the screen, in amazement. He isn't very good at writing we so he turns on video. You now have a solemn-faced 26 year old with a black homespun kimono on and a mop of messy hair that has a bit of straw in it. He's working on a farm today and on his tea break. He swallows and proceeds carefully, choosing his words with appropriate reverence, touching his fingertips together.]

O Great Goddess of Love and Beauty, I hail thee.

Th-th-this lowly one have, I-I mean, has... er, I have long... wanted to... thank you f-for something.

[ooc: I hope this is okay, if not please let me know! Shiru#9324 on discord]

text; un: lilmonix3

[peninhand]

[ ...

The fuck? Where the fuck does she even begin with this post? Okay, deep breath. She can do it. ]

Kotarou. The "gacha" you are describing are highly predatory video games. They're designed to become less and less fun as you keep playing and not spending money. They incentive you to spend, planting the seeds of what is designed to become an addiction. It is very similar to gambling. The difference is that unlike gambling, you have zero chance of gaining anything valuable out of it.

You should stop, okay? Why not take a good book instead of playing this? Or even play a proper video game that's not designed to prey on the player. You mentioned Mario Party, mainline Mario games are excellent and lacking in any form of monetization.

[scriptwriter]

Oh, is this Monika-san? Heeeeeey there!

Now I don't see what's so predatory about this! You're just collecting your favorite good-looking characters without any harm whatsoever. Calling this an addiction is just overexaggerating things! You don't lose until you stop playing! The joy and satisfaction of a cute 2D girl saying how much they like you warms the heart so much more than a 3D girl who can punch you for an awkwardly worded compliment! I've got the bruises to prove it!

And some gacha games have great storytelling elements! The author for "Glory Kingdom" wrote over 4 novels worth of material for a single event! Anyone can get decent reading if they find the right game to sooth the spirit.

[Hmm...]

You know... I think Mario might have a gacha game out there. I haven't really checked yet!

text: un colette

[angelolatry]

Gacha? Five star characters? I can play games on this?

[Sylvarant was not that advanced to have phones. Let alone such games as that.]

[scriptwriter]

That's right! It doesn't just have to be gacha! There's all sorts of games on here. You should give it a go.

text; un: ems

[unhappy]

gross

[scriptwriter]

What exactly is 'gross' about collecting cute girls? I don't understand the logic here.

text; un: Itaru-Chigasaki

[rateup]

[ hi you just got spooked by the winner of the mario party tournament a while back ]

bruh
did i fucking write this in my sleep LMAOOOOOOOOO

[scriptwriter]

[THIS GUY...]

Are you a gacha player too? If this isn't sarcasm, then I assume the answer is 'yes'.

text; un: coffeefiend

[ichoosefight]

wow

and I thought my ex was a nerd

text; un: RiverofHeaven

[kokuryuu]

What is nerd?

text; un: RiverofHeaven

[kokuryuu]

I found many things on this rectangle device like social advice, relationship, map, and infirmation mostly

But
I found one "game" which I like on my rectangle device
It is good
It is called Peaceful Frog Pond

I raise a baby frog


This is my baby frog

text; un: tacobell

[itsjiaheng]

excuse u this is the most wholesome shit i've ever seen uwu