1st Rewrite [Text - UN: koko1010]

[scriptwriter]

So doom and gloom aside... I believe that there's a big problem that needs to be addressed here!

Why isn't anyone talking about the awesome gacha games on this smartphone!?

Warrior Stickman. Dragon Odyssey. Blood Empire. Strike Knights. There's so many mobile games around here and I see everyone is just sleeping on them! Do none of these ring a bell?! Have you all lost of your sense of romanticism and adventure!? We just had a tournament with Mario Party for crying out loud! Surely this has tickled your interests in video games a little bit!

For those who don't know... Gacha gaming is the ultimate pass time where you can play video games on your little smartphone here. Pretty self-explanatory, right? But be warn that if you decide to step into the world of gacha... It's a incredible hell that you're walking into. An all-or-nothing bloodbath where the strong live and the weak die. A path of carnage and broken dreams where 1-Star characters are devoured and forgotten by the irresistible 5-Star characters.

In a sense... Our society is no different from a gacha game, no? The strong and beautiful who live in high society are considered the 5-Star characters and we who have been drinking from the gutters and crawling through mud are the mere 1-Stars! But fear not 1-Stars... I, Tennouji Kotarou, the man who rules over common sense, am here to bestow my knowledge upon you! As the chosen "Common Sense Archon" it is my duty to pass on my fruits of wisdom!

So if you'd want a place to start, I can suggest that you play "Glory Kingdom"! It's one that I'm pretty into lately. Ever dreamed of befriending a cute goddess? Ever wanted to build your kingdom from the neck up? Ever wanted to team-up with a crazy tyrant babe who hates your guts, then slowly falls in love with you as you show her the joys of the normal world?!

Then this game is absolutely for you! They're even giving away free gems for new players who join, so what are you waiting for? Don't be a 1-Star, be a ★COOL STAR★ and join in the big sensation sweeping the island nation!

P.S: I was not paid to do this (though I will accept donations since I'm a little low on cash right now from my valuable gacha gaming research)! I simply want to share my joy involving a little hobby of mine! If you have any questions, I'll be more than happy to answer. Thank you. ♥

Comments

[scriptwriter]

Ouch. That was harsh.

[And Kotarou tears up a little.]

Well, Sayooshi-san on the game said that I was a good king who'd rule with insanity

whoops meant *integrity

sorry auto-fill kicked in

And you'd wear a cute Jafar hat!

[fujimaru]

I think your phone is trying to tell you something, Kotarou-kun
I still pass
Something like this, you gotta go on your own
But I'll wish you luck from the sidelines 。.:☆*:･'(*⌒―⌒*)))

[scriptwriter]

eh? wait is this

Fuji-tan?!
WAIT WAIT

DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE OUT HERE

I'm a beautiful swan in a sea of living sharks!!

[fujimaru]

As opposed to... dead sharks???
Kotarou-kun your metaphors need some work
Anyway I still pass
I gave up on the gacha game life when I started living the gacha life life

[scriptwriter]

HEY we can't all have winners, okay?
I'll bet even Shakespeare had some writer's block every now and then
Huh? What does that mean???
Living an actual gacha life sounds like it'd be really cool
at least you'd have something to brag about to your friends

[fujimaru]

No way
Just think about it for a moment
It's not just money you're throwing to get resources
It's RESOURCES resources
Time and energy and weird things you cut out of
Oh let's say
A wyvern's foot
Trust me, that's hell you'd be walking into

[scriptwriter]

you met a wyvern???
I thought those only existed in myths and legends
I mean... I've heard about them in Guardian
but I've never come face-to-face with one
you sound like a hunter when you put it like that

[fujimaru]

No way wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
More like cannon fodder

[scriptwriter]

YOU YOU
YOU KILLED A WYVERN ALL BY YOURSEEEEEEELF!?
BUT YOU'RE SO PUNY

[fujimaru]

No no no no
I'M the cannon fodder
I avoid wyverns on principle

[scriptwriter]

Huuuuuh?!
I thought you were like a magical girl hunter or something!
How do you survive an encounter with monsters?!

[fujimaru]

What part of me looks at all like a magical girl...
You can't just say "because you have a cute animal mascot!!" either
Everyone has them here

[scriptwriter]

Weeeeelllllll
Most magical girl protagonists are usually the most average of the bunch
and you've definitely got that kind of energy!
All Japanese girls have dreamed to become a magical girl at least ONCE in their life!
Don't be shy to admit it now!! (￣▽￣)ノ

[fujimaru]

Actually I wanted to be a mech pilot
If I had the choice between "cute animal mascot that gave me magical powers" and "giant robot I could go head to head with Godzilla with"
I feel like the choice is pretty obvious???

[scriptwriter]

[There's a bit of a delayed pause here. A girl who likes mecha? And she wants to fight Godzilla? He's not sure if his heart skipped a beat or if he got a boner. Maybe it was both. A 'heart boner' sounded the most appropriate here.]

you know I've never met a girl like you
it's pretty amazing that you're open about such boyish things

[fujimaru]

[ Do not say the words "heart boner" aloud, Kotarou, that's just not going to end well for you. ]

I don't think I'm really anything that special... σ(￣、￣〃)
I just think it's silly that girls can't like "boyish" things
And boys can't like "girly" things
Like somehow it's weird if you do???
It's not like there's a wall or anything in the way
If I like something, I like something!
Why be embarrassed about it?

[scriptwriter]

That's because you're strong
Or maybe you're just an idiot
I don't know which one
But I do like flowers
I just don't have the green thumb for 'em

[Kotori was far better whenever it came to handling flowers. Kotarou gives it a good effort, but his clumsiness usually ends up with them getting withered.]

[fujimaru]

Yeah?
My old doctor also liked flowers
He wasn't good at taking care of them either
But he had a whole little greenhouse he helped take care of
It was mostly for vegetables, but I know he had some flowers there too
But, you know
You don't have to be good at stuff to like it either

[ No comment on being strong or an idiot, though she privately thinks she leans more towards the latter. ]

[scriptwriter]

You think so?
He sounds like a wonderful person
Flowers can speak in all kinds of languages
I might not know all of them, but I've certainly know a bit!
A greenhouse would be nice to have around here
Though I'd have to get better at raising my own flowers first ｡(*^▽^*)ゞ

[fujimaru]

One step at a time!! (￣▽￣)ノ
At the time I got pulled here I'd only graduated to succulents
Before that it was fake flowers all the way (ノ_<。)

[scriptwriter]

Wow really???
uh did you want me to make you a bento or something?
There's convenience stores around here
But nothing beats homemade Japanese cooking!

[fujimaru]

I will never say no to food

[ Even though at this point, she should know better. But it's probably safe to assume that Kotarou doesn't want to poison her. He's more like Goredolf than he is Koyanskaya.

Hm. Maybe that's not a good thing either. She might have made the poisoned cake, but he was the one who didn't think about eating and sharing it. ]

However if you poison me I WILL haunt you

[ Nailed it! ]

[scriptwriter]

DON'T BECOME A GHOST

[Ghosts were still terrifying to Kotarou even after everything that he's been through! It was a good thing that she couldn't hear him make a "Hiii!" noise.]

I don't have diabolical plans like that! If you're gonna haunt me, then make some alluring sexy noises in my ear and nothing reflecting grudges!

[fujimaru]

Kotarou-kun..................
No (o˘◡˘o)
If I'm gonna be a ghost I'm gonna go all out