1st Rewrite [Text - UN: koko1010]

[scriptwriter]

So doom and gloom aside... I believe that there's a big problem that needs to be addressed here!

Why isn't anyone talking about the awesome gacha games on this smartphone!?

Warrior Stickman. Dragon Odyssey. Blood Empire. Strike Knights. There's so many mobile games around here and I see everyone is just sleeping on them! Do none of these ring a bell?! Have you all lost of your sense of romanticism and adventure!? We just had a tournament with Mario Party for crying out loud! Surely this has tickled your interests in video games a little bit!

For those who don't know... Gacha gaming is the ultimate pass time where you can play video games on your little smartphone here. Pretty self-explanatory, right? But be warn that if you decide to step into the world of gacha... It's a incredible hell that you're walking into. An all-or-nothing bloodbath where the strong live and the weak die. A path of carnage and broken dreams where 1-Star characters are devoured and forgotten by the irresistible 5-Star characters.

In a sense... Our society is no different from a gacha game, no? The strong and beautiful who live in high society are considered the 5-Star characters and we who have been drinking from the gutters and crawling through mud are the mere 1-Stars! But fear not 1-Stars... I, Tennouji Kotarou, the man who rules over common sense, am here to bestow my knowledge upon you! As the chosen "Common Sense Archon" it is my duty to pass on my fruits of wisdom!

So if you'd want a place to start, I can suggest that you play "Glory Kingdom"! It's one that I'm pretty into lately. Ever dreamed of befriending a cute goddess? Ever wanted to build your kingdom from the neck up? Ever wanted to team-up with a crazy tyrant babe who hates your guts, then slowly falls in love with you as you show her the joys of the normal world?!

Then this game is absolutely for you! They're even giving away free gems for new players who join, so what are you waiting for? Don't be a 1-Star, be a ★COOL STAR★ and join in the big sensation sweeping the island nation!

P.S: I was not paid to do this (though I will accept donations since I'm a little low on cash right now from my valuable gacha gaming research)! I simply want to share my joy involving a little hobby of mine! If you have any questions, I'll be more than happy to answer. Thank you. ♥

Comments

[reloves]

[ Minako is definitely grumbling to herself here as she gets to work. Because she's so determined to show this FOOL the ERROR OF HIS WAYS.

Which means there isn't quickly a photo being sent. It takes a while - maybe half an hour - because she wants to find the right clothes for it, and do her hair, and do absolutely everything else to make herself look as good as possible.

But then she finally sends the result to him - this picture.

It comes with this cheery, totally not omnious message: ]

LOOK UPON IT AND WEEP.

[scriptwriter]

[And as for Kotarou, he was mundanely handling other things here! Actually, he was in the middle of working out and practicing his light magic. He honestly didn't expect her to reply back at all. So knowing that there was an actual cute girl on the other end of these crazy message throws him off a bit! In fact, he spits out a bottle of water that he was in the middle of drinking.

At least she knows how to take care of herself, he'll give her that! There's a bit of a hesitation over the line before he decides to reply again.]

oh uh WHOA
Aren't you a mature little lady?
You've got long beautiful and blonde hair! I've never seen anything like it!
I guess it's my turn? I've never really done something like this bef

[Kotarou's message was cut off abruptly. Then Minako will be getting this pic sent over. Kotarou looks a bit annoyed at the camera because of his meddlesome familiar decided to swoop down and snatch his phone to take a picture.]

GAH sorry for the cut off there
My familiar just decided to take a picture for me so that's why I look a bit grumpy
But you caught me in the middle of working out
So I'm not my Saturday's best here!
I should probably redo this...

[reloves]

uh-huh
your familiar just happened to take it, huh? in the middle of working out?

do you know how often guys use that sort of excuse to show off? it's not even original anymore!! you have to come up with something new!!!!!!

[ Not that he looks bad, mind you.

But Minako just can't resist commenting on that very specific line. ]

[scriptwriter]

YES my familiar is a pretty smart bird!
She's picked up on things that not even I could figure out!

But since you put it like that
I'll have to give you a ♥special service♥
Guess I have no choice but to bare it all to see
My big beautiful rockin' TITS

[You'll have give him a moment as he takes another picture and sends it over. Just two little birds sitting in a tree. His bird familiar was a few branches over with an expression that said "How dare you take pictures of other birds that aren't ME!"]

Aren't they pretty? And they're bigger than yours. ♥

[reloves]

[ Oh.

Oh.

So this is how he wants to play it, huh? How dare he insult Minako's talent like this! ]

you have no idea of the forces you are messing with, BOY
if you don't watch out, your love life will end up CURSED FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!

AND THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY BUT IT WILL BE TOO LATE!!

[scriptwriter]

[Did someone say "cursed" and "love life"?! Kotarou freezes because of a certain event that happened to him here and someone else. Now that he thinks about it, he hopes that Eustace was doing okay out there. He'd have to contact him sometime...]

WAIT WAIT WAIT
Were you responsible or that cursed love letter sent over to Eustace-san!?
We had to go through a lot of trauma that day, you know!

actually do you think that you can snap a red string of fate between a stalker and him?
AND ME?? because I don't want to be the best man for some creepy lady's wedding!

[reloves]

[ Minako has absolutely no idea what he's talking about. But she knows a chance when she sees one, and she will happily lean into this one. ]

oh, seems like you found me out!

[ Except no...

.. but it can't hurt for him to think she's got powers that she actually doesn't have, right? ]

so, do you want me to pick some awful girl for you too? do you want her to lock you up with heart-shaped handcuffs?! don't mess with me, i'll make it happen!!

[scriptwriter]

NO DON'T DO THAAAAAAT PLEASE SPARE ME

[She can't see it over the network, but Kotarou is starting to cry. He should warn his ally about this girl if he remembers! His familiar is just looking down at him with a "Really? You're seriously buying this?" expression.]

I don't want to do bondage play unless it's with a girl I'm seriously in love with! Or even one of my beautiful waifus in a dream!

[reloves]

[ .. wait, what?

Ugh, she doesn't want to know about these fantasies! What kind of weird pervert is this guy, huh? Especially if he's talking about his beautiful waifus.. What is he even talking about?!

It's really hard to feel bad for making this guy sweat cry a little under those circumstances. Not like she even knows that's what's happening, anyway. ]

well, if you don't want that to happen, you only need to answer one question the right way...

what do you think about the goddess of love and beauty's looks?

[ Be very careful in your answer, dude.

Very.

Careful. ]

[scriptwriter]

[Okay, let's do a little brown nosing here! She wants compliments! Kotarou felt that it was hard to do compliments. Well, not unless he's been genuine... Somehow, being genuine was harder for him to do over doing some grandstanding.]

Your looks?

Like I said before... You've got beautiful long hair like a princess from a fairy tale and nice baby blue eyes. And you've got a great sense of fashion too... Black colors suits you!

[Ugh, this was so embarrassing... Should he say something about her legs? No, maybe he should hold back on that. He just didn't want to be cursed for the rest of his life.]

Is that good enough? Or do I need to keep going?

[reloves]

[ It takes a moment, but then the dreaded words appear. ]

keep going

[ You fool, you really thought she'd be satisfied with just that?! ]

[scriptwriter]

[Yes! He was hoping so much for that!]

YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! I BARELY EVEN KNOW YOOOOOU!

[reloves]

well, in that case i can accept this much, i guess.. for now.

i will require another offering at a later to be determined date!

don't forget!