1st Rewrite [Text - UN: koko1010]

[scriptwriter]

So doom and gloom aside... I believe that there's a big problem that needs to be addressed here!

Why isn't anyone talking about the awesome gacha games on this smartphone!?

Warrior Stickman. Dragon Odyssey. Blood Empire. Strike Knights. There's so many mobile games around here and I see everyone is just sleeping on them! Do none of these ring a bell?! Have you all lost of your sense of romanticism and adventure!? We just had a tournament with Mario Party for crying out loud! Surely this has tickled your interests in video games a little bit!

For those who don't know... Gacha gaming is the ultimate pass time where you can play video games on your little smartphone here. Pretty self-explanatory, right? But be warn that if you decide to step into the world of gacha... It's a incredible hell that you're walking into. An all-or-nothing bloodbath where the strong live and the weak die. A path of carnage and broken dreams where 1-Star characters are devoured and forgotten by the irresistible 5-Star characters.

In a sense... Our society is no different from a gacha game, no? The strong and beautiful who live in high society are considered the 5-Star characters and we who have been drinking from the gutters and crawling through mud are the mere 1-Stars! But fear not 1-Stars... I, Tennouji Kotarou, the man who rules over common sense, am here to bestow my knowledge upon you! As the chosen "Common Sense Archon" it is my duty to pass on my fruits of wisdom!

So if you'd want a place to start, I can suggest that you play "Glory Kingdom"! It's one that I'm pretty into lately. Ever dreamed of befriending a cute goddess? Ever wanted to build your kingdom from the neck up? Ever wanted to team-up with a crazy tyrant babe who hates your guts, then slowly falls in love with you as you show her the joys of the normal world?!

Then this game is absolutely for you! They're even giving away free gems for new players who join, so what are you waiting for? Don't be a 1-Star, be a ★COOL STAR★ and join in the big sensation sweeping the island nation!

P.S: I was not paid to do this (though I will accept donations since I'm a little low on cash right now from my valuable gacha gaming research)! I simply want to share my joy involving a little hobby of mine! If you have any questions, I'll be more than happy to answer. Thank you. ♥

Comments

text; un: tacobell

[itsjiaheng]

bruh

going for the tsun goddess waifu is like so basic

[scriptwriter]

ok first of all

What's with that username?! I've seen better in my sleep!

And second: Don't besmirch the Goddess of Love: Astarte. She might come off as a bitch, but she means well!

[itsjiaheng]

first of all lmao
i'm not here to impress you
what are you 12

secondly
maybe she thinks you're an asshole
i bet u pick all the like
cringe dialogue options lmao
but then
that's me being like
hella generous
because lol
that assumes she's like
well written

lol if you just look at stars
you miss like
most of the game lmao
i bet it takes you forever to farm shit huh
your party stacked with like
shiny 5s but they all have a single target special
a window into your hentai folder tho
screams LOVES BIG SISTER TYPES

1/2

[scriptwriter]

[Okay, Kotarou. How can you handle this troll in a calm, composed and mature way? It's no different from the troll you got on the Occult Club blog post that one time.

He has grown and matured since then. That's why he'll take a second to type in a very polite reply.]

[scriptwriter]

shut up moron

if i see you in irl
I'LL KILL YOU.

[Annnnnnnd send.]

[beaumains]

Kotarou!

Hold yourself!

An internet troll is hardly worth that sort of response!

[scriptwriter]

HE'S TALKING TRASH ABOUT MY BELOVED ASTARTE

IF I CAN'T KILL HIM, I'LL JUST FIND HIS FRIENDS AND PUT THEIR HEADS ON PIKES TO SHOW HIM WHO HE'S MESSING WITH

[He's just a little upset!!]

[beaumains]

They're fictional characters, Kotarou!

[scriptwriter]

THEY'RE REAL TO ME

Why am I being held back from doing some actual 'chivalry' whenever someone is talking down to a beautiful maiden!? Double standards, man!

text; un: wolfcountry

[impostorsyndrome]

He's too far gone. Damn...it wasn't even good trolling.

[beaumains]

It was particularly mean spirited, though, and I do feel for him, but he's only going to make things worse.

[impostorsyndrome]

You could say that about every single thing happening in this post, and you'd still be understating what's happening here tonight.

Knight of Doggies.

text; un: tacobell

[itsjiaheng]

excuse u
he came at me first

[ telling kotarou his waifu is basic is just stating facts he's innocent ]

[impostorsyndrome]

I'm not implying he deserves good trolling or anything. He clearly didn't need it.

[itsjiaheng]

lmaoooooooo
u mad bro

[scriptwriter]

not as mad as you'll be when i've murdered your friends, family and everyone you cared about

[itsjiaheng]

lmao that's a lot of shit you're talking
for someone that probably can't even back it up
u really don't wanna fuck with me haha




also my boyfriend is like
a ninja

[scriptwriter]

okay be honest

Are you being serious or are you just making crap up? Because I am not falling for a bait-and-switch (again).

Also real men settle their conflicts with their fists! Depending your answer, I won't punch you at least.

text; un: RiverofHeaven

[kokuryuu]

[At work, on his break, Souma slowly lets go of his bamboo water bottle but only with the top fingers. The thing spins slowly, and all of his infused water dribbles out onto the dirt.

His people are right, it definitely feels like a stab in the chest, he decides. As it is said in her legend, the goddess of love's blade strikes swift and true, and then the hooked, serrated curve of her cruel halberd deals more damage on the way out.

Oh....


Oh. It really happened.

Lee Jongdae got a boyfriend.

Souma breathes in through his tongue and teeth, trying very hard to collect himself. Blinking many times, he stays otherwise still as a statue for several minutes. One of the other farmhands at the place he found work has to ask him if he's good, and he nods, putting on a brave face and pinching his bottom lip in his teeth.

It's okay, he tells himself. Fate can be this way. I can... admire Lee Jongdae from afar. From the shadows.]

He threatened your friends and family with death
If you need, I shall help to
to defend your honour

text; un: RiverofHeaven

[kokuryuu]

Actually
Farming shit does not take forever if you have enough cows
And you are feeding them well

They defecate many times a day

[itsjiaheng]

uh
hhhhh
heh you would know more than me about actual farming for sure hehe
farming in games works a little different
i can show you though
i mean
it's not super exciting but i could...

[kokuryuu]

It is fine
I don't like super exciting very much there's too much to try to remember all at once
Or too many things moving on the screens

[itsjiaheng]

well then i'll teach you!
i gotta do a bunch of that soon
because i wanna finish levelling up a new character
and i'll show you
and you can probably tell me what's inaccurate about the fighting lmao

1/2

[kokuryuu]

I like watching you

2/2

[kokuryuu]

play video games

yes good