1st Rewrite [Text - UN: koko1010]

[scriptwriter]

So doom and gloom aside... I believe that there's a big problem that needs to be addressed here!

Why isn't anyone talking about the awesome gacha games on this smartphone!?

Warrior Stickman. Dragon Odyssey. Blood Empire. Strike Knights. There's so many mobile games around here and I see everyone is just sleeping on them! Do none of these ring a bell?! Have you all lost of your sense of romanticism and adventure!? We just had a tournament with Mario Party for crying out loud! Surely this has tickled your interests in video games a little bit!

For those who don't know... Gacha gaming is the ultimate pass time where you can play video games on your little smartphone here. Pretty self-explanatory, right? But be warn that if you decide to step into the world of gacha... It's a incredible hell that you're walking into. An all-or-nothing bloodbath where the strong live and the weak die. A path of carnage and broken dreams where 1-Star characters are devoured and forgotten by the irresistible 5-Star characters.

In a sense... Our society is no different from a gacha game, no? The strong and beautiful who live in high society are considered the 5-Star characters and we who have been drinking from the gutters and crawling through mud are the mere 1-Stars! But fear not 1-Stars... I, Tennouji Kotarou, the man who rules over common sense, am here to bestow my knowledge upon you! As the chosen "Common Sense Archon" it is my duty to pass on my fruits of wisdom!

So if you'd want a place to start, I can suggest that you play "Glory Kingdom"! It's one that I'm pretty into lately. Ever dreamed of befriending a cute goddess? Ever wanted to build your kingdom from the neck up? Ever wanted to team-up with a crazy tyrant babe who hates your guts, then slowly falls in love with you as you show her the joys of the normal world?!

Then this game is absolutely for you! They're even giving away free gems for new players who join, so what are you waiting for? Don't be a 1-Star, be a ★COOL STAR★ and join in the big sensation sweeping the island nation!

P.S: I was not paid to do this (though I will accept donations since I'm a little low on cash right now from my valuable gacha gaming research)! I simply want to share my joy involving a little hobby of mine! If you have any questions, I'll be more than happy to answer. Thank you. ♥

Comments

[impostorsyndrome]

You're doing just fine. Which is kind of the answer to that question. Everything else in here is a goddamn mess.

I just think it sounds funny. And I'm typing, so I can get away with it without having to try and say "Knight of Doggies" out loud.

[beaumains]

Typed or not, I politely request you not call me that.

It's insulting.

[impostorsyndrome]

All right, I'm sorry.

[Damn . . . it was cute even if it was insulting . . . ]

[beaumains]

Apology accepted.

Now hopefully I can keep Kotarou from digging his own grave.

[impostorsyndrome]

It's gotten to the point where I feel a little bad about all the shit he's getting even if he brought it on himself. But that's kinda how he operates as a person.

On the other hand, he's also offering your brother Mario porn.

[beaumains]

I'm just pretending I don't see that.

[ because she can't say Gawain would not accept. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

Yeah, pretend I didn't say anything about it.

Sometimes I question my choice to read all this crap.

[beaumains]

Because even if he is


like this


he's still our friend and I suppose it's our instincts to make sure he doesn't do anything too bad.

[impostorsyndrome]

I meant everything else that gets posted too, but this is pretty much the peak, at least for this month so far. There's still time for someone to outstupid this.

Our friend, huh

Ugh, I guess. How'd I get caught up in that?

[beaumains]

Strange times make for strange bedfellows, as the saying goes.

[impostorsyndrome]

No kidding. I think at this point, enough of my life could be considered strange times that I should be used to ending up with the weirdest damn people in my life by now. You could probably say the same.

[beaumains]

Probably, but all strangeness aside, I can't regret a bit of it.

That includes you, of course.

[impostorsyndrome]

Don't worry, the day will come.

[He shouldn't just be flippant! It's just easier than dealing with her being so earnest and positive all the time! Even in text where he doesn't have to look her in the face for it. Sigh.]

But I'm glad to hear it.

[beaumains]

There you go doomposting again.

No biscuits for you.

[impostorsyndrome]

That's not doomposting! Self-deprecation is a step up from "An all-or-nothing bloodbath where the strong live and the weak die."

This whole post was secretly a doompost all along.

The biscuits smell good.

[beaumains]

As they should. They're orange and chocolate.

A shame you can't have any.

[impostorsyndrome]

My doomposting was a vision of the future. I'm a social Nostradamus. I don't deserve this for that.

[beaumains]

As Lord of this kitchen, I can be merciful.

Say something nice about yourself.

[impostorsyndrome]

This is so embarrassing, and you know it is.

[But, after another few moments:]

I thought "social Nostradamus" was pretty funny.

[beaumains]

Embarrassing, but necessary.

And you are indeed really funny, even when you're not particularly trying. You at least make me laugh pretty often!

[impostorsyndrome]

Sheesh. I know you mean that, too. Surprise surprise, I'm not great at dealing with compliments any more than I am giving them to myself.

[beaumains]

Maybe not, but I'll keep giving them until they feel more natural!

Also, you've earned your way back into biscuit graces. I'll leave some on the table for you.

[impostorsyndrome]

I'll take my win, thanks. And the biscuits.

You mind if Tennouji drops by?

[You know, to get punched in the face, or at least so Kadoc is claiming, for however much that can be trusted.]

[beaumains]

I'll put out some for him, too.

If you guys need anything, I'll probably still be in the kitchen cleaning after all of this.

[impostorsyndrome]

You don't have to do all that while I fuck off and have a manly heart to heart or whatever this is. Leave some for me, I'll get to it tonight.