1st Rewrite [Text - UN: koko1010]

[scriptwriter]

So doom and gloom aside... I believe that there's a big problem that needs to be addressed here!

Why isn't anyone talking about the awesome gacha games on this smartphone!?

Warrior Stickman. Dragon Odyssey. Blood Empire. Strike Knights. There's so many mobile games around here and I see everyone is just sleeping on them! Do none of these ring a bell?! Have you all lost of your sense of romanticism and adventure!? We just had a tournament with Mario Party for crying out loud! Surely this has tickled your interests in video games a little bit!

For those who don't know... Gacha gaming is the ultimate pass time where you can play video games on your little smartphone here. Pretty self-explanatory, right? But be warn that if you decide to step into the world of gacha... It's a incredible hell that you're walking into. An all-or-nothing bloodbath where the strong live and the weak die. A path of carnage and broken dreams where 1-Star characters are devoured and forgotten by the irresistible 5-Star characters.

In a sense... Our society is no different from a gacha game, no? The strong and beautiful who live in high society are considered the 5-Star characters and we who have been drinking from the gutters and crawling through mud are the mere 1-Stars! But fear not 1-Stars... I, Tennouji Kotarou, the man who rules over common sense, am here to bestow my knowledge upon you! As the chosen "Common Sense Archon" it is my duty to pass on my fruits of wisdom!

So if you'd want a place to start, I can suggest that you play "Glory Kingdom"! It's one that I'm pretty into lately. Ever dreamed of befriending a cute goddess? Ever wanted to build your kingdom from the neck up? Ever wanted to team-up with a crazy tyrant babe who hates your guts, then slowly falls in love with you as you show her the joys of the normal world?!

Then this game is absolutely for you! They're even giving away free gems for new players who join, so what are you waiting for? Don't be a 1-Star, be a ★COOL STAR★ and join in the big sensation sweeping the island nation!

P.S: I was not paid to do this (though I will accept donations since I'm a little low on cash right now from my valuable gacha gaming research)! I simply want to share my joy involving a little hobby of mine! If you have any questions, I'll be more than happy to answer. Thank you. ♥

Comments

[scriptwriter]

HEY
I'm not THAT shameless!
if I ever do a youtube video, I'm taking someone down with me!
that's what teamwork is all about!

[fujimaru]

Dude
You're already shilling for a game like you're a sponsored post
Even though you're not
You might as well get those youtube $$$$
Or if there's like a twitch equivalent
You could just stream your rolls for coin

[scriptwriter]

hmmm
You really think I could do that? I do like hyping up the masses!
but it'd be a little embarrassing to do it on my own
sadly I lack a lot of things like good looks and charisma

[fujimaru]

A TRUE INFLUENCER doesn't let things like EMBARRASSMENT stop them
They just DO IT

[ Does Ritsuka know anything about being an influencer? No. Is that going to stop her from saying this? Also no. ]

text; un: wolfcountry

[impostorsyndrome]

Don't encourage Tennouji to show any more of his ass on the network than he already is.

[fujimaru]

[ "wolfcountry"... who the heck is that? ]

I think once you hit doing advertisements you're not even getting paid for, you can only go up from there
Especially shilling for a gacha game
He's already in hell

[impostorsyndrome]

[He knows who this is because he reads every thread, and saw the GUDAGUDA stuff happening down below. Ha!]

I meant for our sake, not his. If he's gonna go on some kinda spiral from here, whether it's up or down, he can do it in private and preferably not get paid for it.

You can get monetized here and everything.

[fujimaru]

[ She even used her name in one of those comments! But for now, she's only mildly confused. "Wolfcountry" sounds like the username for some kind of indie band right now. ]

Seriously?????
I mean
On the one hand I think if you can monetize your hobby without hating it that's a good thing
It can pay for itself then
On the other wow

There's no idol named Magi*Mari here, is there?

[impostorsyndrome]

Not that I follow idols specifically, but I keep an eye on crap, and no. Why? Is she your favorite?

[fujimaru]

No way
Let's just say she's a 5★ fraudster

[impostorsyndrome]

What, more than any other monetized web idol?

[fujimaru]

Oh yeah
I had to watch a grown man cry over it when he found out
That was all kinds of awkward, you know?

[impostorsyndrome]

Wait a second

Was this a doctor by any chance?

[Hadn't Dr. Roman been really into some web idol that Kadoc had refused to think too much about at the time because it was creepy?!]

[fujimaru]

Yeah Σ(°ロ°)
How did you know??

[impostorsyndrome]

It's Zemlupus.

[scriptwriter]

Ohhhhhhhh!!! I like your spirit! I'm starting to feel fired up now! I should give you a role for my future endeavors!

How about 'Royal Grand Vizier'?

[fujimaru]

Pass wwwwwwwwwwww

[ Wow that reaction was immediate. ]

You've gotta be a king to appoint anyone a Royal anything
Also
Aren't viziers usually evil?
Evil is so much effort

[scriptwriter]

Ouch. That was harsh.

[And Kotarou tears up a little.]

Well, Sayooshi-san on the game said that I was a good king who'd rule with insanity

whoops meant *integrity

sorry auto-fill kicked in

And you'd wear a cute Jafar hat!

[fujimaru]

I think your phone is trying to tell you something, Kotarou-kun
I still pass
Something like this, you gotta go on your own
But I'll wish you luck from the sidelines 。.:☆*:･'(*⌒―⌒*)))

[scriptwriter]

eh? wait is this

Fuji-tan?!
WAIT WAIT

DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE OUT HERE

I'm a beautiful swan in a sea of living sharks!!

[fujimaru]

As opposed to... dead sharks???
Kotarou-kun your metaphors need some work
Anyway I still pass
I gave up on the gacha game life when I started living the gacha life life

[scriptwriter]

HEY we can't all have winners, okay?
I'll bet even Shakespeare had some writer's block every now and then
Huh? What does that mean???
Living an actual gacha life sounds like it'd be really cool
at least you'd have something to brag about to your friends

[fujimaru]

No way
Just think about it for a moment
It's not just money you're throwing to get resources
It's RESOURCES resources
Time and energy and weird things you cut out of
Oh let's say
A wyvern's foot
Trust me, that's hell you'd be walking into

[scriptwriter]

you met a wyvern???
I thought those only existed in myths and legends
I mean... I've heard about them in Guardian
but I've never come face-to-face with one
you sound like a hunter when you put it like that

[fujimaru]

No way wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
More like cannon fodder