image+text; < thearchitect >

[emet_sulk]

[ Sometime during the month, an image is uploaded (the infamous LONG BREAD), accompanied by the following caption: ]

Assist me in proving a point to my unrepentant friend: this is not how one slices bread.

Comments

un: azfell

[temptationaccomplished]

Goodness gracious. What is that travesty?

un: notarchitect

[weenwoon]

Emet-Selch did not specify how he wanted the bread sliced. I find it nearly insulting that he would choose to complain about this, particularly publicly.

[emet_sulk]

'Tis my so-called friend's idea of a jest. I asked that he help cut a few slices off the loaf of bread we had bought and this is what he left for me.

text; un: notarchitect

[weenwoon]

I thought a new concept to review would cheer you up.

[emet_sulk]

This is not a new concept. This is an affront to sliced bread.

un: tsuna27

[theskyaccepts]

I don't think I've ever seen that before

un: notarchitect

[weenwoon]

You are welcome. :)

[emet_sulk]

And for good reason.

[ He might be glaring over his phone at Hythlodaeus right now. ]

It it a ridiculous, impractical way to slice bread.

« text; un: matriarch »

[menphina]

He sliced the bread, what else do you want?


[ She loves Hythlodaeus for this. And in general, but today it's this. ]

[weenwoon]

Finally, someone who understands.

text ; un: suneater

[takoyakitori]

...isn't this a little silly to argue about?

[emet_sulk]

No. Give him an ilm and he will happily take a malm. Encouragement - or even tacit agreement - only fosters more of this foolish behaviour from him.

text; un: midorima6

[accurately]

Ignoring the ridiculous size of it, slicing it like that would result in the entire loaf being made stale much faster.
Your friend is a wastrel and a fool.

[emet_sulk]

Precisely. It boggles the mind to know that there are others who see nothing wrong with this.

text; un: bluerose

[birdflipping]

Looks normal to me. What kind of backwater world do you come from that DOESN'T slice bread like that?

[emet_sulk]

What sort of heathen world do you hail from that does?

text; un: didnot

[morns]

looks sliced.
don't be a snob.

( you could make a bread roll out of that! )

[emet_sulk]

[ Bread rolls already exist!! ]

How am I a 'snob' for expecting bread to be cut vertically rather than lengthwise?

Text, un: koromaru

[whatsamada]

It seems like a waste to use all that bread.

[Thats not how you make a sandwich!]

[emet_sulk]

'Tis more bread than one would require in a standard sandwich, yes.

And now any proper, subsequent slices will be missing a portion from the base.

un: venatoris

[betweentheseconds]

This is plainly how they chose to slice the bread.

I'm appalled, but it is, apparently, an option.

[emet_sulk]

[ He would be very happy to hear this coming from his great-grandson. If he only knew it was his great-grandson. ]

Not to mention the amount of effort put into carving out the slice so evenly.

'Twould have been quicker to cut two pieces off the shorter end.

text | un: adler

[disasdeer]

It's right if you want a long sandwich.

[emet_sulk]

If one wanted a long sandwich one would use bread suited to such a thing!

[ Like, you know, an actual baguette?? ]

text; un: kingfisher

[cess]

Hey it's kind of like a starter tier baguette if you wanna be real about it.

un: lucerna | text

[lucere]

No. No, it's not, Noct.

[ Can you feel the disappointment within that "No", Noctis? Regis is positively shaking his head. ]

Didn't I raise you better than this?

Text | un: graywords

[heartlessswordsman]

Sometimes the best way to deal with a frustratingly chaotic individual is too learn how to adapt to their idiocy. Roll with the punches, as they say. The solution to this is to simply cut the slice into four equal pieces.

[emet_sulk]

[ He starts to retort to this but then considers their words a bit more. ]

Are you suggesting I deny him a reaction and improvise a solution instead?

text; un: boomerang-guy

[bendless]

Why not just eat the whole bread whole.

text; un: notarchitect

[weenwoon]

I cannot open my mouth that wide, alas.

[Hey look, it's the perpetrator.]

un: sparklythings

[patchricide]

Say you were explaining it to someone who was unfamiliar. What would be the correct way to slice it, and why?

[what even is "bread" and why are you all worked up about it]

[emet_sulk]

[ For her reference, he will attach a picture of the main body of the loaf of bread. Sans its underside now, but...pretend it's whole. ]

One would slice a piece off vertically instead of horizontally as my erstwhile friend has done. With two pieces, one can make a sandwich, or they can be toasted individually.

Text, un: fashiondeva

[corpsewarblade]

What. NO.

Who even does that?? Like, seriously, that's such a waste of a loaf!

Like, even looking at that pisses. Me. Off.

[emet_sulk]

I'm sure my friend would be glad to hear that. He is certainly having great fun at my and everyone else's expense.

It seems, however, that the score is fairly even between those who approve and those who do not.

Text, un: lightweaver

[gutteringlight]

How do you even eat that thing? 🤔

[emet_sulk]

With great difficulty. He claims 'tis meant for sharing.

un: q

[monostich]

I don't see why you couldn't slice bread like that. It's still just bread.

[emet_sulk]

Have you tried to eat a slice of bread cut this way?

text; un: lovehunter

[fangirls]

[ Honestly, this is the funniest thing she's seen since she got here. ]

it looks sliced 2 me (*・∀・)b

[emet_sulk]

What is wrong with all of you?!

Text | Anonymous

[angel_of_death]

I get the feeling the bread isn't the point. But, if you want to salvage it, keep slicing that piece and turn it into finger sandwiches.

[emet_sulk]

I suppose those would be easier to share. My fool of a friend did not think that far but your suggestion has merit.