video; un: beaumains

[beaumains]

[ She's really not fond of making posts where it's obvious she's been dealing with injuries. She's kind of sick of the feeling of burdens that come with it. But this is something she has to do, regardless, sighing as she sets up the camera, itching a bit near the bandage over her head. ]

Hello. Sir Gareth of Orkney here, again... [ Not much energy in that greeting, huh? ]

So... The truth of the matter is, much as I've tried, I don't actually... remember anything from after Rubion cursed me, but...

I know... I lost control... and while I know not what I did in that rage, I know it was all I felt. The sort of anger that feels like Inferno in your chest.

[ She takes a moment, sucking in a breath, before making eye contact with the camera, and then... bowing. ]

To anyone I might have hurt... I apologize, from the bottom of my heart. I can hardly still call myself a knight, knowing what I have done, but... I can't let that shame keep me from making amends, either.

[ She rights herself, nodding. ]

If you've any request of me, I shall see it done. Just say the word.

Comments

video; un: dellacacy

[sos_pilot]

[ Della thankfully wasn't a victim of Gareth's attacks, but oof, this still hurts to see all the same. ]

... Can I request you be a little nicer on yourself? I know it's easier said than done, but... you were cursed. Far as excuses go, that's a pretty fair one.

[beaumains]

Cursed or not, a knight takes responsibility for their actions.

[ Maybe she should be kinder to herself, but she also knew she had to make things right, even if she hadn't been in control. ]

[sos_pilot]

I bet half my savings no one here is going to blame you, though. If anything, you're gunna get a flood of people offering hugs and compassion. Myself included, obviously.

[beaumains]

It's not a matter of blame!

[ She immediately realized she'd raised her voice, balking and shaking her head, bowing it again. ]

It's... it's a matter of responsibility.

[sos_pilot]

[ Yikes. Okay, so, That Approach isn't working. Della pauses, then sighs. ]

... All right. I'm not gunna fight you on this. If this what you want to do, then none of us have any say otherwise.

[beaumains]

... [ A deep breath. ]

Thank you. I know I'm being stubborn, but... this means a lot to me. For reasons I'm not very good at explaining, I suppose.

[sos_pilot]

Hey, it's part of who you are. If the situations were reversed, I would probably do the same thing.

[beaumains]

[ Gareth managed a smile, if a small one. ]

That empathy matters a lot to me, too... more than I can really say.

[sos_pilot]

[ A soft little chuckle. ]

We may be different in a lot of big, obvious ways... but we're also alike in a lot of ways too. Sometimes you remind me of myself when I was younger.

[beaumains]

I can only take that as a compliment, given all you've told me about your adventure-filled youth.

[ Hell, Della was still an adventurer right to her core. Gareth couldn't help but admire her. ]

[sos_pilot]

Heh heh! How did we go from licking wounds to praising each other? Sometimes you're sweeter than the desserts we make!

[beaumains]

I'd like to think those are both part of the same process, really. One lifts others to lift themselves.

video | un: nleclair

[localdeliveryboy]

[ Someone certainly was carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, and while he doesn't know the full picture he does understand one thing. ]

Don't you think you're being a little too hard on yourself there, torch? I mean, I don't know anything about curses but, if you weren't in control I reckon no one would blame you if you did do something.

[beaumains]

Regardless of the circumstances, it is a knight's duty to take responsibility.

[ Her voice is a little firm, her patience for explaining this sort of thing not very present, given everything else. ]

[localdeliveryboy]

[ He doesn't quite understand what the 'night' has to do with anything, not to mention he thinks that word is being used wrong. ]

Right. Sure. But it doesn't make sense, you just said you were out of control. Generally speaking, you can't take responsibility for that since your mind wasn't in on it. Unless I'm completely missing something here.

[beaumains]

It's a matter of what is chivalrous. Whether I was within my wits or not, my hands were still part of what happened. If I were to divorce myself completely from it, it would only be trying to run away from what happened...

[localdeliveryboy]

[ Now he's certain he's missing some bit of information here. What's chivalry got to do with anything? ]

Alright, then lets say you did hurt someone, and then lets say they told you its okay. There's nothing to forgive, that sort of thing. What then?

[beaumains]

Then that is their wish, simple as that. I will honor it, either way.

[ But she isn't sure she'd actually be happy with that... but she knows she shouldn't argue, either. ]

[localdeliveryboy]

Right, okay then.

[ At least they're not so bullheaded to push making up for an act she can be absolved for. ]

As long as that's all straight then. Things are already kinda gloomy as is, someone beatin' themselves up is the last thing we need. Especially when they don't deserve it none.

[ More on that last point. ]

I-If you don't mind me asking, actually, why the persistence? I mean, do good by your fellow torches and all, but you seem more than dedicated to that. Also I don't quite get what the night has to do with things, sorry.

[beaumains]

[ That last bit is honestly enough to pull her out of herself for a bit and raise an eyebrow. He didn't seem to get it, before, but this made it seem like even the concept was escaping him. ]

Do you not know what a knight is?

[localdeliveryboy]

[ Okay now he's getting the implication he's most definitely missing something crucial. ]

A night? Could you spell it for me please?

[beaumains]

K - N - I - G - H - T

[ She spelled it out pretty deliberately, making certain it was clear. ]

[localdeliveryboy]

[ That is a weird word. ]

Right then, I have no idea what that is then.

[Video; UN: DemonsandSugar]

[cultivatingsin]

[Been there, done that - will probably have to do it again (though hopefully on a lesser scale).]

Don't be too hard on yourself. [Guilt...shame... He had to learn those emotions belatedly and then, with a lot of help, how to use them to better himself. After he died violently. Yes, he is that stubborn, unfortunately.]

You're in one piece, right?

[beaumains]

I'm not trying to be... [ She wished that could be made more clear, but she supposed she couldn't lift her spirits enough for that. ]

But yes, injuries aside, I'm mostly okay.