video; un: beaumains

[beaumains]

[ She's really not fond of making posts where it's obvious she's been dealing with injuries. She's kind of sick of the feeling of burdens that come with it. But this is something she has to do, regardless, sighing as she sets up the camera, itching a bit near the bandage over her head. ]

Hello. Sir Gareth of Orkney here, again... [ Not much energy in that greeting, huh? ]

So... The truth of the matter is, much as I've tried, I don't actually... remember anything from after Rubion cursed me, but...

I know... I lost control... and while I know not what I did in that rage, I know it was all I felt. The sort of anger that feels like Inferno in your chest.

[ She takes a moment, sucking in a breath, before making eye contact with the camera, and then... bowing. ]

To anyone I might have hurt... I apologize, from the bottom of my heart. I can hardly still call myself a knight, knowing what I have done, but... I can't let that shame keep me from making amends, either.

[ She rights herself, nodding. ]

If you've any request of me, I shall see it done. Just say the word.

Comments

[beaumains]

Regardless of the circumstances, it is a knight's duty to take responsibility.

[ Her voice is a little firm, her patience for explaining this sort of thing not very present, given everything else. ]

[localdeliveryboy]

[ He doesn't quite understand what the 'night' has to do with anything, not to mention he thinks that word is being used wrong. ]

Right. Sure. But it doesn't make sense, you just said you were out of control. Generally speaking, you can't take responsibility for that since your mind wasn't in on it. Unless I'm completely missing something here.

[beaumains]

It's a matter of what is chivalrous. Whether I was within my wits or not, my hands were still part of what happened. If I were to divorce myself completely from it, it would only be trying to run away from what happened...

[localdeliveryboy]

[ Now he's certain he's missing some bit of information here. What's chivalry got to do with anything? ]

Alright, then lets say you did hurt someone, and then lets say they told you its okay. There's nothing to forgive, that sort of thing. What then?

[beaumains]

Then that is their wish, simple as that. I will honor it, either way.

[ But she isn't sure she'd actually be happy with that... but she knows she shouldn't argue, either. ]

[localdeliveryboy]

Right, okay then.

[ At least they're not so bullheaded to push making up for an act she can be absolved for. ]

As long as that's all straight then. Things are already kinda gloomy as is, someone beatin' themselves up is the last thing we need. Especially when they don't deserve it none.

[ More on that last point. ]

I-If you don't mind me asking, actually, why the persistence? I mean, do good by your fellow torches and all, but you seem more than dedicated to that. Also I don't quite get what the night has to do with things, sorry.

[beaumains]

[ That last bit is honestly enough to pull her out of herself for a bit and raise an eyebrow. He didn't seem to get it, before, but this made it seem like even the concept was escaping him. ]

Do you not know what a knight is?

[localdeliveryboy]

[ Okay now he's getting the implication he's most definitely missing something crucial. ]

A night? Could you spell it for me please?

[beaumains]

K - N - I - G - H - T

[ She spelled it out pretty deliberately, making certain it was clear. ]

[localdeliveryboy]

[ That is a weird word. ]

Right then, I have no idea what that is then.

[beaumains]

[ ... She is, admittedly, baffled.

Even among the various servants of Chaldea, she hadn't met anyone who just straight up didn't know what a knight was. It made her realize this was not... an easy concept to explain. ]

Well... first and foremost, a Knight is a warrior vassal to a King, at least in the most literal meaning. In my case, I served Arthur, King of Britain.

... N-not this one. A different one.

[ That just made this worse, she realized. ]

[localdeliveryboy]

[ It would be baffling to him, if his world didn't forbid war making the need for ranked warriors like knights unnecessary. ]

Uhuh...so you're a warrior to a king. I've never heard of a king needing a warrior before. So they, what, fight and, by the sounds of it, protect people?

[beaumains]

In our time, it was important for kingdoms to keep active garrisons.

[ "In our time" ]

The duty of a knight is to their king, to their fellows, and to the people. We swear fealty to that service, and dedicate our lives to it. The philosophy of Chivalry forms our guiding principals, but in summary, most of it is focused on fighting on behalf of the weak, showing honor to our enemies, and having grace and gentleness in the presence of women and children.

[localdeliveryboy]

Oh. Now, I gets it.

...oh.

Ohhh!

[ And he now also understands her guilt and why she needs to make amends. ]

Oh Maker's tits. I can see now why this is tearing at you, I'm so sorry, hun. It was bit ignorant of me to say the things I said.

[beaumains]

[ With his understanding, finally, she manages a small smile. ]

Thank you. As a knight... taking responsibility is part of my oath.

[localdeliveryboy]

But its still a bit much, innit? I get it, not all of it just yet, but you did your duty. Its not your fault some ghostly bastard got a lucky shot in, you did your best.

[ A beat. ]

Though, I reckon if you and yours made oath to this service, nothing I says is really going to change your mind. Its just a bit unfair, is what I think. To punish someone who fought to protect and got hurt, them is part of the deal.

[beaumains]

It's not really something I expect civilians to understand, but even if you think it unfair, I'd ask you not keep me from it, all the same.

[localdeliveryboy]

Well, of course I'm not gonna stop you! Its just, you know -....blimey, what am I trying to say?

[ He pauses, really giving his thoughts some words to match. ]

Okay, what I mean is...if someone does want you to square a wrong with them - assuming someone will or if you did hurt anyone in the first place - you shouldn't, or rather they shouldn't, forget that you were out there riskin' life and limb to protect them. So, I suppose its just keep things all fair, right? The punishment should fit the crime, that sort of thing.

[beaumains]

This isn't really a matter of crime and punishment... [ Gareth sighed, shaking her head again. ]

Look, I know you mean well, but this is a matter of pride, for me.

[localdeliveryboy]

But-!

[ His protest stops short in his throat, and instead he sighs heavily. ]

You're right. I mean, I just learned what a 'knight' is, a bit arrogant of me think I should have a say. Being a knight sounds bloody difficult.

[ He says with a bit of cheer, a form of reluctant acceptance. ]

You're pretty amazing to be takin' that kind of bur- responsibility on your shoulders.

[beaumains]

A knight doesn't seek praise or glory for what we do. [ At least they shouldn't. ]

What we seek is our own honor, and the honor of our king. That's why my pride is on the line here.

[localdeliveryboy]

I see, but still. I want to let you know, thanks for fighting for us common folk. Most don't have much idea of how to fight, much less against something like that.

[ He gives her a sincere smile, if not a little apologetic for his earlier comments. ]

Gareth, right? Of...Orkney, was it? If your willing, I'd like to hear more about being a knight. You know, when your duties allow that is. Maybe over over lunch, or perhaps tea or coffee? It sounds very intriguing.

[beaumains]

[ ... ]

Are you trying to ask me out on a date?

[localdeliveryboy]

[ Busted. ]

Well, I'm mostly just hoping to make a friend and - call me old fashioned but, I really do think meeting in person is a nice, honest way of doing that. Food and drinks just kinda help the process is all.

[ He smiles. ]

But if you wanna call it that, then sure, I'm asking you out on a date. A friendly one.

[ He also doesn't quite realize he might be over stepping his bounds, but what can you expect from a flirt who just learned what a knight is.

[beaumains]

A move like that might have made Sir Tristan proud, but I was a squire under the finest charmer in Camelot, Sir Lancelot. You'll have to try harder than that.

[ But she IS laughing. So it wasn't all landing terribly, at least. ]