video un: konpeito_oni with un: fireprince

[konpeito_aji]

Make sure you get my good side!

[Oda Nobunaga is being filmed by someone else, and as he quickly makes apparent: hunting in the forest.]

Okay! This is Oda Nobunaga, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven. [He'll get tired of that mouthful... eventually.] Hijikata-sama is busy doing super important police work so I got Zuko to provide backup so I can show you proper sumo techniques on a bear fir! Those are trees in the shape of bears. Don't worry, if I get eaten, and can't cut my way free, Zuko will set it on fire, and then we'll show you how to make sure it doesn't spread to the forest!

First you need to lure it! [He has a fish for the bait.] In my time, we would give offerings and sacrifices, but since I want to wrestle one, not appease it--

[He doesn't get to finish the sentence before he gets sideswiped by an irritated bear fir. It was not lured by the fish. It was flushed out by Nobunaga's oni, but who's counting?]

[Nobunaga crashes into a tree, gets the wind knocked out of him... but he's grinning ear to ear.]

[And tackles the bear, trying to wrestle, or ride it, or... who the fuck knows?]

[It's a bit insane. But eventually he winds up inside it and cuts himself free...]

[And looks sorely disappointed.]

Ah... that's it? I didn't get to show anything off... Okay! Let's do the fire anyway! Zuko set me on fire!

[This can only end well.]

[On cue, a small puff of flame appears from the cameraman's unseen hands. The flames are weak. After another, only slightly bigger puff, a grumble can be heard, before one more unsteady, unimpressive lick of flames appears from thin air, followed by a hoarse:]

What the fuck?!

[Muttered under the firebender's breath. Finally, fourth must be the charm... and a gust of fire shoots forth, striking Nobunaga straight-on. Thank goodness the daimyo has healing magic because, uh, Zuko is clearly not fully in control of this fire he's magicking up. And he's very embarrassed to be short on juice on a live public feed. This whole thing isn't going exactly to plan, is it?]

[The grown warlord then holds up a finger, as his cuirass (at least it's not his Japanese armor? Is that better or worse?) smolders and gets hotter!] This technique isn't taught in my time, but you should all know it!

Stop! Drop! And roll!

[And he demonstrates.]

[The bear fir in the meanwhile has recollected, REFORMED itself... and just decides an idiot on fire is not worth trying to eat again. Good thinking. Off it goes!]

[No idiots were maimed in the making of this video. Don't play with fire. Or bear trees.]

Comments

video; un: fireprince

[rediscovering]

He asked me to!

[ That’s not a good defense! ]

[irritated]

Great, next time you kill someone you should just argue that they asked you to. That solves that. [Seriously what?]

Can't believe you just set the Demon King on fire.

[konpeito_aji]

It's good training!

[Which part though?]

[irritated]

You're really not what I was expecting at all.

[konpeito_aji]

I need to get oni horns. [Mimes with his fingers to his head.]

[Because this is the only reason people don't see him as the Demon King now, right?]

[irritated]

[...]

Yeah, not helping. Like at all. If anything that only worsens your public image by ten points at least.

[konpeito_aji]

Wait... Isn't that the point? Because I don't look Demonic enough?

What were you expecting?

[irritated]

You would look stupid if you did it. That's what I'm saying.

Just looking out for your good image, Nobunaga-sama~

[konpeito_aji]

Ah yes, that I do agree on. [Still a sad little pout. No one sees him as demonic enough. Well except Jyushi. And a few others.]

[irritated]

Do you want to look intimidating? If you do, you have to know how things are different now. Which I'm sure you've noticed. But really, anybody who knows who you are should be scared by the name alone.

private;

[rediscovering]

"Demon King, Demon King!" What does that mean, Hikaru? He keeps calling himself that, too! What can you tell me about this guy? I can't figure him out!

[ Zuko, you say that like you can figure anyone out. But Nobunaga has been particularly confusing. ]

[irritated]

[You're really making him do the Japanese history lesson here, huh. Ugh, he isn't bad at history but he doesn't really care for it as a subject.] He's a warlord. A really famous one that unified Japan. Calls himself the Demon King because he really hated Buddhism and killed all these warrior monks. Like, all of them. Like he left nobody.

Or you know, that's what I was taught and it isn't like it's the first time history books are just saying whatever they want. Being real, no idea what this Nobunaga is about because he sure isn't the guy I was taught about. [He seems like way more of an idiot than Hikaru expected.

But he is never, ever saying that out loud because one just doesn't tell Oda Nobunaga they're an idiot. Hikaru doesn't have death wish.]

Anyway, in Buddhism, the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven is like...[How does one explain this?] A bad guy? He gets in the way of Buddhism so yeah, works for a guy going out and killing Buddhist monks.

[rediscovering]

But the monks were the bad guys. He told me about it. They manipulated the masses with their religion and deprived them of the most basic happinesses in life, like enjoying tasty food and even having hair. Whereas he wanted everyone to have some amount of luxury, even commoners, wanted to open Japan's borders to trade with other countries that saw no value in trading with Japan because the nation was at war with itself with 300 different territories or something like that... "Crabs in a bucket," he said. Right?

[ Oh, so Zuko and Nobunaga got into it about war and politics, clearly. Why's it not surprising Zuko made this idiot warlord friend? ]

[irritated]

[If Zuko knew all of this then why did Hikaru have to go all history teacher!!]

I mean, according to him they were the bad guys right? [No they were totally the bad guys. But since meeting all these major historical figures it's got him thinking.]

All up to somebody else what basic happiness is even if the monks definitely sucked. [But according to what he knows, Nobunaga also killed all the women and children and that's a little much.

But also, Hikaru doesn't know if that's true or did happen. History books aren't always right.]

Either way, he's a pretty rough guy. Probably should be careful about setting a ruthless warlord on fire.

[rediscovering]

[ Because Hikaru Knows Things™ in Zuko's book. Clearly he has an approximate knowledge of most things, in Zuko's eyes, if not an expertise in many. ]

That's true... History is written by the winners. Is he, um— celebrated? In Japan? He's from hundreds and hundreds of years before you, right? But you know about him. Does his nation remember him as a hero...?

[irritated]

Oh yeah, he's definitely one of Japan's most famous. He's even got movies, shows, and games all about him. We remember him as a hero but also a ruthless one. Type of guy to do anything to achieve his goals.

Just don't get on his bad side. I don't think the history books lied about him being ruthless to his enemies but I'm also not about to ask him and piss him off if it's true.

[Kiss his ass, Zuko.]

[rediscovering]

...So? I could take him, I bet.

[ Stupid. Wrong answer. ]

[konpeito_aji]

[Nobunaga is obviously not listening, but just sort of looks at Zuko at that.]

[Ask Date Masamune if the one-eyed dragon would like to fight Nobunaga :)]

[irritated]

How is that what you get from what I just said? Don't take on Oda Nobunaga.

[Seriously, Zuko.]

[rediscovering]

I don't want to! We get along. But I'm not gonna kiss his ass or anything, either.

[ Zuko also once said he thought he could take the original firebenders in a fight with the Avatar, but that was before he found out they were dragons and took it back... Nobunaga, he's pretty sure isn't a dragon. So that's where the line seems to be drawn, apparently. ]

[irritated]

He killed a guy because he didn't like how his tea was served.

[Or so the story says. Hikaru hasn't wanted to get too close to figure out if this guy is like the stories or not. Seems dumb?]

[rediscovering]

...For real? Surely there was more to it than that... ...Right?

[irritated]

[Hikaru shrugs.] Or the story about a guy that had tried to hurt him so he found him years later and sawed his head off.

Could be real, could be made up. Could be something he made up himself to sound worse than he is. Who knows? But it is why he's remembered as a pretty scary guy and why I'll keep kissing his ass thanks~

[rediscovering]

Seriously? He sawed his head off? He made it sound like he only kills when provoked, when necessary, no other course of action. You're sure these aren't just stories to intimidate political opponents? I mean — I'm not about to go challenge him to find out, but... I've never kissed anyone's ass in my life and I'm not about to start now.

[irritated]

Told you, no clue. Like he could have said it for that reason or he could have told you that to look good here. Not that what he said is wrong because technically the other guy did provoke him...

But you don't need to kiss his ass. Just saying don't make an enemy of the guy and be a little nicer. Telling him nice things isn't so bad is it?