Video | UN: hijikata | Irregular Quest: Keep a Man out of the Sun for a Day

[mayoninofukucho]

[It's after dinnertime on another rainy evening when a new video pops up on AOL. Hijikata has never posted anything on the network before (beyond responses to other people), so he's not exactly a familiar face... but those who do know him may be surprised by the changes to his outfit and the large black wings on his back. He looks a lot more composed than usual and gives the camera a slow blink before starting to speak.]

My name is Arashi. I am the familiar of Hijikata-san, whose body I am inhabiting by means of familiar fusion to bring you this message. I am afraid that I find myself in need of some assistance.

[He seems to be in a hotel room, and attentive listeners may be able to catch the occasional high-pitched little noise in the background, as if there were guinea pigs or other small pets running around. Arashi keeps a straight face.]

It has come to my attention that Hijikata-san has been struggling to reverse the impact of the wishes that were made about two months ago. I cannot maintain the familiar fusion state for very long, so I seek the support of anyone willing and able to keep him away from the sunlight for a day.

[What the reclusive crow tengu isn't telling the viewers: due to the heavy rains he decided to check on his bond partner, only to find his hotel room full of mayonnaise mascots. When the flooding began Hijikata had fetched them in a panic from the smallholding farm the owners of which had been letting him keep them in an enclosure, and their presence immediately made it clear to Arashi that he never fixed his messed-up magic. Hijikata had just finished preparing a familiar fusion essence in his room for later use in an emergency, and ultimately it was used much sooner as a result of the ensuing fight.]

Please come to Room 306 at the main inn if you are interested. I cannot offer gold, but I am able to train users of wind magic and help awaken it for novice users of elemental magic, or otherwise I can offer some rare items.

Just as a warning, there are some... creatures here.

[The mayonnaise mascots are harmless, but kind of creepy looking in his opinion. They are unnatural, wholly unnatural. The sooner they disappear the better.]


(OOC: This is open for anyone, no dibs (after all we've got time loops happening around here!). Villains and pranksters are also welcome (after all Arashi is such an absent familiar that he wouldn't be able to tell who Hijikata's friends are, or if he has any at all). If you'd like to plot anything specific out I have my CR meme post here!)

Comments

Video: un: Greywords

[heartlessswordsman]

[Oh nooo, Zel's cop buddy is in trouble. Unacceptable!]

He just needs to be kept out of the sun? That should be easy enough. Are these creatures you mentioned aggressive at all?

[mayoninofukucho]

[Arashi looks at Zelgadis with interest. He hasn't seen anyone like him before.]

The creatures appear to be harmless and docile, but if avoiding the sun were so easy I would assume that Hijikata-san would already have accomplished it.

[Obviously it's no big deal if the person does it voluntarily, but Hijikata has stubbornly neglected to do his part, so Arashi foresees that anyone who volunteers to help will be facing quite the struggle.]

[heartlessswordsman]

It is simple in theory, but it sounds like he's pretty stubborn. That's fine, I'm stubborn too. I'll figure something out.

[If he has to duct tape this asshole to the ceiling in order to get him to stay put, he'll do it.]

[mayoninofukucho]

[Honestly, that isn't a half bad idea.]

I appreciate it very much.

[Thank goodness Zelgadis figured the truth out easily, that saves Arashi the embarrassment of spelling it out for him. God damn it, Hijikata!]

Let me know if you need anything from me in advance. I will help in whichever way I can.

[heartlessswordsman]

Just keep him there for a little while. I'm going to pick up a few things, and then I'll be right over.

[Time to take this way too far and go way over the top keeping this dude out of the sun!!]

[mayoninofukucho]

Alright.

[When Zelgadis arrives at room 306 (which is on the lowest floor currently not affected by the flooding) Arashi lets him in quickly to prevent the mascots from escaping. There's a whole bunch of the naked little things toddling about with their onion-shaped heads and identical uncanny appearance.]

Thank you for coming quickly. I am deeply sorry for the trouble.

[Now to try and vet this Amanto-like young man before they start anything...]

Out of curiosity, may I ask how you know Hijikata-san?

[heartlessswordsman]

[Zel arrives with two large bags, which he begins to unload onto the nearest flat surface. Like the desk or something, it's not important. He has a bit of a delayed reaction to the little mayo critters, double taking and staring for maybe a little too long before he goes back to unpacking his gear.]

We met during the tournament that happened a little while back, and we worked together on a mission after that. I find him incredibly easy to work with.

[From the bag he produces some. Things. A coil of rope, a roll of tape, a bottle of what is probably whiskey, sandwiches, a hammer, and some nails. Totally normal stuff.]

Continued from above!

[mayoninofukucho]

You haven't used AOL much, huh? Before asking on the network I'd first check if there's any information in an archive on the different magic types, or discussions in old forums or such. If you untie me I can take care of it.

[Such an innocent suggestion...]

Re: Continued from above!

[heartlessswordsman]

No, no, it's fine. I need to learn how to do these things on my own, after all.

[Nice try, Hijikata. Zel is totally on to your shenanigans. He will now continue to sit there and poke around at his phone as slowly as possible as PUNISHMENT. How dare you try to pull a fast one on him!]

[mayoninofukucho]

[It was worth a shot!! At least he has his beloved Mayorins all around him... some of them are getting upset because he isn't picking them up, though.]

Hey, can you put these two on my lap? They're unhappy.

[While Hijikata has calmed down from his anger he's substantially worried about Arashi's plan. Emet-Selch, whose powers were transferred to him two months ago, warned him that any creatures he created will likely vanish once he fulfills the sun avoidance requirement... but his Avalon-granted magic really is compromised. He doesn't want to have a crisis over which sacrifice to make, but it looks like he's reached the end of his rope in terms of just avoiding the matter.]

[heartlessswordsman]

[Zelgadis does not want to touch those.

He does not say this out loud, of course, but the look on his face probably says as much.]

What... exactly are these, anyway? Some kind of... I don't know, pixie or something?

[Ugh, okay, he's got this. Hijikata is his buddy so he will do as he asks, finally scooping up those two little gremlins and depositing them on Hijikata's lap.]

[mayoninofukucho]

They're mayonnaise fairies.

[This sounds like a load of bullshit, given that there's nothing fairy-like about these plump, naked, gnome-looking things. They aren't glittery, they don't have wings, and while this isn't something Zelgadis would be able to sense they don't even have souls. Hijikata looks happy as they hug him, though.]

They're really easy to keep, too. You just have to feed them eggs.

[heartlessswordsman]

[Zelgadis gives Hijikata a look, like one that you would give someone who's just grown an arm out of his forehead.]

M-mayonnaise fairies. Okay.

And why are they here?

Continued from above!

[mayoninofukucho]

Water? Yes, please.

[He experimentally tugs on his ropes, but no, they didn't miraculously loosen overnight.]

They didn't sleep?

[Does he actually know anything about the creatures he brought into this world? It seems doubtful.]

[heartlessswordsman]

[HAH, Zelgadis is a champion rope tier! Or, well. He maybe knows how to do one knot, but he can do that know really well? Either way, he's winning.]

No, they didn't. They were up all night playing and staring at me, and making creepy noises.

[He yawns, rubbing his eye as he gets up to grab Hijikata that glass of water. Upon his return, he realizes that he can't just hand the water to him, thanks to his very good knots, and he looks around the room a bit awkwardly.]

Uh. Do you have any straws, or... I guess I can just hold this for you.

[mayoninofukucho]

[One knot is enough if he can tie it well!! If he wants to learn more Okita can help. Hijikata feels crappy enough to not be fussy about how he gets to drink; he has a bit of a dehydration headache and simply wants the water right here and now.]

Just tilt the glass.

[As long as Zelgadis is careful and doesn't end up dumping the water all over his face and shirt it'll work out! Whichever outcome they end up with, he's still thirsty afterwards.]

More.

[His manners apparently didn't wake up with him yet... but at least he gradually remembers that very important piece of Zelgadis' backstory that they surface-scratched last night, so once he's had another glass he'll start asking questions about that.]

[heartlessswordsman]

[Despite his fatigue, his hands are steady while he holds the glass for Hijikata. No spills or messes or anything, how's that! Once the glass is empty and Hijikata demands a refill, Zel gets up to get one.]

How about some coffee? I definitely need some.

[He's not going to make it through the rest of the day without some, anyway. After refilling the water, he comes back to help Hijikata drink it.]

[mayoninofukucho]

[This kind of makes him feel like livestock, but screw it. At least Zelgadis isn't a jackass about it like certain other people would have been. He nods once he's done drinking the water.]

Coffee sounds good.

[Maybe that'll make them both feel a little more alive. Breakfast time is over, so Zelgadis will have to use the in-room coffee maker. At least there's a handful of complimentary coffee capsules that Hijikata hasn't touched so far. While Zelgadis gets to work he thinks about how to breech the topic and ultimately just take the direct approach.]

So... before I conked out on you last night you said that someone made you? Did I catch that right?

[heartlessswordsman]

[When he's this desperate for coffee, he's not picky about the quality of said coffee. He keeps his eyes on the pot while it brews, even after Hijikata reminds him of what he'd said last night.]

That's partly right. I was born human, but a few years ago, a priest turned me into a chimera.

[He doesn't sound super thrilled to be talking about this, but hey. He likes Hijikata well enough, so he can deal with it.]

Continued from above!

[mayoninofukucho]

[Bless you, Zelgadis. That's another raise of Hijikata's favour meter. Still, when he exits the bathroom and finds Zelgadis conked out he sees himself presented with a tough choice.]

...

[A tiny version of Okita with devil horns and a spiked tail pops up on his shoulder (not really, this is all in his head). "Ohhhh, look at that, Hijikata-san. Here's your chance! Don't open the blinds, that'd make too much noise. Just slip out, catch some daylight at another window, then come back in. He'll never be the wiser." Naturally this is countered by the appearance of their commander Kondou, equally tiny and outfitted with a... suspiciously cracked halo and wings that keep losing feathers. Alright. "Come on now, Sougo! His guy has stayed up all night to look after Toshi. It'd be wrong to sabotage all his hard work. Toshi, you know you've got to let the Mayorins go, right? You've spent enough time with them."]

...

[This is such a tough call!! It's most likely his last chance to save his Mayorins, and also it'd be a very gratifying figurative middle finger to Arashi... but also to Zelgadis. How would he feel if Hijikata took advantage of his exhaustion like this? He looks at his sleeping form, then at the Mayorins who come toddling up to him with their cute indistinct little sounds. He crouches down and pats their onion-shaped heads.]

Don't worry, Mayorin. Don't worry.

[He quietly walks to the door because yeah, no way is he letting this chance slip through his fingers. Sorry Zelgadis, but Mayorin in his favourite person(???) in the world. He looks back at him once more to make sure he's still asleep, then opens the door... and finds himself face to face with a teenaged food delivery boy who already raised his hand to knock. They both stare at each other for a moment, then the kid holds out the warm bags filled with two delicious meals.]

Here's your order! That'd be 1740 Gold, please!

[Oookay, so much for that. Hijikata sighs and pays (despite his frustration he tips and makes it 2000G), his phone playing the obligatory coin jingle. If the boy's booming nasal voice didn't already wake Zelgadis up this may just have done it... and if not, then the kid's goodbye may.]

Thanks Sir! Please enjoy and order from us again!

[heartlessswordsman]

[At some point during that exchange, Zelgadis is indeed startled awake. Instinctively, he snatches his sword up and leaps to his feet, but then pretty quickly remembers where he is and what he was doing. He sheepishly lowers his sword, and then quickly looks toward the window to make sure the blinds are still closed. They are, and Hijikata looks like he's only just come out of the shower. That and he's apparently busy with the delivery boy, so Zel relaxes a bit.]

You're still here, huh? Sorry, I didn't mean to pass out on you.

[mayoninofukucho]

[He sees the kid off and makes room for the food on the low table by the armchair.]

Sure I'm still here. What'd you think I'd do, run off on you?

[Disregard his significant internal turmoil, outwardly he's totally nonchalant as he fishes the little boxes out of the bags.]

Besides you really ought to get some sleep. If Mayorin really kept you up all night, I'll entertain them this time.

[Or Zelgadis can just tough it out until after they've eaten, why which time the sun should be sinking. But isn't the prospect of more sleep so tempting?]

[heartlessswordsman]

I thought it might be a possibility, but it seems that I had nothing to worry about. I'm sorry, I should have had more faith in you.

[Now Zel feels like a DICK. How could he have doubted Hijikata, he's obviously a trustworthy person and would never pull a fast one on Zelgadis!

He does consider grabbing a quick nap, pulling an all nighter like he had is kicking his ass. However, his stomach has other ideas, and chooses this moment to growl loudly. DINNER WINS.]

I'll get some sleep soon, better eat something first though. I ran out of sandwiches like twelve hours ago.

[mayoninofukucho]

[Yeah, Zelgadis!! How could you not put your trust in this honourable policeman? (Karma would catch up with Hijikata if it hadn't already nipped his plan in the bud.) Crestfallen as he feels inside at the prospect of the impending sundown, at least he gains a little ego boost from Zelgadis undeserved apology.]

It's fine. I don't hold it against you.

[Isn't he so gracious?? The food is all laid out on the table, soft drinks included, and of course Hijikata brought over his mayonnaise bottles too and half-empties one of them on a big sandwich right away.]

Take some mayonnaise. It's store-bought, but not bad at all.

[heartlessswordsman]

[Man Hijikata is just a good buddy all around, isn't he. What a trustworthy dude, Zel will never doubt him again.

Aside from right this second, as he stares at the insane amount of mayo that Hijikata has just splortched all over this sandwich.]

Uh. Sure, I'll... maybe just a little bit.

[He puts a VERY LITTLE BIT of mayo on his sandwich, like a normal goddamn person. He's also about to discover soft drinks for the first time, the face he makes in response to drinking that is even more alarmed than he one he'd made when Hijikata had decided that his sandwich just needed to be mayonnaise.]

What is that!? It just tastes like pure sugar!