text; un: m. edgeworth

[jurisprudence]

It has quickly become apparent to me that my office is in need of dire need of a bailiff. Accordingly, interested individuals should submit their credentials directly to me or inquire in person at the location below.

[Here he lists the street address of a public building at the edge of the city of Camelot, near the Dusklight Woods — presumably some sort of rural courthouse or administrative building that primarily services the farmlands to the north of the city.]

Be prepared to offer a concise but detailed explanation of how you would maintain order when presented with the following situations:

1) One (or several) wild chickens have been set loose in the arbiter's chamber.

2) A claimant has chained themselves to the the bar with a length of tow chain and refuses to unlock the same until their demand for satisfaction has been granted.

3) A claimant, impatient for their turn to be heard, has assaulted a fellow waiting claimant by striking them upside the head with a large gourd.

Serious applicants only.

— M. Edgeworth


[So Edgeworth has gotten himself a job in public service mediating disputes among the NPCs, Judge Judy-style. It, uh. Certainly is going, for him. Does he even have the authority to do hiring like this? Probably not. Is that going to stop him? Nope.]

Comments

text

[casaposa]

Is there a need for such jobs? Let the fools sort it out themselves. A punch or two will end it fast.

[These are such minor problems-why would there need to be a court involved?? It's all chickens and gourds in this weird fantasy world.]

[jurisprudence]

In civilized societies, disputes are resolved in a court of law. Not by rule of might or vigilante justice.

[casaposa]

It worked just fine where I was from. Few found closure in a court room, but you could resolve your issues fast through other means.

[Courts existed, but like who used one?? Caesar can't recall a single instance. Maybe some rich folks or business owners who weren't indebted to the mafia.]

text; un: sexpistols;

[grilletto]

[ okay wait there's an important question here ]

you got pulled into a magic world
and the first thing you did was open an office to deal with what
chicken and gourd crimes?

[jurisprudence]

Actually, no. I sought gainful employment to ensure that I'm capable of affording basic necessities, rather than living day to day on the charity of others.

I presume the same has yet to occur to you.

[grilletto]

[ for a moment he thinks he knows how to get money and then it occurs to him that what he'd gotten used to wasn't going to work here... ]

no i've thought about it

[ shit okay think about covering your ass ]

why do you think i was asking the question?
i just wanted to see if you knew what you were talking about
you know?

Action

[theonlyrealthing]

[Oh shit this is hilarious. And a better job than trying to communicate with animals for people-- maybe that he can do in addition to being an animal mediator. Ugh.

So he shows up at the address provided in his nicest local clothes-- he traded away his Gilboan suit pretty much immediately upon arriving at the castle, wanting to fit in and not be stared at for once-- and heads inside with a confident, I'm-the-prince kind of smile.]

Mister Edgeworth?

[jurisprudence]

[As resident Courtroom Animal Mediator Jack will summarily be tasked with the resolution of all chicken-based disputes. By simply asking the chickens what they want. It's perfect. Also Edgeworth really hates his life.

He looks right on the verge of being out of place in his little office; the furniture is rough and mismatched, but arranged in an exacting sort of way, giving the impression that the person who set it up is precisely the fussy sort who knows exactly how he wants things and determined to have it so, no matter what he's stuck working with to get it.

Miles Edgeworth is twenty-five years old, clean-cut, dressed immaculately in suit and cravat, and looks as though he's about three seconds away from murdering somebody with a fountain pen if he doesn't get a decent cup of coffee. When the knock comes at the door, he calls for the person waiting to enter, but doesn't get up from behind his desk — which is positioned so that he's facing the entry, able to see anyone who walks in simply by lifting his head from his work.]

I'm Miles Edgeworth. Come in and shut the door.

[theonlyrealthing]

[Good god, the man isn't any older than he is. ... he might actually be younger. That's going to be a little awkward.

Still, twenty-six years with his father means he knows how to play nice with just about anybody. He shuts the door, folds his hands behind his back, and lifts his chin, not quite like a soldier reporting for duty, but definitely more formal than the room deserves. Miles Edgeworth seems like the kind of man who'd appreciate that.]

My name is Jack Benjamin. I'm here about that position you advertised.

text, un: lionoflucis

[immortalmarshal]

[Cor is utterly baffled by that kind of court system this world seems to have. Last he checked, things never got that out of hand. Drama fit for TV, yes, but never that...crazy sounding... Still, he needs Work, and it sounds vaguely similar to his old guard-duty days as a young Crownsguard...]

What exactly is needed to be a bailiff, other than being able to put stupid and crazy people in their place?

[jurisprudence]

A willingness to take and follow orders, primarily. A bailiff typically only gets involved with the proceedings at the direction of the arbiter or judge.

un: i.scientia

[reigniter]

With the way this is phrased

These incidents had already transpired?

[jurisprudence]

To my great chagrin.

text; un: adler

[disasdeer]

[ He can't really help himself -- ]

The best way to get chickens to leave anything is simply by asking them. Every single one that I've met has been fairly reasonable. Have you not tried that?

[jurisprudence]

[what the fuck kind of phoenix wright parrot-interrogating nonsense is this]

I was not under the impression that chickens comprehend, much less heed, the English language.

[rustyhonesty]

Technically I could ask the chicken nicely to leave with my magic.
If nothing else works.

[jurisprudence]

At this point I'm willing to consider most anything.

text | un: hpotter

[phoenixwiz]

Let me guess: did they fired the last person who was under that role before we all got here?

Probably punching the impatient claimant for assault on another person to behave themselves and add assault into the charges against them, they started the whole mess.

(He just wandered in here because nosy teenagers!)

[jurisprudence]

I didn't inquire about the circumstances of the vacancy, no. Only that it quite clearly needs to be filled, and in a hurry.

text;

[fooligans]

Are you really looking to hire someone or is this just a roundabout way to ask for help to solve your problems?

[ And very elaborate, too. He's just surprised to hear that someone has an office here already. ]

Next time you can just say that you're asking for a friend.

[jurisprudence]

[BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME HE HAS FRIENDS...]

I don't see why I should bother. I say what I mean; there's no need for deception.

All of the above scenarios already happened, and I dealt with them. Now I want to take steps to prevent them from happening again. It's as simple as that.

text;

[grylls]

1. Chickens are easy to capture with simple snare traps. Drop traps can be utilized if the chickens need to be captured alive.

2. Bolt cutters. If the claimant attempts to resist, non-lethal unconsciousness can be easily achieved through a number of holds.

3. As a soldier, I have the means to subdue any enemy. If the gourd is edible, I would utilize it in a recipe with the previously captured chickens if the lethal method was acceptable. I would like it if my coworkers were able to enjoy my cooking.

[jurisprudence]

[.....................]

You're hired.

[EDGEWORTH WHAT THE HELL]

Please elaborate on the chicken and gourd recipe, if you will.

un: lucerna | text

[lucere]

Wild chickens? Are you certain they're not chocobos? If not, then this is quite...absurd.

Much like those "horses".

[jurisprudence]

[WHAT IS THE JUDGE DOING HERE no no wait okay it's not the judge, that was just. Uncanny, for a second. Um.]

I'm quite sure of what I said. What is a chocobo, precisely?