avalononline | text; un: m. edgeworth

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text; un: m. edgeworth

It has quickly become apparent to me that my office is in need of dire need of a bailiff. Accordingly, interested individuals should submit their credentials directly to me or inquire in person at the location below.

[Here he lists the street address of a public building at the edge of the city of Camelot, near the Dusklight Woods — presumably some sort of rural courthouse or administrative building that primarily services the farmlands to the north of the city.]

Be prepared to offer a concise but detailed explanation of how you would maintain order when presented with the following situations:

1) One (or several) wild chickens have been set loose in the arbiter's chamber.

2) A claimant has chained themselves to the the bar with a length of tow chain and refuses to unlock the same until their demand for satisfaction has been granted.

3) A claimant, impatient for their turn to be heard, has assaulted a fellow waiting claimant by striking them upside the head with a large gourd.

Serious applicants only.

— M. Edgeworth

[So Edgeworth has gotten himself a job in public service mediating disputes among the NPCs, Judge Judy-style. It, uh. Certainly is going, for him. Does he even have the authority to do hiring like this? Probably not. Is that going to stop him? Nope.]

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Is there a need for such jobs? Let the fools sort it out themselves. A punch or two will end it fast.

[These are such minor problems-why would there need to be a court involved?? It's all chickens and gourds in this weird fantasy world.]

[ okay wait there's an important question here ]

you got pulled into a magic world
and the first thing you did was open an office to deal with what
chicken and gourd crimes?

[Oh shit this is hilarious. And a better job than trying to communicate with animals for people-- maybe that he can do in addition to being an animal mediator. Ugh.

So he shows up at the address provided in his nicest local clothes-- he traded away his Gilboan suit pretty much immediately upon arriving at the castle, wanting to fit in and not be stared at for once-- and heads inside with a confident, I'm-the-prince kind of smile.]

Mister Edgeworth?

[Cor is utterly baffled by that kind of court system this world seems to have. Last he checked, things never got that out of hand. Drama fit for TV, yes, but never that...crazy sounding... Still, he needs Work, and it sounds vaguely similar to his old guard-duty days as a young Crownsguard...]

What exactly is needed to be a bailiff, other than being able to put stupid and crazy people in their place?

With the way this is phrased

These incidents had already transpired?

[ He can't really help himself -- ]

The best way to get chickens to leave anything is simply by asking them. Every single one that I've met has been fairly reasonable. Have you not tried that?

Technically I could ask the chicken nicely to leave with my magic. If nothing else works.

Let me guess: did they fired the last person who was under that role before we all got here?

Probably punching the impatient claimant for assault on another person to behave themselves and add assault into the charges against them, they started the whole mess.

(He just wandered in here because nosy teenagers!)

Are you really looking to hire someone or is this just a roundabout way to ask for help to solve your problems?

[ And very elaborate, too. He's just surprised to hear that someone has an office here already. ]

Next time you can just say that you're asking for a friend.

1. Chickens are easy to capture with simple snare traps. Drop traps can be utilized if the chickens need to be captured alive.

2. Bolt cutters. If the claimant attempts to resist, non-lethal unconsciousness can be easily achieved through a number of holds.

3. As a soldier, I have the means to subdue any enemy. If the gourd is edible, I would utilize it in a recipe with the previously captured chickens if the lethal method was acceptable. I would like it if my coworkers were able to enjoy my cooking.

Wild chickens? Are you certain they're not chocobos? If not, then this is quite...absurd.

Much like those "horses".

Edited 2020-11-23 02:58 (UTC)

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