Text; un: Smoking Bomb

[bakudan_bambino]

Aurora and Zuko are no longer here in Avalon.

[Gokudera will not be attending his classes, showing up to work, or training at the dojo for several days. He just lost his boyfriend and girlfriend and he’s tired from fighting wraiths. Mostly, he’s just being an angsty teenager.

Feel free to blow up his IC inbox. Messages on this post will likely get delayed responses.]

Comments

Re: Text

[bakudan_bambino]

Sure.

[He doesn’t, though. But… he knows he shouldn’t be alone while he’s feeling so alone. His boss has been around him, making his presence known, and while it is a comfort, Gokudera can only hole himself up so much around him without feeling overwhelming guilt for being such a downer.

He’s also not used to having friends.

So Tsuna has tried to comfort him, but it’s awkward, and Gokudera doesn’t want to make his problems something his boss has to deal with.

He can at least step out for the fresh air before making his way to the library.]

Text => In Person

[mayoninofukucho]

Let's meet by the study rooms at 6:00 PM.

[The days are getting longer and longer with winter on the way out... it'll probably give him and the Yuureisengumi trouble. But that's something for them to deal with later; for now he'll focus on being there for Gokudera.

When he arrives at the appointed time he really does have some books and writing materials in his bag and puts them on the table in the little room. He's been restless, unable to physically train and effectively forced to take time off from the night patrol (his subordinates were very insistent), so studying magical theory really is the best he can do right now - if Gokudera is truly up for it.]

Do you want to study right away? Or would you like to talk about what happened?

[Yes, he's awkward at this, but he wants to offer an ear at least. If it helps the boy to tell him about his partners he'll listen patiently.]

Action

[bakudan_bambino]

Fine.

[Gokudera shows up with a travel mug of tea, and an intricate, leather-bound buckled journal. A birthday gift from Zuko back in September.

He looks exhausted, but comfortable in a blue hoodie with golden roses embroidered up the arms. His hair is tied back, glasses on his face, and he sits beside Hijikata without hesitation.

If he wants to talk about what happened, it’ll likely turn to tears. Gokudera turns his head to look at the man beside him, expression flat, eyes bruised at the corners.]

Do you want me to talk about what happened?

[Because he can, and has no idea if it will help, or if he’ll just… cry on his studies. He’s a little behind in his classes, after all.]

[mayoninofukucho]

[Hijikata hasn't seen Gokudera with glasses or a ponytail or in that hoodie before, so he's mildly surprised at the different style, complemented by that eye-catching journal... at least he doesn't look like a complete wreck, but his eyes say it all. Damn, this poor kid. Hijikata wishes he could give him his boyfriend and girlfriend back, but who knows if they'll ever return here?]

I don't mind either way.

[Honestly, he's just copying Venti's offer to him when he was missing Riou. Now Venti is also gone... it really is hard to keep experiencing this over and over again, but at least neither of them was Hijikata's partner here.]

If you'd rather focus on the studies that's fine by me. Just please don't actively practice any light magic, okay?

[bakudan_bambino]

[Part of Gokudera is holding out hope one of them will return. It’s not making dealing with them leaving any easier, certainly, but this is not the first time he’s lost someone he’s loved. He’s… hardening over it, growing a bit more calloused, bitter.

He isn’t trying to avoid how he feels, but he also isn’t eager to talk.]

I’ll try.

[Gokudera opens his journal and starts to write in it, a script made of strange symbols, something he made up to pass his time in classes back home.]

I know the magic has been acting up.

[He doesn’t work magic into his studies unless he’s on the training grounds, where, if something can go wrong, no one else would be around to get hurt.]

Rose left, the veil was opened, then Zuko left. I’m too tired to practice any magic right now, anyways…

[Gokudera turns his head away and coughs gently, smoke rising from his mouth before he’s back to writing in his journal. The words aren’t coming out right, symbols crossed out and rewritten in red pen as if he’s grading his own journal.]

Are you any good at poetry?

[mayoninofukucho]

[Somehow Hijikata hasn't gotten embittered yet. Maybe it's because he still has two people he loves on Prismatica, and the crystal that'll let him return there once this is all over... at least he puts his trust in that.

He nods at Gokudera's explanation, struggling to come up with any comforting words to say. Losing those two immediately before and after the latest disaster makes it even worse than it already seemed; it's just blow after blow after blow... and his lungs still smoke too, from the looks of it. Apparently no one was able to do anything about that. Hijikata is about to inquire when Gokudera asks him that unexpected question.]

Poetry? Hm... I'm okay at it, I guess.

[He secretly liked writing poetry back home whenever his heavy work load allowed some room for inspiration, but he hasn't taken it back up here on Avalon. The quality of his poems is... debatable.]

Not fae riddles, though. I've had enough of those for a good while.

[bakudan_bambino]

[He knows when he goes home, everything will be alright. But every day just feels like it gets harder. Gokudera has purpose in his boss, looking after Tsuna, and focusing on being his friend. But he can’t rely too much on anyone, when the length of their stays in this world is so unpredictable.

He used that disaster as a distraction from the pain of losing Aurora, and… Zuko could have been gone longer, and Gokudera would not have known, so preoccupied with fighting to keep New Camelot safe.

Gokudera draws a line through what he’d written and shakes his head.]

I thought that just a haiku would be simple enough. Help me focus on something else… and then I could submit it to Monika… since she’s got that literature club…

[mayoninofukucho]

[Fighting for the greater good is always a handy distraction, Hijikata knows, but at some point there's no running from the loss... still, they can try to fill the emptiness with other things! Gokudera's mention of Monika, however, throws him off.]

Monika? That young noble, Lady Monika? Does she have long brown hair in a ponytail?

[If it's the same person he met her for the first time only recently, and he's surprised to hear that she apparently leads a literature club! She did enthusiastically encourage him to write a letter to Maribelle to try and resolve his conflict with her, but he didn't expect her to be this invested in writing (and, apparently, reading).]

[bakudan_bambino]

[He doesn’t mean to throw Hijikata off. His writing is because of Monika. Gokudera journals all the time, but he’s pulling out a folded piece of paper where it has his writing (in Japanese instead of G-Script) on it. There are more lines scratched through, corrections noted.]

Yes?

[mayoninofukucho]

I see.

[Come to think... didn't he see Gokudera call into Maribelle's call-out broadcast too? Ugh, this whole mess is so upsetting to think about, he doesn't really feel like trying to defend his honour right now. Gokudera is still willing to hang out with him, so his opinion of him can't be totally wrecked!]

So she started a literature club, and in order to get in you've got to submit a haiku for her to judge? Or is this just a standard club activity?

[bakudan_bambino]

Well, no but she did want me to submit something. It’s not like I have to join her club, but… that she’s encouraged me, and I’d like to give her something. I don’t know how often she even gets submissions.

[Gokudera looks troubled at his own writing.]

It doesn’t have to be anything. I don’t even have to submit anything.

[He pouts. Gokudera is just trying to be thoughtful, and show that he not only listened to Monika’s suggestion, but that he was honestly more receptive than she likely knows.]

I don’t know if it’s officially even a club, or if there are other members. She has a place for it… here

[Gokudera navigates to The Literature Corner, a YouTube channel.]

I haven’t decided if I want an alias or not… but working on this has helped me distract myself. [While simultaneously helping him accept his feelings.]

[mayoninofukucho]

[Hijikata looks at Monika's channel on Gokudera's phone. This young lady sure has the influencer thing down to an art form; everything looks neat, tidy and inviting. So it's like this; she just wants to engage with her followers... that is a good distraction for Gokudera.]

Hm. Well, what's your haiku about? Let's start with that.

[bakudan_bambino]

[As much as he’s avoiding his feelings, he’s accepted them easier. Journaling has helped, but a poem is so personal by comparison. He’s pausing thoughtfully.]

About a crisp morning… that feeling of a new start… something like that.

[mayoninofukucho]

The early petals
Are unfurling on the branch.
The dawn comes early.

Something like that?

Continued from above!

[mayoninofukucho]

(Continued from here!)

Hijikata wishes he knew what could make it easier. In his experience one simply has to push through, keep busy, apply oneself, take one day after the next.]

You got two royals to fall for you? You've got to have something about you that's irresistible to them.

[He's teasing him, trying to lighten the mood, but he follows it up with something more sincere.]

Don't say you didn't belong with them. They chose you, didn't they?

[bakudan_bambino]

[Gokudera’s ears turn a bit pink as he thinks of how lucky he was. He’ll never be that lucky ever again, probably. He has no idea why either of them liked him. Well… he knew better Zuko’s reasoning than Aurora’s. They had a couple arguments and conversations, and neither of them got much of a confession out.

He nods gently, but frowns. Whatever it was they saw… he wonders what it was.]

No idea why! Nearly every single friend of Zuko’s hates me. Said I was just gonna hurt him again, and honestly, they’d have been better together and it’s not like any of it even matters!

[It doesn’t.

No matter what he feels, nothing is going to bring them back. He won’t get any do-overs, any chances to tell either of them how lucky he felt.

His hand go to his eyes, and he presses the heels in so he sees stars, then takes a deep rattled breath, cigarette still perched between his lips.]

…

I’ve been really lucky.

[mayoninofukucho]

[Hijikata remembers that Zuko's friends thought poorly of Gokudera. Well, it really doesn't matter anymore now, does it? He exhales smoke.]

It's hard to understand, isn't it?

[He also never understood why Mitsuba liked him. Such a gentle woman... what did she see in an abrasive, violent man like him?]

I know you didn't hurt Zuko.

[He doesn't know that at all, but he believes it. Gokudera is an earnest boy. Hijikata saw how happy and excited he was to enjoy a night out with his partners. Whatever reservations the others had about him, he's convinced that they were based on prejudices.]

[bakudan_bambino]

[He sighs and slumps forward even more.]

I did. Before… the collar, and my time in those other worlds. He knew too much about the Tenth and the family, and my powers. I definitely overreacted and tried to kill him. So…

[A drag off the smoke and he relaxes a little more. What can he do to change what happened? Nothing.]

Yeah. I did. I mean, I wouldn’t try to hurt him unless I have good reason, but… I’m not the only person he left behind.

[He’d reach out to Hikaru, but…]

[mayoninofukucho]

[Well, that's a surprise. Hijikata had no idea that Gokudera and Zuko were together on another world before Avalon! He simply assumed that Zuko's friends were worried because he'd been hurt by some other partner before.]

So the two of you go way back to multiple worlds ago? And all his friends were on that world with you too? Regardless, going from "I tried to kill him" to "He's my boyfriend now" is one hell of a development. 'Enemies to Lovers' rarely ever happens in real life!

[What is he calling "real life"...]

Whom else did he leave behind here, another boyfriend or girlfriend?

[He thought it was just a tricycle! Are there side branches?]

[bakudan_bambino]

Huh? I never knew Zuko before coming to this world.

[Gokudera shakes his head.]

He knew another version of me, is all. Just assumed I could carry on where that other Gokudera left off.

Hm? Aurora vanished while she was sleeping the night with me. Then, when I told Zuko and didn’t get an answer… I guess I shouldn’t have been so surprised.

[So Zuko left his boyfriend behind after Aurora left them both. That implies too much that they hold some responsibility in their leaving. He knows he shouldn’t be upset at either of them. Not like anything will change much…]

Guess I’ll be better off single…

[He still has his boss, which is amazing. It’s honestly unreal to have so much support and he doesn’t mean to seem ungrateful.]

Unless any of them come back.

[mayoninofukucho]

[Oh... oh. So it's like that. God, the multiverse is a complicated web of worlds and timelines. He exhales smoke as he thinks about it.]

...

Well, even if Zuko saw the other timeline's Gokudera in you at first, you guys still hit off as yourselves in the end, right? As for staying single, just do what feels right. If this is it, then go for it, but don't stand in your own way.

[He knows that Gokudera probably can't imagine falling in love again right now, but he's saying this preemptively, just in case. Then again Gokudera's been through so many losses, he probably doesn't need advice on the matter, all the less from a man who's still yearning for the love interests he left behind on the last world.]

[bakudan_bambino]

Yeah. He made it a point that he wasn’t expecting the same thing. That other Gokudera hurt him pretty badly, so honestly… I just think he’s a very forgiving person.

[And they’ve have plenty of arguments even before they ‘hit it off’, and some during! Gokudera feels a pang in his chest as he thinks about their last disagreement, and how actively Zuko worked to make him feel better.]

Mmmh… Right… pretty good at doing that.

[His entire life has been an uphill fight. He’s had to work unbelievably hard at everything he’s good at. The only times he’s had great success was when he wasn’t trying to fit a role, and was able to be creative and self-expressive. He… really ought to think more positive and dragging himself down.]

Thanks…

[For listening to him, talking to him… Even trying to give him some kind of advice. The offer is nice, and that reminds him he isn’t alone. This is not so easy to deal with.

But he isn’t alone.]

[mayoninofukucho]

[Hijikata puts a hand on Gokudera's shoulder and gives it a squeeze. He wants to support him, even if he often doesn't think he finds the right words.]

Remember, they're all still out there, everyone we ever cared about. Even the ones who died. And Aurora and Zuko will be okay, and if they ever meet you again, then I hope they'll remember you.

[He feels like his time on Avalon, especially since he got his death magic, gave him a sense of tranquility. Nobody gets lost forever in the multiverse. Somewhere, maybe even in several places and several times, everybody still exists, or at least their echoes.]

[bakudan_bambino]

[Gokudera leans into the weight of that hand squeezing supportively on his shoulder. There aren’t words necessary that help the same way Hijikata’s company does.]

You’re right…

[They are still out there the same way he is out here. Now he can go back to focusing on work, getting stronger to protect his boss.]

[mayoninofukucho]

[Hijikata has exhausted his capacities for uplifting words - already he's second-guessing if what he said didn't sound too cliché or idealistic, but then he really does believe it. After all he was reunited with the deceased Mitsuba on Prismatica, and when he re-met Riou here on Avalon the survivalist's memories of him returned after a while, as if the timelines needed a little to align. So why should the same not be possible for anyone else too?

He stubs out his cigarette butt and turns to head back into the library building.]

Let's see if we can still get some studying done. Or poetry.

[If doesn't really matter if they do or don't, as long as Gokudera feels a little less bad... and Hijikata thinks he does.]