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Text/audio un: birdofprey

[At first all that can be heard is a tap tap tap sound of a bird trying to peck the screen to send a message to the network. Once done the message does come up.]

hw do ak female n dat?

[Said bird might be smart, but he definitely hasn't quite grasped human spelling and grammar. The nosy familiar is trying to get advice for his stupid human on how to ask a girl out since said human sucks at doing so and figured a nudge might help.

Then the sound of wings flapping can be heard along with Hawk's voice.]

What the hell do you think you're doing, stupid bird?

[Clearly he needs to familiar proof his place. Of course Hawk doesn't realize yet that the bird somehow figured out how to send that to the network. So after he closes the window the familiar got in through, there will just be sounds of him walking around and getting dressed until abut a minute goes by and the message times out.]

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[Every day this month Kadoc tells himself that is enough of the network for a good long time, and every day he makes himself a liar and tunes back in only to see something like this. Had that been an actual bird? That had sounded like an actual bird, hadn't it?

He can't stay his hand.]

Have you tried flashing your tail feathers at her to prove your genetic fitness? Maybe building a complex nest with some bottlecaps you found. Or performing an hour long dance.

Shit, you're actually a lot better at this than humans are. I should be the one asking you.

[Shit, he didn't realize that somehow his familiar figured out how to send whatever it was doing to the network.]

What you part bird or something too? All I know is that knowing my familiar is looking for a lady hawk to have baby hawks with is up there in things I didn't want to know about.

[But thanks for the out there. Hawk knows what the damn nosy bird was up to and said nosy bird should be glad it flew off.]

I'm not part bird. Unfortunately for your familiar, I doubt many of us reading this are experienced in seducing hawks. Which makes you wonder why it'd ask the network of all places.

[He hasn't cottoned on yet that this was an "asking for a friend" situation, but it is pretty weird, huh.]

[If Hawk were willing to talk about it to just anyone he'd be saying that one person here knows how to seduce a hawk.]

Maybe he's grown curious about human mating habits since some people on the network can't seem to shut up about that topic. Not like I'd be a good source for what constitutes normal human anything.

There's a lot people on the network can't shut up about lately. I'm surprised he didn't start us off with his life story before looking for dating advice. But that's neither here nor there. I get the feeling not many of us here are exactly paragons of the normal human experience.

We still probably draw the line at seducing birds, though.

I don't know, those stories were very useful to help me fall asleep. Better than most of those supposed sleep aids you see people selling.

Drawing the line at seducing an actual bird maybe. But a human with wings? Definitely not.

Are you kidding? That's probably a kink for plenty of people. It's a feature, not a bug. But your familiar isn't a human with wings.

I assume.

Nah, he's not but I am. I'm quite familiar with the reactions around here to them.

Was this just bragging all along?

The best way to learn about girls is to follow one around all day!

[ This sounds way worse than it actually is. ]

Sounds like a great way to get the shit beaten out of you by a girl.

Why would they if they said you could!?
Are you not planning on asking first?!

Even better, just go ask a girl if I can basically stalk them.

It's not stalking if you have permission! It's shadowing! You want to learn about girls, right?

Nah, that was my familiar asking. Guess he's looking for a lady hawk to have some fun with or something.

[Nope, totally not acknowledging the potential that it could have been asking for him. Never would do that.]

Oh. Ohh.

[ That's why he was yelling at the bird.. Taichi didn't connect the dots there. ]

I don't know anything about hawks, birds have like a whole different set of rules and I don't want to get pecked for giving the wrong answer (O_O)!!

Is your friend declaring her gender?

[He'll go ahead and respond back with voice. He's not quite decent enough to think it a good idea to respond to a girl with video.]

That was my familiar and he's male. Incredibly annoying too.

[ She snickers. Her own familiar has her annoying traits too. ]

So just really bad at typing? Or has he not learned about proofreading yet.

He's a hawk, even in this crazy place they aren't exactly known for such skills. If I have anything to say about it, he won't be mastering spelling and grammar.

Why not? Seems like a useful skill for a familiar to have.

Because I'm not letting him near my phone ever again. Next time I'll bring it into the shower with me if I have to.

[ She restrains a snicker. ]

You sure you want to shower with a camera in the room?

I wasn't aware that familiars could type on the network and ask for love advice. Should I be letting mine try the same?

[His own familiar, a colorful hummingbird, just kind of side-eyes him.]

Apparently they can. Caught him pecking the screen.

[Damn bird is way too damn smart for his own good.]

Maybe see if your hawk is interested in other hawks? Or other birds?

[Apparently Gaius' familiar is smart enough to read and doesn't seem to like where this is going.]

If he's looking for a lady hawk to go have baby hawks with, I don't want to know.

Or maybe he just wants other hawks to talk to in general? I suppose it's hard to tell what our familiars are thinking.

[Uhh...what did that text even mean? Mukuro stared at the message for quite a while, until Hawk's voice rang through and distracted her from her thoughts.

...Wait, did 'dat' mean 'date'?]

uhh think your familiar is trying to help? Maybe?

[But that would mean...]

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