video un: konpeito_oni with un: fireprince

[konpeito_aji]

Make sure you get my good side!

[Oda Nobunaga is being filmed by someone else, and as he quickly makes apparent: hunting in the forest.]

Okay! This is Oda Nobunaga, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven. [He'll get tired of that mouthful... eventually.] Hijikata-sama is busy doing super important police work so I got Zuko to provide backup so I can show you proper sumo techniques on a bear fir! Those are trees in the shape of bears. Don't worry, if I get eaten, and can't cut my way free, Zuko will set it on fire, and then we'll show you how to make sure it doesn't spread to the forest!

First you need to lure it! [He has a fish for the bait.] In my time, we would give offerings and sacrifices, but since I want to wrestle one, not appease it--

[He doesn't get to finish the sentence before he gets sideswiped by an irritated bear fir. It was not lured by the fish. It was flushed out by Nobunaga's oni, but who's counting?]

[Nobunaga crashes into a tree, gets the wind knocked out of him... but he's grinning ear to ear.]

[And tackles the bear, trying to wrestle, or ride it, or... who the fuck knows?]

[It's a bit insane. But eventually he winds up inside it and cuts himself free...]

[And looks sorely disappointed.]

Ah... that's it? I didn't get to show anything off... Okay! Let's do the fire anyway! Zuko set me on fire!

[This can only end well.]

[On cue, a small puff of flame appears from the cameraman's unseen hands. The flames are weak. After another, only slightly bigger puff, a grumble can be heard, before one more unsteady, unimpressive lick of flames appears from thin air, followed by a hoarse:]

What the fuck?!

[Muttered under the firebender's breath. Finally, fourth must be the charm... and a gust of fire shoots forth, striking Nobunaga straight-on. Thank goodness the daimyo has healing magic because, uh, Zuko is clearly not fully in control of this fire he's magicking up. And he's very embarrassed to be short on juice on a live public feed. This whole thing isn't going exactly to plan, is it?]

[The grown warlord then holds up a finger, as his cuirass (at least it's not his Japanese armor? Is that better or worse?) smolders and gets hotter!] This technique isn't taught in my time, but you should all know it!

Stop! Drop! And roll!

[And he demonstrates.]

[The bear fir in the meanwhile has recollected, REFORMED itself... and just decides an idiot on fire is not worth trying to eat again. Good thinking. Off it goes!]

[No idiots were maimed in the making of this video. Don't play with fire. Or bear trees.]

Comments

[konpeito_aji]

As tempting as that is too, I don't have your natural ability to smile no matter the occasion.

[He's smiling now though! He's having fun!]

[damn_kitsune]

No, you really don't. You may actually scare off some of the patrons.

[konpeito_aji]

[WELP NOW HE WANTS TO DO BARTENDING TO PROVE HE CAN DO IT BETTER THAN MITSUHIDE!]

I would not! I could get more tips than you in a day I bet!

[damn_kitsune]

[Totally smirking! Guess who's back in full enabler mode!]

That will be hard to do since my jar is actually overflowing by the end of my shift.

[konpeito_aji]

I can and will.

[YOU DARE DARE THE DEMON KING! YOU SHALL PAY FOR THIS IMPUDENCE!!!]

[damn_kitsune]

Will you balance drinks on your head as well?

[Maybe now Nobunaga will be able to hold a job for more than one day.]

[konpeito_aji]

I'll do you even better! I'll balance them on my feet while doing a handstand!

[SUCK ON THAT KITSUNE MAN!]

[damn_kitsune]

And how will you be able to set the drinks in front of the customers without the use of your hands?

[Though he would love to see Nobunaga try.]

[konpeito_aji]

Moving the tray with one foot.

[HE WANTS TO DEMONSTRATE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW but uh... forest. What can he do--]

[Fuck it, he just tosses a fan gracefully into the air, lands it on a foot, and cheerfully slides it across to the other in a steady dance maneuver, before kicking it back in the air and catching it in his hand.]

You dare question the Demon King?

[damn_kitsune]

[Impressive. But there is just one thing.]

Ah, but that was just a fan. You can't do that with glass full of liquid. At least, you can't do it without spilling it all over the place.

[konpeito_aji]

We shall see!

[damn_kitsune]

I'll be sure to have a camera ready.

[konpeito_aji]

Just make sure you get my good side!

[Referencing the comment he made to Zuko!]