video un: konpeito_oni with un: fireprince

[konpeito_aji]

Make sure you get my good side!

[Oda Nobunaga is being filmed by someone else, and as he quickly makes apparent: hunting in the forest.]

Okay! This is Oda Nobunaga, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven. [He'll get tired of that mouthful... eventually.] Hijikata-sama is busy doing super important police work so I got Zuko to provide backup so I can show you proper sumo techniques on a bear fir! Those are trees in the shape of bears. Don't worry, if I get eaten, and can't cut my way free, Zuko will set it on fire, and then we'll show you how to make sure it doesn't spread to the forest!

First you need to lure it! [He has a fish for the bait.] In my time, we would give offerings and sacrifices, but since I want to wrestle one, not appease it--

[He doesn't get to finish the sentence before he gets sideswiped by an irritated bear fir. It was not lured by the fish. It was flushed out by Nobunaga's oni, but who's counting?]

[Nobunaga crashes into a tree, gets the wind knocked out of him... but he's grinning ear to ear.]

[And tackles the bear, trying to wrestle, or ride it, or... who the fuck knows?]

[It's a bit insane. But eventually he winds up inside it and cuts himself free...]

[And looks sorely disappointed.]

Ah... that's it? I didn't get to show anything off... Okay! Let's do the fire anyway! Zuko set me on fire!

[This can only end well.]

[On cue, a small puff of flame appears from the cameraman's unseen hands. The flames are weak. After another, only slightly bigger puff, a grumble can be heard, before one more unsteady, unimpressive lick of flames appears from thin air, followed by a hoarse:]

What the fuck?!

[Muttered under the firebender's breath. Finally, fourth must be the charm... and a gust of fire shoots forth, striking Nobunaga straight-on. Thank goodness the daimyo has healing magic because, uh, Zuko is clearly not fully in control of this fire he's magicking up. And he's very embarrassed to be short on juice on a live public feed. This whole thing isn't going exactly to plan, is it?]

[The grown warlord then holds up a finger, as his cuirass (at least it's not his Japanese armor? Is that better or worse?) smolders and gets hotter!] This technique isn't taught in my time, but you should all know it!

Stop! Drop! And roll!

[And he demonstrates.]

[The bear fir in the meanwhile has recollected, REFORMED itself... and just decides an idiot on fire is not worth trying to eat again. Good thinking. Off it goes!]

[No idiots were maimed in the making of this video. Don't play with fire. Or bear trees.]

Comments

[rediscovering]

Yeah, that's my best friend, so watch it.

[ He set you on fire once before when you asked for it, Nobunaga! Don't make him do it unprompted!

Nice comment for the video feed to publicly pick up, though, aww. :') Even if it... is technically a threat... ]

VIDEO; UN: SMOKING_BOMB just gonna go ahead and hijack my way in here

[bakudan_bambino]

Zuko, it's okay. You want a stupid insult-nickname, too? He doesn't mean anything bad by it.

Maybe I'll put up my own post where everyone can come up with creative insults for you so you don't feel excluded?

[He's grinning, touched, but also hey this is too fun.]

[konpeito_aji]

[BEST FRIEND!]

[That's awesome.]

[Nobunaga has no friends. That's not true, Masamune is basically the closest he has though.]

[WHAT IS IT LIKE GUYS?]

Sparky! Flambe! Ember! [... He's going to get set on fire again, and he has only himself to blame.]

[bakudan_bambino]

No... gotta work in something about hot air...

[Honestly Nobunaga can be their friend, too. This is taking his mind off all sorts of shit. More of this please. ZUKO MORE FIRE.]

Or you can just call him a dork? It's kind of close to a nerd, right?

[konpeito_aji]

But Zuko's not like a balloon? What do they call baby dragons in your monster hunting adventures?

Whale penis doesn't work. [Dork translates, Nerd doesn't. Remember it.]

[bakudan_bambino]

You know, I never met a baby dragon in all my... adventures.

you're right...

Maybe a fart, then? Hot air? Flammable?

[konpeito_aji]

Oh! One of those little lighters they hold up in movies of rock concerts?

What are those called?

[rediscovering]

They're called lighters!!!

[ Heard being yelled in the background.

Zuko owns like half a dozen for no reason. It's his, uh, fidget flame.

He's really a dweeb, is the word missing here... ]

[konpeito_aji]

What? They need something better. Isn't there like a -- oh! Matchstick?

[rediscovering]

Ugh...! [ He's clearly not enjoying this. ]

At least it's better than Sifu Hotman...

[ Fuck, he shouldn't have lamented that nickname out loud, should he have. ]

[konpeito_aji]

Zippo!

It's perfect! It even has the alliteration trendy thing!

[bakudan_bambino]

You read my mind.

That's it. It's decided. Zippo.

[rediscovering]

...Fine. I'd take Zippo over Zuzu, anyway.

[ Y'all wore him down. ...It wasn't hard to. ]

[konpeito_aji]

No, no, that's the sound effect for drinking tea.

Zippo's way better. You're all fighty like it!

[rediscovering]

What — "Zuzu" is a sound effect for drinking tea in Japan?! Oh, no... I don't want Azula and Uncle calling me that...!

[ This is uncanny and horrible news to him. ]

[konpeito_aji]

[Laughs.] Do they already?

[Oh gosh family affection. Is that how others are? That's sweet.]

[rediscovering]

My sister calls me Zuzu... She always has, cuz she knows it annoys me, so she thinks that's funny.

[ AHEM. ]

[konpeito_aji]

[Oh right, THAT kind of "affection." WELL, at least Zuzu lives on.]

Now she can call you Zippo too. Unless that's too badass. [He doesn't know what "badass" is either.]

[rediscovering]

If it'll annoy me, then she'll love it. As long as no one's calling me "Uncle Dragon" like my friend Hikaru used to, then I'll live...

[konpeito_aji]

No no, your dragon isn't your nephew.

[bakudan_bambino]

Sifu Hotman? Not insulting enough. I think it should be something small like matchstick, but that also sounds kind of cool. Kind of like my username...

Bic is a brand of lighter, but I think it's kind of lost.

[rediscovering]

Sifu Hotman is a plenty annoying nickname, what! It's like— how people talked in the Fire Nation a hundred years ago, like you'd call your fellow "hotman" — "stay flamin', hotman," "flameo, my hotman!" — really old-fashioned! Plus Sifu is what you'd call a teacher — it's just silly! Who'd call their master hotman?!

[ Hearing Zuko put on historical airs in his impersonation to describe what "hotman" means in itself kind of hysterical, and he's taking this so earnestly even though he knows it's a joke... He's not upset, he's just deliciously flappable and sincere to a hilarious fault. ]

[rediscovering]

What the hell, guys?!

[ Zuko is not good at being teased, what is happening, he's lost and bothered and increasingly bashful. ]

[bakudan_bambino]

We can't leave you out. It's not fair to do so. Just accept the stupid, insulting nickname. I'm a nerd, he's a geezer, and you can be a fart? Or... something else. I'm not completely sold on that name yet.

[rediscovering]

Not that...

[ Definitely. Not. That. ]]