text; @uecchi;

[uenosama]

[Uenoyama posts a picture of the tree first, and then follows it with a comment.

One would think that those are low-hanging paper decorations in circle shapes. But no. They are not. Those are sugar cookies in every single color that exists. On trees.]

I thought the saying was "Money doesn't grow on trees"
But apparently, cookies do


WHY are there cookies on trees!?
Are these things actually edible?
Is this some kind of trick?
Like a pretty looking mushroom but it's actually poisonous?

Comments

[konpeito_aji]

I spent several decades trying to convince people magic isn't real.

[It's less pain that bothers him as much as maaaaaagical side effects.]

[uenosama]

And? I come from place that has no magic at all.
There are people that are good at deceiving and doing magic tricks but magic like this doesn't exist
Denying that there's magic HERE when there's dangerous stuff going on is a hidrance

[konpeito_aji]

I'm not saying it's not real.
I'm saying I don't know that I'm good enough to heal my poisons.
Whatever! It's fine!
If Mitsuhide asks, I only SAMPLED flavors, and there is no poison!
Do you know how to do the thumbs up thing?

[uenosama]

Oh
I can help you? If it happens of course
I can amplify magic. Maybe that would be good enough?

[He'll be good at removing curses too one day when he's trained.

Mitsuhide...? That sounds like a Japanese name.]

Why do you need to hide the fact that you're eating cookies?

The thumbs up thing?
Just giving thumbs up yes. If there's anything else related to it I don't know.

[konpeito_aji]

Really? I will find you then if I need to!
I'm not hiding it. I'm protecting him from needless fret!
No, I mean on text. I will look it up.
Later.
Cookies first.

[uenosama]

Sure no problem.

That sounds like hiding to me.

Oh that
👍
Try not to get sick

[konpeito_aji]

[HE LOVES THIS!!!! HE LOVES THIS WAY TOO MUCH!!!]

I won't! 👍
Mitsuhide just knows how I am about opportunities. I do not let them go to waste!

[Which is a fancy way of saying he's going to eat hundreds of cookies and be truly the biggest dumbass on the island.]

[uenosama]

[YES HE CAN TELL

Uenoyama's just glad these things aren't poisonous and the entire city will be safe from, well, side effects of food poisoning.]

Well it's good to go after them, but it doesn't hurt to think about it first

[Uenoyama can't tell the guy what to do or not; he'll just be over here and silently judging.]

[konpeito_aji]

I have thought about it and decided I must sample at least one of everything. More of my favorites.

[uenosama]

I mean if you can handle that much sugar at once have fun

[He's never met this man but he's worried for him. Like. Seriously worried.]

[konpeito_aji]

Of course I can! I'm the Demon King!

[HOURS LATER:]

Where are you? I might need some enhancing.

[uenosama]

[Oh god...]

???
What happened?
Did you fall out of the tree?

[konpeito_aji]

Of course not!

[WHY DOES ANYONE THINK THAT IS A POSSIBILITY? Who gets injured falling out of trees? Isn't it standard that ninjas are always using trees for lurking? Oh right, probably not for people who haven't been dealing with assassins since they were eight.]

I ate hundreds of cookies.

[You read that right. Hundreds. At least it was thousands?]

I have conquered my pancreas.

[No... Just no.]

[uenosama]

[Because Uenoyama is NOT a ninja and he can't climb around willy-nilly.]

Hundreds? That's impossible, you'd die from sugar overdose

[Wait-]

ARE YOU DYING FROM SUGAR OVERDOSE!?

I'm on my way

You didn't conquer shit

[konpeito_aji]

[Oh. IS THIS WHAT DYING FEELS LIKE?]

[HMMMMMMMM.]

[He'll just lay here on the ground then.]

[And focus on healing himself.]

[Oh wait one more text!]

I have so. I have met the enemy, and it is mine.

I ate some ginger snaps to settle my stomach, and now I am much better at channeling my healing magic through the sweets.

[uenosama]

[He doesn't even bother responding to the message anymore and just stalks around the orchards to find a guy, laying in the grass, either rolling over in pain or passed out.]

Where are you?

[...he forgot to ask where he is. And THEN he stops using the phone and just rushes around to find him.

This must be what pure gluttony looks like...]

[konpeito_aji]

[He has too much energy to pass out!]

[But he waves!]

[And whistles for Haguro, his falcon (not his familiar) Haguro will help signal where Nobunaga is laying like an idiot.]

[A CONTENT AS FUCK IDIOT.]

[He is WAY too proud of himself.]

[uenosama]

[Uenoyama can feel himself twitch at the obvious sight of an adult being reckless. Maybe he should snap a photo and show it to the next person that tries to tell him he needs to be "careful" and that he's "too young".

He shifts the guitar case on his back and walks over, crouching next to the guy.]

I see now that you are older than me, so apologies for rudeness, but you are kind of stupid.

[Mafuyu's bluntness is rubbing off on him.]

[konpeito_aji]

It's been awhile since anyone said that to my face, but they did used to call me the Fool of Owari a lot.

[Nope, he doesn't care. He is full of cookies, and he has almost never been happier!]