text; un: signorvespa

[prontissimo]

i hate this

the sky has been leaking for DAYs... WEEKS??

it's so cold my eyes are frozen!

i hate this weird white water

i want to go outside...



[ A photo of a colored pencil drawing is attached... depicting Alberto "(in a blanket)" beside his familiar Carlo and his pet compsognathus Sofia, trapped inside his home "(forever?)," labeled "cold, alone... and fed up!" beneath falling snow — AKA "weird white water??? (every day...!!!)" — outside the window... All of them clearly "very unhappy" — the sheer image of misery itself. ]

SO!
let's trade!!!
anyone who can help me find or make something like this, i'll cook you food or something, whatever, we'll talk......
but as soon as possible,
i need one of THESE:



[ Another image is attached of Alberto wearing what... seems to be a diver's suit? Or something??? Holding a "giant umbrella" in one hand and Sofia on a leash in a harness in the other, Carlo floating above, all "dry, safe, warm, and NOT at home..." There's still plenty of snow white water around them, "but not on Alberto!" Most importantly, though, in this drawing, they're all happy! — as... baffling as it is to anyone else, surely... No thanks, no niceties, just complaints and demands, urgent, desperate, and maybe a little, um, bizarre? Un po. The kid's gone mad with cabin fever, possibly? This is... well... th-this is something. Definitely something. Ahem. ]

Comments

[prontissimo]

[ Hmm... maybe he meant, like, the opposite of police. He deals with police in his job. Police would want to arrest him. Like a criminal. ]

youre not a thief
so you dont steal stuff
but maybe you SELL stolen stuff
and make a profit
so the police are out to get you too!

your an illegal... stuff... monger?

[ Big brain, Alberto. ]

[bakudan_bambino]

No.

[prontissimo]

giant crazy cat trader

il maggiore would DEFINITELY have a problem with a cat like uri running around portorosso!! i mean you'd at least get a TICKET or something!

[bakudan_bambino]

Uri was a GIFT!

[prontissimo]

yikes
ok

[ Questioning who the hell thought to give that thing as a gift, but okay. ]

secret sea monster hunter?

[bakudan_bambino]

no

And you’re getting colder. I would love to be a mystery hunter.

But unfortunately I am not

[prontissimo]

you'd love to hunt sea monsters? serioudly?

[ Pausing this game momentarily just to dwell on that point. ]

[bakudan_bambino]

No. I’m hunting the mystery, and it’s not just sea monsters. It’s like… I want my job to be proving that mysterious creatures exist!

It doesn’t mean much in this world.

Also my familiar is a Lariosauro.

[prontissimo]

so if you found one youd kidnap it, but not murder it? or what?

i dont know what a lariosauro is
im guessing some kinda mysterious monster?

[bakudan_bambino]

I would neither capture or murder it.

Lariosauro is a sea monster. Kind of looks like a strange giant lizard?

[prontissimo]

never heard of him

but thats all good to know
we'll revisit that

anyway

secret bodyguard

[bakudan_bambino]

you’re very warm

[prontissimo]

bodyguard...
secret police...

are you a good guy or a bad guy

[ gruihsjknd Alberto this isn't a movie or a comic book or something, you're talking to a real person ]

[bakudan_bambino]

Im not involved with the police.

[prontissimo]

do the police want to arrest you
or give you a ticket

[ He's not even really sure what police arrest people for. He's only seen the police in Portorosso write parking tickets, really. ]

[bakudan_bambino]

No…?

[In which world?]

[prontissimo]

bodyguard is warm... secret police is warm... but not involved with normal police... and the police don't want to arrest you OR give you a ticket.

[ This is like a riddle, the kid's obviously eating this up. He's so bored...! Can you tell? ]

you're a secret bodyguard FOR the secret police!!!

[ And absolutely bull shitting by this point. His natural instinct. ]

[bakudan_bambino]

Bodyguard is warmer than secret police.

But, no. You still have not guessed it.

[prontissimo]

[ He can't let it rest now... He feels so close.

But he's not. Because he's spent his life under the sea, alone on an uninhabited island, and/or in a tiny fishing village, and has a very limited understanding of all the different jobs in the human world... So this is gonna drive him nuts. He needs to get it right, though. ]

secret soldier

[ Just picking normal jobs and adding "secret" in front doesn't make it a real job, child... ]

[bakudan_bambino]

[He is, and isn’t close at all. This job is secret, but that has nothing to do with his job title.]

no