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text; un: signorvespa

i hate this

the sky has been leaking for DAYs... WEEKS??

it's so cold my eyes are frozen!

i hate this weird white water

i want to go outside...

[ A photo of a colored pencil drawing is attached... depicting Alberto "(in a blanket)" beside his familiar Carlo and his pet compsognathus Sofia, trapped inside his home "(forever?)," labeled "cold, alone... and fed up!" beneath falling snow — AKA "weird white water??? (every day...!!!)" — outside the window... All of them clearly "very unhappy" — the sheer image of misery itself. ]

SO!
let's trade!!!
anyone who can help me find or make something like this, i'll cook you food or something, whatever, we'll talk......
but as soon as possible,
i need one of THESE:

[ Another image is attached of Alberto wearing what... seems to be a diver's suit? Or something??? Holding a "giant umbrella" in one hand and Sofia on a leash in a harness in the other, Carlo floating above, all "dry, safe, warm, and NOT at home..." There's still plenty of ~~snow~~ white water around them, "but not on Alberto!" Most importantly, though, in this drawing, they're all happy! — as... baffling as it is to anyone else, surely... No thanks, no niceties, just complaints and demands, urgent, desperate, and maybe a little, um, bizarre? Un po. The kid's gone mad with cabin fever, possibly? This is... well... th-this is something. Definitely something. Ahem. ]

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[ Alberto all but slams his espresso cup down on the desktop, a few drops escaping in the upset, as he jumps to his feet. A wide grin spreads over his face, eyes absolutely fixed on Jade in his seat, a certain heat and intensity and sparkle about his gaze suddenly. He claps his hands excitedly and then ~~finger-guns~~ points to Jade with both hands, like an epiphany struck. Almost on cue, in time, the quiet pop song ends, and the energy takes a steep boost along with Alberto. ]

Hah! So you get it! You make the Change, too! You're a sea monster~!

[ He rubs his palms together, grin turning into an excited smirk, tapping his bare feet a bit in anticipation, already feeling the espresso, his tiny cup half-empty by now. He's got a little fourteen-year-old body and he's a noodle, okay. ]

Okay, okay, show me the anti-water clothes you brought! Let's do this!

[ Cutting right to the chase. There... wasn't much need to redirect the conversation after all. Alberto did it himself, big reveal, however anti-climactic and conversational. ]

Aha, Merman is the preferred term. Specifically an eel merman, but that is beside the point.

[But Jade won't hang onto the subject either, because he has confirmation and info that may or may not be useful in the future. But he gets up, downing the rest of his espresso quickly.

It won't hit him for a while, but Jade's invigorated already. It's not been a boring visit. He heads over to the bags and fishes around in them, pulling out a bright yellow and blue number that looks like it might fit.]

I do not know if anti-water is the right word, but it should keep most of it off. And I have a few other sizes and styles as well.

[ Alberto is eager and at the ready, and slips the raincoat on as soon as it's handed to him. He examines himself, looking down, but then rushes to open his bathroom door, revealing a full-length mirror on the inside. It came like that, not something he found or purchased himself. But is finally coming in handy! He gives a little spin, grinning all the while, looking at his reflection over his shoulder.

He turns back to Jade with the same amount of excitement, undeterred, but without comment on this garment. It fits well enough, but Alberto's distracted by the suggestion of options. ]

What else did you bring? "Other styles?" Like what~?

[ He's never had a large wardrobe... Or frankly even enough to call his closet a "wardrobe" at all. He barely had more than three outfits or so back home; barely one or two as a little kid, just wore shorts woven from seaweed, mostly. Here he has barely more than six outfits. This is the most clothes he's ever owned in his life. And it's... still not a lot... He's anxious for a mini-fashion show here, okay. ]

Oh, I wasn't sure what you would prefer, let alone what would fit you so I selected a few. Also don't forget, I shall take your measurements before I leave and write them down. That way it'll be easier to pick your own clothes in the future.

[Normally Jade would have made sure that Alberto was wearing something a little bigger so that he could grow into it. But in this place, it that advice became worthless.

He pulled out a few others: a plain yellow raincoat along with a sweater to go underneath it, several loud prints, like this one and so on.]

Feel free to keep whatever ones you like and don't mind the price. We shall negotiate an appropriate favor at a later date.

[Whatever he meant by that Jade wasn't going to elaborate.]

[ Alberto scoops up all the clothes Jade pulls out, spreading them out on the foot of his bed unceremoniously as he quickly pulls the green and blue raincoat on. He goes straight for the dinosaur print, slipping that on and admiring his reflection. It's a little snug and short in the arms, a little small for such a gangly boy, which is a little disappointing; he has to scramble a little to get it back off, but he loves the print, and prattles on as he goes about his fitting. ]

Yeah, yeah, that sounds fine! I know how to do all kinds of stuff! Just lemme know what you need~! Hah, this is great~!

[ Finally free of the too-small dinosaur raincoat, he's pulling the sweater on over his head and moving onto the classic yellow raincoat, smile permanently stuck on his face, seemingly. ]

Oooh~!

He's acting like he's never worn clothes before, jeez... What a strange kid... ]

[Oh Alberto, don't make promises you are going to regret keeping...

But still, it's funny to watch him dash about trying everything on. Jade tried to get things that were appropriate to his age at least and likely simple tastes]

I would advise that you also buy some boots to go with them. That's something better done on your own though since one shouldn't just guess those things. And good shoes and boots are important on land. At least that is what my Father always said.

[Really, he is wondering who had taught this boy... well anything? Had he not been to land long before coming here? ]

[ Alberto is charmed by novelty — and indeed, he'd spent less than a month amongst humans before arriving here, so simple or extravagant, anything humans do, say, eat, or wear is a novelty to him still, even after quite a few months here in Avalon. He'll never tire of experimenting.

He does hop to at the mention of boots, though, still wearing the sweater and yellow raincoat. It's actually pretty cute on him, with the faded old blue jeans he's wearing with the cuffs rolled up, though those still needed to be held up with... what looks like rope that he's using as a belt, there. He really mustn't have been on land long before coming here. To the same effect, he whips out a pair of worn brown boots from under his bed, a bit too big for him but fit well enough, just a size or two up. Not meant for snow, though — clearly more like hiking boots. He holds them up proudly, like look, he knows what he's doing!!!

...Those are his only pair of shoes.

...And he doesn't own any socks.

But he's got shoes!!! That's new! It's a start! ]

Ooh, I got those, yeah, look! I mean— they hurt my feet, but they kinda work. Better than being barefoot in the snow, hah! Back in Portorosso— that's the human town I lived in, heh— I didn't need shoes, it was sunny almost all the time! Even a lot of the human kids didn't wear shoes. And Dad never got me any shoes on the island, cuz, y'know — it's an island... [ The hell does that mean, what, what kind of island is he talking about ]

So your dad taught you all about human stuff, too, then?

[ There's some excitement in his voice at that. Apparently he does at least have a father who taught him some things, allegedly? These revealing little blips and clues he peppers in completely transparently, just from sheer energy. He's very curious to hear about Jade's father suddenly, though, practically beaming at the other, still showing off his off-season boots to him, hanging in his hand. Woohoo, shoes, a mark of a sea monster's success on land, obviously. ]

[When Jade sees those boots he frowns for a moment, because that won't do for many reasons. But one thing at a time. This is becoming a project, but it's not like he has much to do in this place right now. And it's amusing enough.]

You should be wearing shoes either way. Or something on your feet. It's better in the long run.

[Human feet and bodies were so delicate and it took far too long for him to acclimate when he first came to the surface. He is surprised to hear this boy mention a Dad and has to wonder even more now. Were the merpeople of his world that different?]

He taught me some things, yes. Not everything of course, because the lifestyle is that different from our own. But as a man of business, he has to visit associates on land and so he learned a thing or two that he passed on to my brother and me.

[Jade does walk over to look at those boots, because yes, at least Alberto would be able to hike. Which he might have to make him do some time in the future if they continue this acquaintance.]

He always told us you have to look your best, or else the land dwellers will not respect you. And respect is very important no matter where you are.

[ All this gets some eager nodding along, like he's absorbing all this information like a student, high energy still kept up in the air. Alberto looks dazzled by everything Jade's saying... until he mentions looking your best and respect and all that, and Alberto's expression sours sharply — but still in a way that seems to be in agreement, receptive, just as emphatic. ]

Yeah, that's true! Humans really care about clothes! It's dumb. The first land monster me and Luca met was this really chic kinda guy, y'know the type— Ercole... [ He says the name with some amount of venom and a roll of his eyes. ] We thought he was gonna be cool, he had a cool Vespa, was a popular guy, blah blah blah... But the first thing he did was start bullying us about our clothes. And we looked fine! I found those clothes myself! We looked just like all the other land monsters! He's just a jerk — he looked like a catfish, anyway. His mustache was like two sad little whiskers~

[ He's absolutely recycling Luca's burn (without credit) because psshhh sea monster humor? He's obviously over the moon to be in like company. ]

Edited 2021-12-16 22:22 (UTC)

[Oh an enemy was it? Probably not here of course, but it was worth remembering.
Hurt pride seemed to be a big thing with this boy.]

Well yes, they do care a bit much. And wear too many layers. It's frustrating, especially if you are not the kind of fish that has a lot of frilly fins like a beta fish. And so many things have to be snug.

[Jade didn't hate collars like his brother did, but sometimes it was a lot of weight to be carrying around. If it annoyed him he imagined it must be aggravating for this boy.]

But Luca is your friend then? If so, I hope you taught that Ercole a lesson. One should never let such comments go unpunished. It gives people ideas.

Oh, we taught Ercole a lesson, all right!

[ He's smug as he says this, stripping off the coat to try on the next as he continues. It's also obvious he's been eager for company... Can you tell? Excitable, gregarious kid. ]

So in the human town I moved to, every year there's a big race in the summer — a traditional Italian triathlon: swimming, bicycling, and eating pasta. It's called the Portorosso Cup. And every year, for five years straight, this guy won! And was a huge jerk about it, like he was better than everyone else, y'know? He was a bully. Huge jerk. Heh, this human girl me and Luca were friends with there, the one who got us in the contest in the first place — Giulia — she called it his "evil empire of injustice." Anyway, me and my friends joined the race and beat him! It was great! Even his two sidekicks turned against him in the end cuz he was such a jerk, hah! Ercole's "reign of terror" is finally over, haha!

[ He spins around admiring this raincoat as he gloats, a little too big, but he clearly doesn't seem displeased as he moves onto the next. Really, he doesn't look displeased by any of them, dazzled to have them at all, seemingly. ]

So you all teamed upon him? Incredible. Though... pasta eating? I guess that is a sport in itself though. Especially if one worked up such an appetite from running and swimming.

[Now he's hungry, dammit. Granted, Jade's always hungry, so it's not a big concern. He'll just make Azul cook up a good meal for him later.]

Though, may I ask: are either of those friends here with you? Or is it just you? Though forgive me if I am prying too much. I just can't help but want to know more about who I am helping here.

[Maybe he's hitting a sore spot by asking, but Jade's curious at this point. He is also making a mental note of which items seem to fit Alberto well and which do not.
He's pleased that he wasn't too terribly off for the most part.]

Heh, that was my job — Giulia swam, Luca biked, and I ate pasta. Kinda changed in the end, but eh, it's a long story. Anyway— no, it's just me. I don't know anyone from home here. But! Maybe Luca will show up someday, y'know? I mean, you know someone from home, my best friends Asriel and Chara are siblings, I know some other Italian guy and his boss is here too, sooo— Luca's bound to show up someday, right? I can't be the only one forever!

[ Alberto does not seem to mind the prying in the slightest. He's been ready to offer information about himself ever since the truth came out that they're both sea people. That was enough familiarity for him to let his guard down. And really, it's a certain childish charm, it is. He's been so distrusting and cocky and defensive with a large majority of his interactions, hiding the fact that he's a sea monster from everyone but Asriel and Chara, that feeling any kind of parity with someone is a breath of fresh air, and opens him up a lot.

[The trust might arguably be misguided, though Jade also has yet to feel an urge to play a prank on Alberto. Children aren't as satisfying to fool with. And it is refreshing to meet someone like them, someone other than Azul. Even at school, there weren't many of their kind. ]

I would hope so. If he does, make sure to introduce me and Azul. We should... stick together a bit, those like us. And rely on one another as much as need be.

[He stands up and stretches a bit.]

Are there any of those you like the best then? That feels particularly comfortable?

[ That remark draws a warmer, softer, more sincere smile across Alberto's face, locking eyes with the other sea person. ]

Heh— Yeah. We've gotta stick together.

[ He goes ahead and takes an appraising look at the pile of clothes now strewn over his bed after completing his little fashion show, slipping the coat he's wearing off. He holds his hand to his chin thoughtfully, peering over them. But then, quite decisively with a spike in energy again, he points to the few that fit best, including the classic yellow raincoat and sweater. ]

Hmm... These! Oooh, and this, too~

[ He snatches one more up, collecting all the ones he liked in his arms, turning to face Jade with a wide smile again. Kid's easy to please, that much can be said, at least. Novelty is thrilling when almost everything is novel to you, right? ]

[He smiled back in turn, because how charming. It made Jade feel just a bit sincere right now. How unusual.]

Then feel free to keep them all. As I said, we will negotiate an appropriate favor as need be.

[He then goes and grabs the measuring tape he brought with him along with a piece of paper from the notebook he always carries with him.]

Now, if you look at the tags on those items, that should be a good guide to what sizes will fit. But I find taking some measurements helps pinpoint it as well. Each brand is very different.

[It's possibly Alberto wouldn't use any of this information at all, but Jade might as well try anyway.]

Ooh, okay!

[ And unceremoniously, Alberto dumps his armful of goodies back on the bed, just as eager to get measured for some reason. He takes a couple steps closer to Jade, standing facing him him with his back straight and his chest puffed out, and splays his arms and legs out dramatically, very stiff and awkward in his assumed pose. He doesn't know how to be measured, he's just... making his whole self accessible here, okay. Overly enthusiastic about so much. ]

Heh, you know, I've never been measured for human clothes before. When I was a kid, Dad always wove my shorts himself— y'know, out of seaweed... But all my human clothes I've just found myself. Here and back home.

[ Sea monsters wear clothes woven out of seaweed where he's from, by the sounds of it...? And only that, as if it's the only obvious option, the way he says it? It's no wonder all his clothes are "found," considering how poorly they all seem to fit him just judging by his outfit today. If he's working from only having seaweed shorts to now having a wardrobe, of course he's floundering...!

And at the end of the day, he's still just a kid on his own, whether or not he considers himself one — which, apparently he does not, just by that little flick, "when I was a kid..." Like that was so long ago, if he's not. But even at the ripe old age of fourteen, he certainly acts like one. ]

[Jade starts at his neck, first wrapping the tape around it, snug but not uncomfortably tight before writing down a note.]

Ah, really...

We don't wear clothes in the ocean I'm from. Well, most of us don't. Women and girls usually do, but otherwise, I didn't before I came to land. Other than jewelry of course.

[Clothes were still a bit odd at times. Jade hated anything loose and baggy, feeling too much like the fins of some kind of ornamental fish. He preferred more fitted ensembles.

He stepped behind Alberto to measure across his shoulders.]

Well, I suppose you might have lacked the funds to purchase anything on your own. But it shouldn't be so here, correct?

Huh. Men wear shorts and women wear dresses in our ocean— but it all looks the same, it's just seaweed, it's not like... fashion like humans have, heh. All these colors and different styles and materials and stuff. It's a lot. Seems like you're an expert, though...

[ Alberto's weirdly enjoying having his measurements taken, very curious about it now. He's not developed much interest in fashion or human clothes, entirely utilitarian, but not even that, because his clothes aren't season appropriate or even well-fitted and functional... He ties his shorts up with a rope, for crying out loud. It's pretty much to just not be naked and to "blend in." Except for the fact that he only owns one pair of shoes he hardly wears. Ahem. He clearly has a lot more to learn, Jade is way ahead of him in humaning. He's making mental note of that. It's good to know someone like this, decidedly.

He lets out a little sigh unconsciously, eyes drifting up above Jade's head, not thrilled to be talking about his finances. He hates money as a general thing... ]

I don't really have the money to buy more clothes... Even here. I dunno why everything's so expensive. It's stupid. It's even stupider here cuz the money isn't even real Lire like the humans use back home; here it's all in the Everything Machine, it's imaginary! I hate it. Sea monsters don't have money where I'm from. We don't need it — we just trade, y'know, share, cuz we find everything we need in the ocean. So I still just find most my stuff, but— ugh, it's annoying...

[ By "ugh, it's annoying" he means it's annoying when he's gotten caught stealing and had to put things back. He has a very fuzzy line between "stealing" and "finding..." He's been very begrudging to let it go, as a matter of principle, because he thinks it's dumb. Stubborn child. ]

Expert might be a strong word for it. I just try to dress well. I want people to have a certain impression of me.

[It's the most important thing to him, how others see him. It makes it easier for people to ignore him, as he fades into the background, their attention drawn to the showy personalities Jade surrounds himself with. And if he is noticed, then at least the impression should be helpful and gentlemanly.

He nods though at the mention of money.]

It is very pricey, all of it. Back home we use Madol, so the value is a bit confusing. [He tilted his head at the mention of trade.] Really now? In my ocean, we do use money. My Father is a businessman himself, one of some renown and repute.

[Likely of the organized crime sort, but the point still stands.]

But well one must adapt, annoying as such things are. Perhaps we will have to find you some sort of income.

"Businessman..." [ Alberto repeats the word thoughtfully with some dazzlement in his voice, having never heard the term — but it sounds cool and important. He likes it. No clue what it means, but he's keeping it in his back pocket. Maybe he can be a "businessman."

He'd argue that he doesn't care what people think of him, that he doesn't care about money, but... Jade's right. One must adapt. Especially if he really means to keep up this act pretending to be human. He needs to seem good at humaning to humans — better than he's been so far, he's realizing... It's becoming clear this season that he still has a lot to learn. So the man's words kind of temper him, surprisingly. ]

Yeah... Maybe. I do some quests when I can, but— I don't know how to fight, so I can't do half the quests I see on the Everything Machine, and— I really don't want to go to school. I just wanna fish... I know I'm good at that.

[ It's the only time so far when a hint of melancholy traces through his voice, a rare blip of insecurity. He's been having a harder time here than he'd like to admit to himself, it seems. Meeting another sea monster — an older sea monster, who's done this before, who seems to know how to get on in the human world just fine — it's surprisingly profound, and makes it easy to open up to him about all the uncertainty Alberto normally keeps secret from all his other child friends his age whom he's always trying to impress. An unusually genuine moment with this odd little boy, far more transparent than he fancies himself sometimes, for all his secret-keeping. ]

[Well, Jade would tell him that it isn't about being human. Because they're not. They never will be, regardless of what shape they take. And that is perfectly fine. Better even.

But he also knows this world isn't his, where everyone can walk together. Many people here have never seen any intelligent species other than their own. And it sounds like Alberto comes from a similar world.]

Are you afraid you'll look bad when going to school? Is that it?

[Honestly, Alberto probably would have a hard time. Just based on how inexperienced he seems to be. And in some ways, Jade maybe isn't the best person to be dealing with this on any level. Deep down he's a wicked person, not at all that soft or kind-hearted. Only acting the part most of the time.

But he's also feeling kind right now. Possibly because he is taking a liking to this kid.]

But, wanting to fish, I think it's fine to do just that for now. Catching them is quite satisfying. Some of them even put up a fight here.

No, I'm not afraid...!

[ That obviously touches some nerve, casting a derisive look Jade's way for even speaking such words, but he's quick to recover. ]

I just don't need school. I can teach myself everything I wanna know — my dad and I did just fine on our island and I never needed to go to school!

[ Ah. So it's a case of spiteful self-sufficiency and isolated inexperience; he doesn't know how much he doesn't know, because his father taught him everything himself informally, from the sounds of it. On an island — all alone, also from the sound of it? A bit disconcerting, if that's true, but Alberto's fast to protect his pride and explain himself, offering a maybe more reasonable excuse... ]

Besides— who wants to sit still all day reading books...? I'd die of boredom. I wanna go outside and do stuff.

[ What he does know about himself, though, not so much afraid of "looking bad," is that he knows he'll get in trouble at school for not being able to sit still or focus or follow rules — for not "behaving." Even on an isolated island with no one else around, he got in trouble for these things all his life. School just sounds ten times worse? ]

Books are fine, but aha, it's boredom you hate then, is it?

[Oh this one really does remind him so much of Floyd. Without the same penchant for cruelty, but still...

The inability to sit still, the frustration with boredom and the pride, it's so familiar it actually kind of hurts. Even though in many other ways the two couldn't be more different.]

I suppose though if the law says you do not have to go to school, then you do not have to. And I do understand. Sometimes I would much rather be going on a nice hike or messing around in the garden than attending a class. Though I do enjoy being around my classmates when I do...

[He's been taking measurements all this time and is finally finished. Straightening up, he writes a few more notes down. Tips on sizing that might be helpful to Alberto in the future.]

But no, I won't try to cajole you into going to school. You are a free man.

[If they were in school together, that might be a different matter, but Jade's not second in command of a dorm here.]

Well, you're pretty much the first to say that. Everyone here just tells me to go to school when I say I wanna work!

[ He loosens up once he notices Jade writing, inferring he's been thoroughly measured. His vague look of frustration and roll of his eyes softens, adding on a bit of elucidating but bittersweet detail. ]

...Luca is good at that stuff— Luca goes to school with the humans in Genova now... But I? I'm just a hard worker. I wanna be a great employee to someone I like. Or I wanna do whatever I want. That's it. I don't want to be told what to do and made to follow stupid rules and get in trouble for stupid stuff. Sooo— I figure it out on my own and teach myself. I don't need anyone else. Eheh, besides, I'd just rather be out on a hike and swimming and stuff, like, every day, heh.

[ His entire range of experience in life, right there. The kid has spilled his guts at this guy without even realizing he has. He has no clue how much can be extrapolated from all these bits of information he's offered Jade off the cuff today. It's a good thing Jade happened to take some kind of liking to him, really. ]

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