avalononline | [video] - un: pinkmemory

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[video] - un: pinkmemory

[This ought to come as no surprise, really. Aerith spends a decent amount of her free time in the flower shop and usually if she appears on Avalon's network, it's there. That's precisely where she is on today's little impromptu Camelot interruption.

Resting on her forearm against front desk counter, she wears a smile, though it's a bit lighter than she normally gives.]

It's been a while since I said anything on here and I realised I should probably fix that. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Aerith. I run a little flower shop here in the business district of the town. I was in the middle of putting a nice little patio setup outside for people who come by, but it's getting a bit colder, so I think that's going to have to be put on hold until it warms up again.

[Taking a pause to sip from the cup of tea at her side, she sets it down before she continues.]

I know I've said this before, but if any of you have flowers or seeds from your home, for whatever reason that you would, if you bring them to me, I'll try to grow you something. I'm also really interested in trying to crossbreed some flowers, especially from anything that might be capable of surviving the colder weather. If you've already purchased flowers from me and you're having trouble with them, you can pay me a visit any time and I'll fix them up for you.

[After a moment's consideration, she sinks down a bit, shifting to settle her chin in the palm of her hand.]

And you know, with the weather getting colder, it's easy to get sick. Make sure you're taking care of yourselves. I don't normally offer this, but I have some healing magic, so if you find yourself not feeling well, I might be able to help you out there. I'm not a doctor or anything, but I like to think I know marginally what I'm doing. At worst, I can make you a nice pot of tea.

[That seems to be all she has to say because not long after, she turns off her video and audio feed.]

[Private to Tifa - Text]
Hey, can I ask you to do a favour for me?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[...

She's expected this. Aerith doesn't even know where to begin with any of that.]

We aren't. Uhm.
We're not seeing each other anymore.

It would be better for you to take it. Again, it's not for him anyway. You don't have to deliver it, but I'd appreciate it if you did. If you end up not doing so, I'll find another way.

[She has delivery volunteers for a reason, after all.]

No, it's fine. I don't mind. I'll come by the shop and pick it up once I'm done with some shopping.

[That isn't the concern here... She wants to ask "what happened", but she wonders if text message isn't the right way to go about it. So, she'll start off easy.]

Are you okay?

[It's a silly question to be asking, and she figures she knows the answer, but it's more a prompt with the hopes that it will get Aerith to open up a little...

Maybe to the idea of her staying a while when she gets there...]

No rush.

[The question makes her pause, however. Of course she's not. She's not okay at all. Hasn't been okay for a while. Hasn't felt like she can just say that, though. Not when she has others who depend on her. Not when she's so accustomed to playing the role where she takes care of those around her and puts aside her own concerns.

Because what good are—

That is a terrible direction to go down.]

I've been better. [A surprising amount of honesty.] I've also been worse. I'm okay. Not great, but I'm okay.

[Anything less than great is unacceptable in Tifa's books. She's going to cut this shopping trip short... They have enough food to last them a little while longer, and she's already grabbed the essentials, but Aerith takes precedence over milk and eggs.]

I'm heading over now. Think you can close up shop for a while?

[Tifa's question doesn't surprise her at all. She'd love to say she can't, but... she's already been pushing one person out of her life lately. It doesn't seem fair to do it to a second person. Especially considering the reaction she got to it the first time.]

Yeah. I can do that. No one's going to mind if I close for a bit.

[Good, because she would have made Aerith close up for a while anyway.]

Alright, I'll see you soon.

[How Tifa managed to get there so fast is truly a feat, the door of the shop swinging open not even twenty minutes after her last message and bringing in a brush of cold air from outside. She's clutching several bags in her arms, all filled with a wide variety of different foods and spices, as well as a bottle-shaped paper bag between her fingers, the latter being the only thing she doesn't set down on the counters when she wanders in.

When she's in Aerith's line of sight, she holds up the paper bag.]

Hey. Brought something extra. Figured it might help take some of the edge off, if you're up to it. It's my favourite wine.

[Even if she isn't feeling up to it now, they can always save it for later.]

[After Tifa's last text, Aerith sets down her phone and drowns herself in... whatever she can. Anything to distract herself. Ledgers are important, but the ledgers are in the condition they are because a certain Someone is responsible for making them look so nice. She spends about five minutes in the books before she decides that's not going to happen. She'll just have to put the flower shop either in the red or dangerously close to the red.

She settles for inventory stock, adjustment of flowers, turning the heat up a little because now that the weather is getting colder, not all of her plants can stomach that. She even turns the little sign on the door to 'closed' and brings in the sign that's sitting outside. And just to make it a little more apparent, she doesn't hesitate to dim the lights either.

In any other situation, one might think it was romantic.

When Tifa shows herself in, she's updating some of the care cards on her flowers in the room where she controls the humidity and poking her head out, she gives Tifa a look over before she dusts off her hands and more properly emerges. Her gaze drops onto the paper back and raises back up to Tifa.

...Honestly. She could use some of that, whatever it is.]

Hope teacups are fine, unless you brought glasses with you, too. Come on in, sit down, make yourself nice and warm. I just turned up the heat, so it should kick in soon. What's all of this that you brought?

[Tifa humours her question with a smile, peeling the paper bag to reveal a bottle of pink rosé.]

Teacups are fine.

[Honestly, anything would be fine as long as they didn't have to be so undignified that they'd have to drink straight from the bottle, but between the two of them, they're craft enough to have come up with something. Although it belatedly occurs to her that she should have prepared better, having forgotten all about glasses in her rush to be at Aerith's side.

As for the rest of the bags, Tifa pauses a moment to rummage through one of them to pull out a small bag of almonds—a snack for the house, but if Aerith is feeling hungry, then they're there as well.]

Just went out to buy some food. Some ingredients for pasta tonight, and some stew for later. Figured with it getting cold and all, it'd be good to switch things up.

[A change to something more hearty and warm, from the grilled foods and cold cuts of meats and fresh vegetables of the summer.]

[Aerith offers Tifa an appreciative look, if not a bit of an apologetic one, too, before she moves from where she's stationed to where she keeps a supply of teacups, because apparently if she's going to be at the shop for most of the day, she's got to have a way of keeping herself busy (and her hands warm) during downtime.]

I could have met you back home. [She replies thoughtfully before looking over to Tifa.] It's getting cold outside. I don't really want you having to be out there too much if you don't need to be. Here, you came all this way. [Probably shouldn't have asked her to make that delivery to Fran, all things considered. But after a breath, she continues.] We can go home together, at least. That way you're not carrying literally everything.

[She clears off the nearby table that's littered with a variety of odds and ends and moves it to the counter of the front desk, knowing she'll just move it back again likely the next morning. When she finally sits, she leans onto an arm.]

Pasta and stew sound good. Sometimes I get so caught up in what's happening here and what I'm keeping myself busy with that I forget to eat as often as I probably should. But that happens to all of us, I'm sure.

[Tifa's brows knit into a furrow, doubt and worry edging her gaze when she hears those words come from Aerith. It hadn't escaped her notice that she's been keeping herself unusually busy in the recent days, and that Balthier had been coming by less often, but hearing now that she's forgetting to eat... She tears open the bag of almonds and shakes it in Aerith's direction.

How much longer can she humour her before she broaches the subject?]

You need to make sure you're eating, Aerith.

[Although gentle, there's a sternness to it too, born purely out of concern for her friend.

She pauses a moment to pull out her keys, and on the chain is a small swiss army knife that she slides the corkscrew from. Tifa always comes prepared for anything, even a surprise glass of wine with a friend. She pours them both a cup, sliding one back across the table to Aerith, and her eyes linger on her, searching for signs of tiredness, being overworked, and whatever else might have settled into her features.]

Why not take a couple days off? I could watch the shop for you.

I know. It's not intentional. [Aerith lifts her hands, conceding surrender. Tifa has a very valid point and she knows better that to attempt arguing against it.] It just happens on the rare occasion. I'll be more conscientious about it.

[That being said, Aerith seems pretty content to reach for said almonds offered and leisurely nibbles at them. Tifa's gaze is somewhat prying, leaving Aerith feeling very aware. Very seen. It's not a feeling she actually likes, she realises. Attention is not her strong suit and it's a lot easier to... operate on a day-to-day basis when she's not being looked at. She supposes it's also easier to get away with stuff.

There is the hint of a pause at Tifa's offer and she raises her eyebrows.]

That's the last I thing I need. I don't want to take time off.

[What is she going to do if she does? Just wander around the house depressed? Staying at the shop and keeping herself occupied seems like a much better use of her time.]

But you know what I'm always saying. You're welcome here anytime to come in and help. Not that there's really a lot to do. Although the moment I said something on the network, I ended up with a bunch of orders, so it seems like I've got plenty to keep me occupied for at least a week. Probably longer, based on the size of one of these orders.

[Thanks, Darin.]

Alright. [The word comes firm, but spontaneous as she makes the decision then and there.] I can come by this week to help with the orders.

[If only to keep Aerith company while she works, and to make sure that even when she's not at home, that she's taking good care of herself, physically and mentally. Secretive as they both are about the latter, it's a skill that Tifa has picked up working many, many long nights at the bar, when people would come in and she could sense that there was something weighing on their minds. Aerith isn't that much more difficult, but Tifa has always respected her too much to want to pry more than what she was willing to give in return.

Except this time, things are a little different.

Tifa knows how delicate Aerith and Balthier's relationship was, just by the way she spoke of him. Of them. How careful she was with her own feelings much the same way Tifa is with hers, and she worries that all of this has gotten to her more than she's letting on.

Tossing back a small sip of her wine, Tifa pauses a moment to consider how to approach it.]

So... [she starts gently.] Who am I delivering the flowers to?

[Aerith knows that... despite the careful stepping Tifa is doing, eventually many complicated things will come up. She finds herself distinctly more appreciative of that slow and gradual approach. Balthier has been rather pointed about the whole thing, which is something she can understand. But it hasn't been easy to weather his fire.

She settles onto her elbows, trying to formulate how she's going to have that conversation when they get to it. How to word everything. The order in which she should go through things. As if she's trying to plot for every conceivable situation. That's not really possible, but Aerith finds that's how she is on the inside. She wants a plan of action. If she can make one, anyway. For several moments, she indulges in a long drink and even afterwards, she simply rests her lips to the rim of her teacup.

And then she sets it down.]

Her name is Fran. I haven't met her personally, but Balthier has talked about her with me a little bit. She arrived not too long ago and when she did, he came by the shop and I told him I wanted to welcome her with flowers, so I asked for him to describe her.

[There's a pause for several long moments. She never forgets how he spoke of her. Almost as if she was some goddess. Frankly, he seemed enamoured. She chooses not to say as much.]

Based on what he told me, I put together a bouquet that I thought would suit her and he took it back. I told him if she liked her flowers that I'd give her an actual potted plant and that's what this is for.

[Tifa listens, her expression patient while she studies Aerith's, keeping a watchful eye for shifts, an ear for the changes in the inflection of her voice, but she can be so very careful with them sometimes. Although that pause is telling... Of what, she isn't sure, but she's taking a shot in the dark that something might have happened there. The fact that Aerith doesn't go on to talk about what kind of a person he said Fran was gives her something to work with, but she won't spin a story for herself either.]

Someone from home then...

[Well, she's happy for Balthier, at least. Sure, they've all made other friends here, but for Tifa, having a familiar face from home was comforting in its own special way, and the thought makes her smile across the table at Aerith.]

You should go meet her sometime. I bet she'd love to get to know you, too.

[The woman who stole the sky pirate's heart!

When she's ready, of course.

Even if she and Balthier aren't seeing each other any more, this other woman had nothing to do with it, and if she's that special to Balthier, then surely she's a nice enough person?]

I'm sure I will be doing that at some point, yeah. Meant to sooner, just been busy.

[And she's ever so conveniently made sure she'll be busy a good deal of the time going forward. Thanks shameless advertising on a public network.

Aerith fishes for some almonds, popping into her mouth as she considers. Fran is likely nothing short of absolutely charming, based on what Balthier's told her. At the same time, though she excels at being diplomatic and sweet when she needs to be, at this precise moment, it might be a little hard to act so chummy toward someone that she's convinced Balthier is probably in love with.

...But what he feels isn't really any of her business anymore, right? She's the one who ended it. She doesn't get to feel this way or that over it.]

If you see her, you'll have to let me know what you think of her. And like I said, if you change your mind, you really don't have to do the delivery for me. I thought of you first, but that was probably unfair of me. You've got your own things to do, so it's not like you should be doing my stuff, too. And I do have people who work here who I actually pay to do things like that.

[...Of course, she can just pay Tifa if that's important, too.]

[She's doing that thing again. That thing where she backtracks, and it makes Tifa's brows furrow, and all she can do is offer Aerith the most apologetic smile as she raises a hand to stop her from going any further down that road.]

It's fine.

[Offered with such insistence that she hopes that will ease some of her doubts. She wouldn't have agreed if she didn't want to, and there is no universe that exists where Tifa would turn down a favour from Aerith.

With that said, she has a small, sneaking suspicion that Aerith is trying to keep this conversation on a certain track, and while she is more than happy to talk about whatever her friend's heart desires, it only heightens that sense of concern for her.]

If I see her, I'll let you know.

[Why, though? Why would it matter?

Tifa tempers her expression, and she tilts her head, fingers fidgeting with the teacup in her hands. With a sharp sigh, she comes out and says it.]

Aerith. I'm worried about you.

["I'm worried about you."

It's... a very Tifa thing to say and before Aerith can even think about trying to divert her attention elsewhere once more, she finds herself abruptly pausing. She doesn't like causing anyone concern. She's here again, at the same road she was at when she had to attempt warding Balthier off, because she knew concern was going to be a problem. Naturally, it's become one, or it's been one the entire time. She isn't sure which it might be in this case.]

I'm not trying to worry you. I'm sorry. Just trying to... work through stuff. You know how it is.

[Her shoulders relax some and she traces the tip of her forefinger about the rim of her teacup thoughtfully.]

Balthier's mad at me, which he has every right to be. I'm uncomfortable seeing him, so I'm sending you to do a favour for me I'd otherwise be doing. In time, I'm sure everything will be fine. It's just going to weird for a little bit. But whatever's going on between him and me shouldn't affect your relationship with him. You guys were friends, after all. You should still be friends. I want you guys to still be friends.

We will be.

[Tifa is sure that, whatever happened between the two of them, it won't that much of a bearing on her that she won't be able to call him a friend anymore. She hopes, at least, that she can trust that Balthier would never intentionally hurt Aerith, and the same goes the other way around and at the end of the day, this is surely just a misunderstanding on both parts.

She doesn't mean to pry too much, and her voice alludes to as much, but she doesn't think Aerith deserves to suffer all of this alone, stuck in her own thoughts... and if she were to talk about it to anyone, Tifa would like to think it could be her...]

Why would he be mad at you?

[There's no judgement, and Aerith can tell her as much or as little as she wants.]

Well. Why wouldn't he be?

[Aerith tilts her head thoughtfully, for some moments, content just to hold onto her teacup.]

I put him through this song and dance with... us. Made him think and feel and believe that I'd give him a chance and he honestly didn't get much of one before I told him that I just couldn't do it. This was... after you and I talked about it. It became too real for me, too deep, too... intense. Not necessarily how he felt about me, but how I felt about him.

[Worrying at her lower lip for some moments, Aerith thinks before she continues.]

I guess I got scared. But in the end, this is better for both of us. It's what I think is the right thing to do. He probably understands that, but feelings are... feelings. He's allowed to be angry. I'd want him to be. I deserve that. It would be worse if he was understanding.

[She remembers what Aerith had said to her the first night Tifa moved in, when they had talked about finding a happiness that they both deserved. Nodding, Tifa swirls the contents of her cup, watching the lights above ripple in the amber drink, before she sets it down. She had taken those words to heart too, for a while, but had allowed herself to give in, and she had hoped that Aerith wouldn't listen to those doubts echoing in the back of her mind... Tifa can't help but feel a little guilty—how can she sit back and be happy when Aerith wasn't?

She wants to help, if only Aerith would let her...]

Is it, though? You don't seem all that happy about it.

[She's doing the same thing Tifa would do—overworking, hardly eating, focusing on everything but the real issue. She can recognize it a mile away.]

You were happier back then, when he was staying with us.

Never said it had to make me happy. Or him.

[She supposes it's fairly obvious that she's not happy about it at all. Not that she's done much to hide it in Tifa's company. Why should she, after all?

Tifa's observation quiets Aerith for several moments and she finally does offer something of a smile.]

I haven't had feelings for someone aside from Zack. Have... I talked much about him? I don't think so. Just that he was in Soldier, like Cloud. I guess the details don't really matter. The point is that I don't really know what I'm doing, but it's nothing personal. It wouldn't have mattered who it was. I wouldn't have been able to be with them. Yeah, a part of it is because everything here is temporary. But it's more because I'm complicated. Things with me are complicated. And I feel guilty. It's just easier to keep people at a distance.

[Something sparks in Tifa's expression at the name, widened eyes snapping up to stare at Aerith as the mention of Zack dredges up old memories that she had long since buried deep, deep within her and her mind is suddenly racing a thousand thoughts a second. She remembers the reactor, the smell of the mako, the cold steel across her chest, and the heat of the fire on her skin...

For a moment, she feels like she'd stopped breathing, like all the air in her lungs had been sucked out of her, and Tifa drowns it by throwing a large sip back of her wine, draining every last drop in an attempt to drown those memories out.

... ]

You haven't talked about him.

[But it is a very surprising coincidence that she knew him, too... Tifa doesn't want to linger on the topic of Zack though, and steers it away, filling her teacup with more wine first.

What Aerith says doesn't sit quite right with Tifa. She knew she was a Cetra, but... she doesn't think that's so complicated that she can't be happy with someone else?]

What do you mean, it's complicated? Aerith...? Is there something you're not telling me?

[Everything is about this place and their presence in it. It sounds like a poor excuse to her... Still, her voice remains calm despite the small cracks that remain in it while she patiently waits for Aerith to open up, but the lump of dread in her throat is growing with every passing thought. She's always had that feeling—intuition—that there was more to Aerith than she was letting on. More than just being a Cetra, and that was all but confirmed the night they stood in front of that rift in time, when Aerith spoke those eerie words that Tifa was almost convinced weren't her own.]

[Tifa's questions are loaded. Heavy. Enough so that Aerith's courage begins to wither. She doesn't really know how to explain it. Not in a way that anyone else would understand. It's been evident for most of their adventuring that she knows things she shouldn't know. Aerith doesn't play a forefront navigator, but she has an idea about how things will go. And perhaps in her own way, she shapes them.

She can only keep Tifa's eye contact for a bit before it drops.]

I don't know how to talk about this. I didn't want to talk about it with Balthier. Had to, anyway, because of what he... wanted of me. I still don't find it any easier to talk about now and I was hoping I wouldn't have to.

[She can't make Tifa promise her anything, but...]

I don't want to get into the details of it, mostly because I don't know them all. Not immediately. Maybe in time that will change.

[It's one thing to tell Balthier about a future that won't impact him. It's another to tell Tifa. She likely shouldn't be saying any of it. Gradually her gaze lifts again.]

When we go back to Midgar, I won't be able to stay with you and the others. I will for a while, but it won't last. That's all I can tell you about it.

[In the end, it's a very gentle way of putting it. She's doubts it's the right way to say it, but there isn't a right way.]

That doesn't seem like it should bear any responsibility on things here, but... it does. For me, it does. I cherish all of these moments. With you, with everyone else. I don't want them to end. They will anyway and I... just don't want to hurt anymore than I have to.

[Tifa's own gaze drops. She isn't sure what to make of all of that, and while she isn't satisfied with the answer in the least, she isn't about to push Aerith to say more than she's comfortable with. The whole thing leaves a bad taste in Tifa's mouth—how it won't last, how this will end. Aerith doesn't need to say it for Tifa to immediately think the worst, and it takes all she can muster to keep her emotions in check, her expression hardening as she gulps down what's in her cup again.

There's a long, drawn-out silence from her while she tries to piece it all together before she finally exhales with a sigh. Nothing about this conversation is easy, and it was silly of her to have gone in thinking any of this would be simple.]

I don't know what you know back home, but...

[Or maybe she does. Tifa isn't sure what to believe anymore, but she knows one thing for sure—]

Everything we did... All that fighting... We did it to change fate itself. You told us that. Whatever happens now, who's to say what is and isn't supposed to?

[Is it silly to hold out hope for a different kind of future when she has no idea what it is they changed? Maybe, but Tifa doesn't like the idea of a path being set in stone for her—for them, nor does she like that they had to "change fate" at all. So, the idea of going into it all thinking that it's going to be this or that doesn't sit right.

Another sigh, this one softening her features again, before she continues.]

So what does any of that have to do with being here? Or with Balthier?

[Or with her? Is she asking in part for her own reasons? Perhaps. Is it really that silly to go and find happiness when they know that their lives in this place are temporary?]

[Aerith remains quiet for more moments than is likely necessary. She doesn't really know how to put it in any other way than she already has. She doesn't want to hurt more than is actually required. Why does she need to say anything more than that? Almost without a beat of hesitation, she regrets, yet again, trying to have this conversation.

As she stalls for time, she takes a long drink from her cup and it doesn't take much for her to completely empty it.

And finally, she concludes that maybe. Just maybe. She should just be honest.]

Because my feelings for Balthier are more than I thought they would be. They're more than what I was prepared for. I want to be with him. I don't want to go back home. I want to stay with him. That's not going to happen and I know that. The more time I spend with him, the harder it gets because I have to face not only saying goodbye to him plus anyone else I've met here, but because there is no guarantee that I can fix anything back home for the rest of us either. I'm trying to. We all are. But I might be wrong. It might all be for nothing. I can't go in assuming we'll succeed. That's not right and it's not fair and I'm not going to lie and try to convince anyone that everything's going to be okay.

[Aerith shakes her head slowly.]

So I should be satisfied knowing that on top of having to part ways with someone I genuinely want to be with for longer than a week, longer than a year, who knows how long, go home without a fuss whenever that happens, hope that I have the ability to stop a man I have no idea right now how to actually stop, and still possibly end up failing while saying goodbye to you, to Cloud, to everyone. How am I supposed to be okay with that? I keep pretending that it's all fine. That everything is fine. That if I tell myself that enough, I might just one day wake up and believe it. But it isn't fine. If I have to keep pretending, then... then I guess that's what I have to do.

[Tapping her fingertips against her cup, she draws in a long breath and holds it as she pieces herself together.]

There's nothing else I can do.

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