avalononline | [video] - un: pinkmemory

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[video] - un: pinkmemory

[This ought to come as no surprise, really. Aerith spends a decent amount of her free time in the flower shop and usually if she appears on Avalon's network, it's there. That's precisely where she is on today's little impromptu Camelot interruption.

Resting on her forearm against front desk counter, she wears a smile, though it's a bit lighter than she normally gives.]

It's been a while since I said anything on here and I realised I should probably fix that. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Aerith. I run a little flower shop here in the business district of the town. I was in the middle of putting a nice little patio setup outside for people who come by, but it's getting a bit colder, so I think that's going to have to be put on hold until it warms up again.

[Taking a pause to sip from the cup of tea at her side, she sets it down before she continues.]

I know I've said this before, but if any of you have flowers or seeds from your home, for whatever reason that you would, if you bring them to me, I'll try to grow you something. I'm also really interested in trying to crossbreed some flowers, especially from anything that might be capable of surviving the colder weather. If you've already purchased flowers from me and you're having trouble with them, you can pay me a visit any time and I'll fix them up for you.

[After a moment's consideration, she sinks down a bit, shifting to settle her chin in the palm of her hand.]

And you know, with the weather getting colder, it's easy to get sick. Make sure you're taking care of yourselves. I don't normally offer this, but I have some healing magic, so if you find yourself not feeling well, I might be able to help you out there. I'm not a doctor or anything, but I like to think I know marginally what I'm doing. At worst, I can make you a nice pot of tea.

[That seems to be all she has to say because not long after, she turns off her video and audio feed.]

[Private to Tifa - Text]
Hey, can I ask you to do a favour for me?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Alright. [The word comes firm, but spontaneous as she makes the decision then and there.] I can come by this week to help with the orders.

[If only to keep Aerith company while she works, and to make sure that even when she's not at home, that she's taking good care of herself, physically and mentally. Secretive as they both are about the latter, it's a skill that Tifa has picked up working many, many long nights at the bar, when people would come in and she could sense that there was something weighing on their minds. Aerith isn't that much more difficult, but Tifa has always respected her too much to want to pry more than what she was willing to give in return.

Except this time, things are a little different.

Tifa knows how delicate Aerith and Balthier's relationship was, just by the way she spoke of him. Of them. How careful she was with her own feelings much the same way Tifa is with hers, and she worries that all of this has gotten to her more than she's letting on.

Tossing back a small sip of her wine, Tifa pauses a moment to consider how to approach it.]

So... [she starts gently.] Who am I delivering the flowers to?

[Aerith knows that... despite the careful stepping Tifa is doing, eventually many complicated things will come up. She finds herself distinctly more appreciative of that slow and gradual approach. Balthier has been rather pointed about the whole thing, which is something she can understand. But it hasn't been easy to weather his fire.

She settles onto her elbows, trying to formulate how she's going to have that conversation when they get to it. How to word everything. The order in which she should go through things. As if she's trying to plot for every conceivable situation. That's not really possible, but Aerith finds that's how she is on the inside. She wants a plan of action. If she can make one, anyway. For several moments, she indulges in a long drink and even afterwards, she simply rests her lips to the rim of her teacup.

And then she sets it down.]

Her name is Fran. I haven't met her personally, but Balthier has talked about her with me a little bit. She arrived not too long ago and when she did, he came by the shop and I told him I wanted to welcome her with flowers, so I asked for him to describe her.

[There's a pause for several long moments. She never forgets how he spoke of her. Almost as if she was some goddess. Frankly, he seemed enamoured. She chooses not to say as much.]

Based on what he told me, I put together a bouquet that I thought would suit her and he took it back. I told him if she liked her flowers that I'd give her an actual potted plant and that's what this is for.

[Tifa listens, her expression patient while she studies Aerith's, keeping a watchful eye for shifts, an ear for the changes in the inflection of her voice, but she can be so very careful with them sometimes. Although that pause is telling... Of what, she isn't sure, but she's taking a shot in the dark that something might have happened there. The fact that Aerith doesn't go on to talk about what kind of a person he said Fran was gives her something to work with, but she won't spin a story for herself either.]

Someone from home then...

[Well, she's happy for Balthier, at least. Sure, they've all made other friends here, but for Tifa, having a familiar face from home was comforting in its own special way, and the thought makes her smile across the table at Aerith.]

You should go meet her sometime. I bet she'd love to get to know you, too.

[The woman who stole the sky pirate's heart!

When she's ready, of course.

Even if she and Balthier aren't seeing each other any more, this other woman had nothing to do with it, and if she's that special to Balthier, then surely she's a nice enough person?]

I'm sure I will be doing that at some point, yeah. Meant to sooner, just been busy.

[And she's ever so conveniently made sure she'll be busy a good deal of the time going forward. Thanks shameless advertising on a public network.

Aerith fishes for some almonds, popping into her mouth as she considers. Fran is likely nothing short of absolutely charming, based on what Balthier's told her. At the same time, though she excels at being diplomatic and sweet when she needs to be, at this precise moment, it might be a little hard to act so chummy toward someone that she's convinced Balthier is probably in love with.

...But what he feels isn't really any of her business anymore, right? She's the one who ended it. She doesn't get to feel this way or that over it.]

If you see her, you'll have to let me know what you think of her. And like I said, if you change your mind, you really don't have to do the delivery for me. I thought of you first, but that was probably unfair of me. You've got your own things to do, so it's not like you should be doing my stuff, too. And I do have people who work here who I actually pay to do things like that.

[...Of course, she can just pay Tifa if that's important, too.]

[She's doing that thing again. That thing where she backtracks, and it makes Tifa's brows furrow, and all she can do is offer Aerith the most apologetic smile as she raises a hand to stop her from going any further down that road.]

It's fine.

[Offered with such insistence that she hopes that will ease some of her doubts. She wouldn't have agreed if she didn't want to, and there is no universe that exists where Tifa would turn down a favour from Aerith.

With that said, she has a small, sneaking suspicion that Aerith is trying to keep this conversation on a certain track, and while she is more than happy to talk about whatever her friend's heart desires, it only heightens that sense of concern for her.]

If I see her, I'll let you know.

[Why, though? Why would it matter?

Tifa tempers her expression, and she tilts her head, fingers fidgeting with the teacup in her hands. With a sharp sigh, she comes out and says it.]

Aerith. I'm worried about you.

["I'm worried about you."

It's... a very Tifa thing to say and before Aerith can even think about trying to divert her attention elsewhere once more, she finds herself abruptly pausing. She doesn't like causing anyone concern. She's here again, at the same road she was at when she had to attempt warding Balthier off, because she knew concern was going to be a problem. Naturally, it's become one, or it's been one the entire time. She isn't sure which it might be in this case.]

I'm not trying to worry you. I'm sorry. Just trying to... work through stuff. You know how it is.

[Her shoulders relax some and she traces the tip of her forefinger about the rim of her teacup thoughtfully.]

Balthier's mad at me, which he has every right to be. I'm uncomfortable seeing him, so I'm sending you to do a favour for me I'd otherwise be doing. In time, I'm sure everything will be fine. It's just going to weird for a little bit. But whatever's going on between him and me shouldn't affect your relationship with him. You guys were friends, after all. You should still be friends. I want you guys to still be friends.

We will be.

[Tifa is sure that, whatever happened between the two of them, it won't that much of a bearing on her that she won't be able to call him a friend anymore. She hopes, at least, that she can trust that Balthier would never intentionally hurt Aerith, and the same goes the other way around and at the end of the day, this is surely just a misunderstanding on both parts.

She doesn't mean to pry too much, and her voice alludes to as much, but she doesn't think Aerith deserves to suffer all of this alone, stuck in her own thoughts... and if she were to talk about it to anyone, Tifa would like to think it could be her...]

Why would he be mad at you?

[There's no judgement, and Aerith can tell her as much or as little as she wants.]

Well. Why wouldn't he be?

[Aerith tilts her head thoughtfully, for some moments, content just to hold onto her teacup.]

I put him through this song and dance with... us. Made him think and feel and believe that I'd give him a chance and he honestly didn't get much of one before I told him that I just couldn't do it. This was... after you and I talked about it. It became too real for me, too deep, too... intense. Not necessarily how he felt about me, but how I felt about him.

[Worrying at her lower lip for some moments, Aerith thinks before she continues.]

I guess I got scared. But in the end, this is better for both of us. It's what I think is the right thing to do. He probably understands that, but feelings are... feelings. He's allowed to be angry. I'd want him to be. I deserve that. It would be worse if he was understanding.

[She remembers what Aerith had said to her the first night Tifa moved in, when they had talked about finding a happiness that they both deserved. Nodding, Tifa swirls the contents of her cup, watching the lights above ripple in the amber drink, before she sets it down. She had taken those words to heart too, for a while, but had allowed herself to give in, and she had hoped that Aerith wouldn't listen to those doubts echoing in the back of her mind... Tifa can't help but feel a little guilty—how can she sit back and be happy when Aerith wasn't?

She wants to help, if only Aerith would let her...]

Is it, though? You don't seem all that happy about it.

[She's doing the same thing Tifa would do—overworking, hardly eating, focusing on everything but the real issue. She can recognize it a mile away.]

You were happier back then, when he was staying with us.

Never said it had to make me happy. Or him.

[She supposes it's fairly obvious that she's not happy about it at all. Not that she's done much to hide it in Tifa's company. Why should she, after all?

Tifa's observation quiets Aerith for several moments and she finally does offer something of a smile.]

I haven't had feelings for someone aside from Zack. Have... I talked much about him? I don't think so. Just that he was in Soldier, like Cloud. I guess the details don't really matter. The point is that I don't really know what I'm doing, but it's nothing personal. It wouldn't have mattered who it was. I wouldn't have been able to be with them. Yeah, a part of it is because everything here is temporary. But it's more because I'm complicated. Things with me are complicated. And I feel guilty. It's just easier to keep people at a distance.

[Something sparks in Tifa's expression at the name, widened eyes snapping up to stare at Aerith as the mention of Zack dredges up old memories that she had long since buried deep, deep within her and her mind is suddenly racing a thousand thoughts a second. She remembers the reactor, the smell of the mako, the cold steel across her chest, and the heat of the fire on her skin...

For a moment, she feels like she'd stopped breathing, like all the air in her lungs had been sucked out of her, and Tifa drowns it by throwing a large sip back of her wine, draining every last drop in an attempt to drown those memories out.

... ]

You haven't talked about him.

[But it is a very surprising coincidence that she knew him, too... Tifa doesn't want to linger on the topic of Zack though, and steers it away, filling her teacup with more wine first.

What Aerith says doesn't sit quite right with Tifa. She knew she was a Cetra, but... she doesn't think that's so complicated that she can't be happy with someone else?]

What do you mean, it's complicated? Aerith...? Is there something you're not telling me?

[Everything is about this place and their presence in it. It sounds like a poor excuse to her... Still, her voice remains calm despite the small cracks that remain in it while she patiently waits for Aerith to open up, but the lump of dread in her throat is growing with every passing thought. She's always had that feeling—intuition—that there was more to Aerith than she was letting on. More than just being a Cetra, and that was all but confirmed the night they stood in front of that rift in time, when Aerith spoke those eerie words that Tifa was almost convinced weren't her own.]

[Tifa's questions are loaded. Heavy. Enough so that Aerith's courage begins to wither. She doesn't really know how to explain it. Not in a way that anyone else would understand. It's been evident for most of their adventuring that she knows things she shouldn't know. Aerith doesn't play a forefront navigator, but she has an idea about how things will go. And perhaps in her own way, she shapes them.

She can only keep Tifa's eye contact for a bit before it drops.]

I don't know how to talk about this. I didn't want to talk about it with Balthier. Had to, anyway, because of what he... wanted of me. I still don't find it any easier to talk about now and I was hoping I wouldn't have to.

[She can't make Tifa promise her anything, but...]

I don't want to get into the details of it, mostly because I don't know them all. Not immediately. Maybe in time that will change.

[It's one thing to tell Balthier about a future that won't impact him. It's another to tell Tifa. She likely shouldn't be saying any of it. Gradually her gaze lifts again.]

When we go back to Midgar, I won't be able to stay with you and the others. I will for a while, but it won't last. That's all I can tell you about it.

[In the end, it's a very gentle way of putting it. She's doubts it's the right way to say it, but there isn't a right way.]

That doesn't seem like it should bear any responsibility on things here, but... it does. For me, it does. I cherish all of these moments. With you, with everyone else. I don't want them to end. They will anyway and I... just don't want to hurt anymore than I have to.

[Tifa's own gaze drops. She isn't sure what to make of all of that, and while she isn't satisfied with the answer in the least, she isn't about to push Aerith to say more than she's comfortable with. The whole thing leaves a bad taste in Tifa's mouth—how it won't last, how this will end. Aerith doesn't need to say it for Tifa to immediately think the worst, and it takes all she can muster to keep her emotions in check, her expression hardening as she gulps down what's in her cup again.

There's a long, drawn-out silence from her while she tries to piece it all together before she finally exhales with a sigh. Nothing about this conversation is easy, and it was silly of her to have gone in thinking any of this would be simple.]

I don't know what you know back home, but...

[Or maybe she does. Tifa isn't sure what to believe anymore, but she knows one thing for sure—]

Everything we did... All that fighting... We did it to change fate itself. You told us that. Whatever happens now, who's to say what is and isn't supposed to?

[Is it silly to hold out hope for a different kind of future when she has no idea what it is they changed? Maybe, but Tifa doesn't like the idea of a path being set in stone for her—for them, nor does she like that they had to "change fate" at all. So, the idea of going into it all thinking that it's going to be this or that doesn't sit right.

Another sigh, this one softening her features again, before she continues.]

So what does any of that have to do with being here? Or with Balthier?

[Or with her? Is she asking in part for her own reasons? Perhaps. Is it really that silly to go and find happiness when they know that their lives in this place are temporary?]

[Aerith remains quiet for more moments than is likely necessary. She doesn't really know how to put it in any other way than she already has. She doesn't want to hurt more than is actually required. Why does she need to say anything more than that? Almost without a beat of hesitation, she regrets, yet again, trying to have this conversation.

As she stalls for time, she takes a long drink from her cup and it doesn't take much for her to completely empty it.

And finally, she concludes that maybe. Just maybe. She should just be honest.]

Because my feelings for Balthier are more than I thought they would be. They're more than what I was prepared for. I want to be with him. I don't want to go back home. I want to stay with him. That's not going to happen and I know that. The more time I spend with him, the harder it gets because I have to face not only saying goodbye to him plus anyone else I've met here, but because there is no guarantee that I can fix anything back home for the rest of us either. I'm trying to. We all are. But I might be wrong. It might all be for nothing. I can't go in assuming we'll succeed. That's not right and it's not fair and I'm not going to lie and try to convince anyone that everything's going to be okay.

[Aerith shakes her head slowly.]

So I should be satisfied knowing that on top of having to part ways with someone I genuinely want to be with for longer than a week, longer than a year, who knows how long, go home without a fuss whenever that happens, hope that I have the ability to stop a man I have no idea right now how to actually stop, and still possibly end up failing while saying goodbye to you, to Cloud, to everyone. How am I supposed to be okay with that? I keep pretending that it's all fine. That everything is fine. That if I tell myself that enough, I might just one day wake up and believe it. But it isn't fine. If I have to keep pretending, then... then I guess that's what I have to do.

[Tapping her fingertips against her cup, she draws in a long breath and holds it as she pieces herself together.]

There's nothing else I can do.

[There is so much that Tifa wishes she could say to that. So much that she wishes she could reassure Aerith of, if she truly, unconditionally believed in the reassurance she would be offering, but the longer she goes, the less she's starting to believe in them. She remembers how Nanaki had said he was from far in the future, and how most of them were together, but that was all Tifa had wanted to know. How they were able to defeat the Whispers and shift the hand of fate, and how they were out to hunt for Sephiroth now that they had, with Cloud, Barret, and Nanaki at their sides.

And how, no matter how temporary this fixture in their lives is, they should still take happiness when they can find it, because who knows what will happen tomorrow, or the next day, and especially when they return to Gaia to finish their fight. Tifa had just, only days ago, thought about this herself, when she laid next to the man she had opened her heart up to, remembering Aerith's words from before, and then her own...

Taking another deep, steadying breath, Tifa folds her arms over her chest, almost defensively now.]

You know, I thought about all that too. We'll have to say goodbye to this place someday. Could be tomorrow, or next year... but then...

[A smile tugs at her lips, and her eyes flick away from Aerith to stare at some roses on a nearby shelf.]

It's not like we'll remember this all when we go back, but I realized that I might just regret not doing all the things I wanted to before then. I'd regret them more if I didn't. [She shakes her head.] ... I don't know.

[That's the part that she's been afraid to face since she got here, knowing that the Tifa back on Gaia had no idea she had left and come back, and how the Tifa here now can't—for the life of her—recall the ones from a life here before.]

It isn't fine, I know... but... is it any better to sit and wait to go back?

[The way she looks at Aerith is imploring, searching for her own answers within her now, and hoping that she understands where Tifa is coming from, but it breaks down rather quickly.]

... I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm saying.

[Aerith follows along right up to a point.

"It's not like we'll remember this all when we go back..."

For several long moments she simply stares across the table. Why... why has that never occurred to her? Why has it never dawned on her that she'd not remember a thing that happens here? The words are so simple, but the impact they strike Aerith with has all the force of something knocking the very breath out of her. She's not sure how it's even possible, but she feels worse.

...

As she's trying to figure out what to say, if she can even say anything, she settles for just gently pushing her cup aside and crumples right down against the table, burying her face into her arms.

So what then? Is there a point? She always does this thing where she puts on a brave face for other people because those around her rely on that. How could she let that break? How could she let herself turn into whatever is happening right this moment? Why can't she just turn back time and act like she never said anything to begin with? How does she move forward? Can she move forward?

Maybe she does go right back to pretending that she's fine.

In all of this, playing it all back, it's just childish. She is childish. She knows better. She should be better. She has to force herself to be better. She doesn't get to just stop because she feels like she's taken as much as she can.

Just grin and bear it, Aerith.]

No. Don't apologise. [She murmurs against her arm before she pushes herself right back up and sweeps her hair back from her face.]

You're right, after all. You sound just like him. If you're both saying it, then I've been looking at it wrong the entire time.

[It's the right thing to say, but Aerith isn't convinced at all.]

[Whether Tifa can tell that Aerith is only placating her with those words without fully believing them, she doesn't say as much, only staring into her own cup through it all. She doesn't want to start doubting all of the choices she's decided to make here, and she doesn't want Aerith to do the same. Regardless of how long they'll be stuck in Camelot, they still have lives they need to live. Days they need to get through.

But then there's Aerith's voice ringing in the back of her head again, reminding her of everything they still have yet to fight for back home.

Finally, after another few beats of heavy silence, Tifa slumps against the back of her chair.]

Don't know about you, but I've got plenty of fight left in me. I don't know what'll happen when we go back, but... at least we know that we can choose our own paths now.

[~~Somewhere in Camelot, Sephiroth is probably laughing at that right now.~~

Tifa fixes her with a sharp, studying look before forcing her gaze away again, not wanting to put Aerith on the spot anymore than she already has.]

Anyway.

[She's taken this completely off track. Time to put it back on its rails. And she really doesn't want to dive deeper into everything she's just said.]

You've told him all this, right?

[Of course she does. Tifa always seems to have fight in her. Where does that strength come from? Sometimes standing next to her, Aerith doesn't feel half as strong. How strong can she be if she's going out of her way to avoid the things that cause her some kind of strong discomfort? There's nothing courageous about that.

Settling back onto her arms, Aerith simply sits on Tifa's question.]

Mmmmmmmno.

[She finally manages to answer. That's not the right thing to say, but at least she can still look at it from a decidedly Aerith perspective. Still trying to insert levity or something clever where it doesn't need to be. Defence mechanisms. That's all they are.]

Not everything. He knows a little about home. He knows a little about me. I didn't talk to him about my feelings. When Fran showed up, it seemed like a better opportunity to busy him with helping her, so I could distance us without him realising it and have some time to think about what to say. If I was going to say anything at all.

[After a moment's consideration, she continues.] I probably wasn't going to say anything more. I wasn't planning to. Saying it just makes it more real. Besides, I don't know how he feels. I don't want to ask. I'm not sure I want to know. But if I say anything, it's like I'm impressing expectations on him.

"Run away and be with me, Balthier!" [Aerith utters out a laugh.] It sounds silly. That wouldn't go over well for anyone involved.

[It still draws a laugh, although a heavy one, from Tifa.]

You know, if you said that, he might. Just get that airship of his up and running.

[For all the frustrating things about this conversation, she still appreciates that Aerith can lift it back up so easily. She knows that those are just her walls going back up—a defence mechanism to protect her feelings, but Tifa falls back into it with her.

Although she doesn't doubt that if Aerith said that, Balthier would absolutely get up and take her somewhere. Maybe not run away because where would they even go, but the thought of it is a bit romantic, and he had always crossed Tifa as such.

But her laughter dies down into a sigh when she realizes that she'll have to be frank just a little longer.]

You should anyway... talk to him. At least explain to him how you're feeling, so he's not so left in the dark. If you need to stay away after that, then fine, but...

[Balthier is Tifa's friend too, and she cares about his well-being just as much as the next person, and poor guy is likely beating himself up over what he could have done to her.]

He at least deserves to know, you know? [And, if it's any consolation at all:] I felt better after I finally said something...

[Aerith assumes that... Tifa has to be teasing about all of that. Although she supposes it's a distinct possibility at the very least. That humour as necessary as it is, doesn't last nearly as long as it probably should. Tifa offers more of those weighted words, the kind that Aerith can't even completely turn away or ignore. Because she's right. Of course she's right. She's been right for most of the conversation even without knowing the details.

And again, there's something that doesn't sit right with Aerith whilst trying to divulge what she suspects is future information. One thing to tell someone who's not of their world. Another to try to adjust time for other people. If one believes in such concepts, anyway. Aerith isn't always sure what she believes, but there's a strong contender for fate and fighting against it.

She has a thought to address the thing with her and Balthier further, but the tail end of Tifa's explanation on why it wouldn't hurt Aerith to be a little more considerate, whips most of that preexisting conversation out the nearest proverbial window.

...

She hasn't been a particularly good friend, has she? A lot of things have gone on, which is really just an excuse, but aside from making sure Tifa's healthy and safe, has a place to stay, feels welcome, Aerith hasn't prodded into her personal life. But Tifa... also hasn't acted particularly out of sorts. At least she doesn't think so.

Has she exhibited any suspicious behaviour? Aerith frowns heavily, realising she can't think of any off the top of her head.]

Said something. To who? Here?? When? Recently?

[It's taking everything in her not to ask how she's only hearing about this now, realising that's incredibly unfair. Aerith likely didn't have any plans of ever talking about Balthier and deliberately tried to keep it under wraps. She doesn't get to act like she should hear about Tifa's affairs.]

[Aerith hadn't noticed not because she is or isn't a good friend, but because Tifa has been working meticulously to keep things under wraps for as long as there ever was anything. More so now that she was staying with Aerith, but even before that, she never spoke of Eustace or Cloud, or what had been going on there. It was never something that mattered much until recently, nor did it ever come up, and even now... It's still hard for Tifa to put a name to any of the hundreds of things she's been feeling about it all, and she'd rather not get into the details until she was sure...

But if there's something in it that could help to inspire Aerith to do the right thing with Balthier, even if it was just talking to him, then perhaps she could make a small exception to not be so secretive about her feelings.]

I just meant that... you'll feel better without all that weighing down on you. I know it's hard, but... he'll feel better, too. And if you need some space, at least then he'll understand why.

[And Tifa realizes then, as her voice falls away, that this was never really about her blossoming relationship with Eustace... She hadn't been talking about him. He was never part of the problem, but the one who helped piece her back together when it had left her heart tattered and bruised. And that, in all of this, she is sitting in the same seat that Balthier has been in. Maybe that's why she feels so passionately about this...

Her expression drops, and all that's left is sadness that she tries to hide behind a laugh.]

... Give him some peace of mind, you know? [ ... ] Just... please, talk to him.

[For all that Tifa says, she doesn't actually answer and Aerith can't bring herself to pry. Curious, yes. But when it comes to pressing peoples' buttons, Tifa is not someone she wants to do that with and she suspects that's likely the nature of their relationship. It's not that Aerith is afraid to. It's that she understands that not all approaches work the same on all people. Tifa is special.

Putting the nature of Tifa's personal life aside, there's more truth in her words, heavily weighted though they are. She sucks the levity right out of her flower girl companion. Aerith looses a sigh, once more feeling worn down by the reality of the situation. She's been carrying the weight of this for quite some time, even before ever coming to Camelot. Maybe she should try to be a little kinder to herself.

And to Balthier.]

...I'll... think about it.

[Which is Aerith's way of saying she will do it. Eventually. She doesn't know when, but it'll happen at some point, in some fashion, and probably happen in entirely the wrong way. But there's nothing about her relationship with Balthier that she hasn't handled wrong, so she expects she'll only continue to do it wrong.]

Sorry. I didn't mean to get you involved with any of this. I keep doing and saying selfish things. To Balthier. To you. Probably to others without even realising it. And all I do is apologise instead of taking responsibility for it. Or maybe I'm trying to take too much responsibility. I got here because I refused to ask for help. Everything happened the way it did because I didn't want to say anything.

[But when she sees Tifa the way she does, Aerith can't help thinking she's only made things worse. Much in the way that Balthier's reactions have only reinforced that the best Aerith is the one who's smiling on the outside, regardless of however she might truly be feeling. She doesn't know how to make it back to that convincingly.]

Don't worry about it, okay? I'll handle it.

[She will worry about it. That's just what Tifa does. It's as natural to her as breathing. Aerith is special to her too, and she doesn't want her to be here, allowing herself to simmer in these sorts of thoughts where she thinks she doesn't deserve to be happy because of one reason or another that she's convinced herself of. She wants Aerith to be happy, whether it's here or somewhere else, with Balthier or someone else, and even with the threat of their return to Gaia looming over everyone's heads, she wants to help her put that aside for now. Tifa wants to put it aside for now...

And who better to do that than the people they've been able to open their hearts up to? And each other?

Tifa shifts, just far enough so that she can reach across and wrap her fingers around Aerith's wrist in a reassuring hold. It's obvious she's touched a few very sore spots today, but in the end, she wants her to know that she's only done this because she cares so passionately about Aerith. Out of all the people in Camelot, or from home, she's the one who's stuck by her through it all, and Tifa intends to return the favour in full, which is why she gives a firm shake of her head.]

No, don't be sorry. You're not selfish.

[She never said Aerith was, but she gets it. They all do things to protect themselves from time to time.]

You can talk to me too, you know. About anything, if you ever need to, okay? Or we don't even have to talk at all, if all you need is someone.

[They could just sit and watch movies together, just the two of them, or they can go out and do something fun. It doesn't matter. Tifa's there.]

I just don't like seeing you like this, so let me help.

[For several long moments, several breaths, probably way more than it appropriately feels like, Aerith says nothing. Instead, as she takes in each kind thing Tifa has to say, her heart just increasingly lodges right into her throat. She isn't sure how much she believes in the reassurance.

She's not selfish? No. She's pretty sure she's been selfish all along. Isn't it, on some level, selfish to protect one's self? The intentions behind it are meant to be good, but all it really does is imply that she thinks her opinions are the most important ones to follow. In the process of protecting herself, all she does is disregard how Tifa might feel about her. How Balthier undeniably does feel about her. She pushes and pushes and pushes, builds this massive wall, and tries to keep everyone out. What is that if not selfish? Protecting herself is just an excuse to do it. It all comes down to responsibility.

"...we don't even have to talk at all, if all you need is someone."

What a concept. Aerith has needed someone for so many years of her life that simply thinking about it makes her ache. She's thought it once or twice before since her arrival, but even being in the flower shop, surrounded by the things she loves so dearly, making the number of acquaintances she has, there's still something in it all that has left her feeling remarkably lonely. It has little to do with companionship. It's more empathy and emotional support, things that, like happiness, Aerith has repeatedly denied herself. Not sharing herself, her situations, the things that burden her, have left her a self-made island and in some ways, an outcast of her own volition. Perhaps for the betterment of others, but for her, heartbreaking in many ways.

Tifa's words settle deep within her and she feels like crying all over again. For just some moments, she scrapes her teeth over her bottom lip and simply holds it, as if it's a last resort in just holding herself together. Crying isn't going to solve anything, after all. She's done enough of it in her personal time and it's accomplished absolutely nothing.]

Isn't that what you're doing now. [She finally manages to begin, ignoring the subtle waver in her voice.] You dropped everything just to come see me and sit with me. To make me stop working, so I stop trying to avoid everything or cover it up. Being my strength when I feel like I have none, even though I know that I do. If you weren't here—

[Gods, if she wasn't here... Aerith would be a mess. Just the mere notion chokes her up abruptly. No matter how much she might care about Balthier, he is no Tifa and what she has with her is undeniably unique and special.]

—Jeez. You are here. That's what matters. Thank you for still being here.

I always will be.

[She hears that quiver in Aerith's voice, and it brings out one in her own, Tifa holding back her own tears at seeing her friend begin to unravel like this. She hadn't intended for the conversation to take a turn like this, but maybe, deep down, this was something that they both need to say and hear more often than not, because no matter who has come and gone from Tifa's life here, and who will continue to, she's had Aerith through it all. Even if she might disappear tomorrow, or Tifa, it's memories like this one that will keep her going.

If her smile could grow any warmer, it does, and then she's rising from her chair to wrap her arms around Aerith in a hug—a lingering hold that says every word she doesn't know how to say. She'll always be there for her and have her back, no matter what, and will be there to give her a nudge or a kick in the right direction should she ever need it.

A lot had been said today, even if Aerith had never voiced it—things that will sit with Tifa until they become distant, forgotten memories. She wonders what they could all mean—about how Aerith's time is much more limited than she believes it to be, but for now, Tifa is going to choose to believe that they have the power to change things, and that fate isn't something that the Planet has already decided for them.

She has no other choice but to believe in that.

There's a sniffle near Aerith's ear, and as Tifa pulls back, she quickly runs a hand over her cheeks.]

Need a top-up on that drink?

[video] - un: pinkmemory

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