avalononline | [video] - un: pinkmemory

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[video] - un: pinkmemory

[This ought to come as no surprise, really. Aerith spends a decent amount of her free time in the flower shop and usually if she appears on Avalon's network, it's there. That's precisely where she is on today's little impromptu Camelot interruption.

Resting on her forearm against front desk counter, she wears a smile, though it's a bit lighter than she normally gives.]

It's been a while since I said anything on here and I realised I should probably fix that. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Aerith. I run a little flower shop here in the business district of the town. I was in the middle of putting a nice little patio setup outside for people who come by, but it's getting a bit colder, so I think that's going to have to be put on hold until it warms up again.

[Taking a pause to sip from the cup of tea at her side, she sets it down before she continues.]

I know I've said this before, but if any of you have flowers or seeds from your home, for whatever reason that you would, if you bring them to me, I'll try to grow you something. I'm also really interested in trying to crossbreed some flowers, especially from anything that might be capable of surviving the colder weather. If you've already purchased flowers from me and you're having trouble with them, you can pay me a visit any time and I'll fix them up for you.

[After a moment's consideration, she sinks down a bit, shifting to settle her chin in the palm of her hand.]

And you know, with the weather getting colder, it's easy to get sick. Make sure you're taking care of yourselves. I don't normally offer this, but I have some healing magic, so if you find yourself not feeling well, I might be able to help you out there. I'm not a doctor or anything, but I like to think I know marginally what I'm doing. At worst, I can make you a nice pot of tea.

[That seems to be all she has to say because not long after, she turns off her video and audio feed.]

[Private to Tifa - Text]
Hey, can I ask you to do a favour for me?

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[It still draws a laugh, although a heavy one, from Tifa.]

You know, if you said that, he might. Just get that airship of his up and running.

[For all the frustrating things about this conversation, she still appreciates that Aerith can lift it back up so easily. She knows that those are just her walls going back up—a defence mechanism to protect her feelings, but Tifa falls back into it with her.

Although she doesn't doubt that if Aerith said that, Balthier would absolutely get up and take her somewhere. Maybe not run away because where would they even go, but the thought of it is a bit romantic, and he had always crossed Tifa as such.

But her laughter dies down into a sigh when she realizes that she'll have to be frank just a little longer.]

You should anyway... talk to him. At least explain to him how you're feeling, so he's not so left in the dark. If you need to stay away after that, then fine, but...

[Balthier is Tifa's friend too, and she cares about his well-being just as much as the next person, and poor guy is likely beating himself up over what he could have done to her.]

He at least deserves to know, you know? [And, if it's any consolation at all:] I felt better after I finally said something...

[Aerith assumes that... Tifa has to be teasing about all of that. Although she supposes it's a distinct possibility at the very least. That humour as necessary as it is, doesn't last nearly as long as it probably should. Tifa offers more of those weighted words, the kind that Aerith can't even completely turn away or ignore. Because she's right. Of course she's right. She's been right for most of the conversation even without knowing the details.

And again, there's something that doesn't sit right with Aerith whilst trying to divulge what she suspects is future information. One thing to tell someone who's not of their world. Another to try to adjust time for other people. If one believes in such concepts, anyway. Aerith isn't always sure what she believes, but there's a strong contender for fate and fighting against it.

She has a thought to address the thing with her and Balthier further, but the tail end of Tifa's explanation on why it wouldn't hurt Aerith to be a little more considerate, whips most of that preexisting conversation out the nearest proverbial window.

...

She hasn't been a particularly good friend, has she? A lot of things have gone on, which is really just an excuse, but aside from making sure Tifa's healthy and safe, has a place to stay, feels welcome, Aerith hasn't prodded into her personal life. But Tifa... also hasn't acted particularly out of sorts. At least she doesn't think so.

Has she exhibited any suspicious behaviour? Aerith frowns heavily, realising she can't think of any off the top of her head.]

Said something. To who? Here?? When? Recently?

[It's taking everything in her not to ask how she's only hearing about this now, realising that's incredibly unfair. Aerith likely didn't have any plans of ever talking about Balthier and deliberately tried to keep it under wraps. She doesn't get to act like she should hear about Tifa's affairs.]

[Aerith hadn't noticed not because she is or isn't a good friend, but because Tifa has been working meticulously to keep things under wraps for as long as there ever was anything. More so now that she was staying with Aerith, but even before that, she never spoke of Eustace or Cloud, or what had been going on there. It was never something that mattered much until recently, nor did it ever come up, and even now... It's still hard for Tifa to put a name to any of the hundreds of things she's been feeling about it all, and she'd rather not get into the details until she was sure...

But if there's something in it that could help to inspire Aerith to do the right thing with Balthier, even if it was just talking to him, then perhaps she could make a small exception to not be so secretive about her feelings.]

I just meant that... you'll feel better without all that weighing down on you. I know it's hard, but... he'll feel better, too. And if you need some space, at least then he'll understand why.

[And Tifa realizes then, as her voice falls away, that this was never really about her blossoming relationship with Eustace... She hadn't been talking about him. He was never part of the problem, but the one who helped piece her back together when it had left her heart tattered and bruised. And that, in all of this, she is sitting in the same seat that Balthier has been in. Maybe that's why she feels so passionately about this...

Her expression drops, and all that's left is sadness that she tries to hide behind a laugh.]

... Give him some peace of mind, you know? [ ... ] Just... please, talk to him.

[For all that Tifa says, she doesn't actually answer and Aerith can't bring herself to pry. Curious, yes. But when it comes to pressing peoples' buttons, Tifa is not someone she wants to do that with and she suspects that's likely the nature of their relationship. It's not that Aerith is afraid to. It's that she understands that not all approaches work the same on all people. Tifa is special.

Putting the nature of Tifa's personal life aside, there's more truth in her words, heavily weighted though they are. She sucks the levity right out of her flower girl companion. Aerith looses a sigh, once more feeling worn down by the reality of the situation. She's been carrying the weight of this for quite some time, even before ever coming to Camelot. Maybe she should try to be a little kinder to herself.

And to Balthier.]

...I'll... think about it.

[Which is Aerith's way of saying she will do it. Eventually. She doesn't know when, but it'll happen at some point, in some fashion, and probably happen in entirely the wrong way. But there's nothing about her relationship with Balthier that she hasn't handled wrong, so she expects she'll only continue to do it wrong.]

Sorry. I didn't mean to get you involved with any of this. I keep doing and saying selfish things. To Balthier. To you. Probably to others without even realising it. And all I do is apologise instead of taking responsibility for it. Or maybe I'm trying to take too much responsibility. I got here because I refused to ask for help. Everything happened the way it did because I didn't want to say anything.

[But when she sees Tifa the way she does, Aerith can't help thinking she's only made things worse. Much in the way that Balthier's reactions have only reinforced that the best Aerith is the one who's smiling on the outside, regardless of however she might truly be feeling. She doesn't know how to make it back to that convincingly.]

Don't worry about it, okay? I'll handle it.

[She will worry about it. That's just what Tifa does. It's as natural to her as breathing. Aerith is special to her too, and she doesn't want her to be here, allowing herself to simmer in these sorts of thoughts where she thinks she doesn't deserve to be happy because of one reason or another that she's convinced herself of. She wants Aerith to be happy, whether it's here or somewhere else, with Balthier or someone else, and even with the threat of their return to Gaia looming over everyone's heads, she wants to help her put that aside for now. Tifa wants to put it aside for now...

And who better to do that than the people they've been able to open their hearts up to? And each other?

Tifa shifts, just far enough so that she can reach across and wrap her fingers around Aerith's wrist in a reassuring hold. It's obvious she's touched a few very sore spots today, but in the end, she wants her to know that she's only done this because she cares so passionately about Aerith. Out of all the people in Camelot, or from home, she's the one who's stuck by her through it all, and Tifa intends to return the favour in full, which is why she gives a firm shake of her head.]

No, don't be sorry. You're not selfish.

[She never said Aerith was, but she gets it. They all do things to protect themselves from time to time.]

You can talk to me too, you know. About anything, if you ever need to, okay? Or we don't even have to talk at all, if all you need is someone.

[They could just sit and watch movies together, just the two of them, or they can go out and do something fun. It doesn't matter. Tifa's there.]

I just don't like seeing you like this, so let me help.

[For several long moments, several breaths, probably way more than it appropriately feels like, Aerith says nothing. Instead, as she takes in each kind thing Tifa has to say, her heart just increasingly lodges right into her throat. She isn't sure how much she believes in the reassurance.

She's not selfish? No. She's pretty sure she's been selfish all along. Isn't it, on some level, selfish to protect one's self? The intentions behind it are meant to be good, but all it really does is imply that she thinks her opinions are the most important ones to follow. In the process of protecting herself, all she does is disregard how Tifa might feel about her. How Balthier undeniably does feel about her. She pushes and pushes and pushes, builds this massive wall, and tries to keep everyone out. What is that if not selfish? Protecting herself is just an excuse to do it. It all comes down to responsibility.

"...we don't even have to talk at all, if all you need is someone."

What a concept. Aerith has needed someone for so many years of her life that simply thinking about it makes her ache. She's thought it once or twice before since her arrival, but even being in the flower shop, surrounded by the things she loves so dearly, making the number of acquaintances she has, there's still something in it all that has left her feeling remarkably lonely. It has little to do with companionship. It's more empathy and emotional support, things that, like happiness, Aerith has repeatedly denied herself. Not sharing herself, her situations, the things that burden her, have left her a self-made island and in some ways, an outcast of her own volition. Perhaps for the betterment of others, but for her, heartbreaking in many ways.

Tifa's words settle deep within her and she feels like crying all over again. For just some moments, she scrapes her teeth over her bottom lip and simply holds it, as if it's a last resort in just holding herself together. Crying isn't going to solve anything, after all. She's done enough of it in her personal time and it's accomplished absolutely nothing.]

Isn't that what you're doing now. [She finally manages to begin, ignoring the subtle waver in her voice.] You dropped everything just to come see me and sit with me. To make me stop working, so I stop trying to avoid everything or cover it up. Being my strength when I feel like I have none, even though I know that I do. If you weren't here—

[Gods, if she wasn't here... Aerith would be a mess. Just the mere notion chokes her up abruptly. No matter how much she might care about Balthier, he is no Tifa and what she has with her is undeniably unique and special.]

—Jeez. You are here. That's what matters. Thank you for still being here.

I always will be.

[She hears that quiver in Aerith's voice, and it brings out one in her own, Tifa holding back her own tears at seeing her friend begin to unravel like this. She hadn't intended for the conversation to take a turn like this, but maybe, deep down, this was something that they both need to say and hear more often than not, because no matter who has come and gone from Tifa's life here, and who will continue to, she's had Aerith through it all. Even if she might disappear tomorrow, or Tifa, it's memories like this one that will keep her going.

If her smile could grow any warmer, it does, and then she's rising from her chair to wrap her arms around Aerith in a hug—a lingering hold that says every word she doesn't know how to say. She'll always be there for her and have her back, no matter what, and will be there to give her a nudge or a kick in the right direction should she ever need it.

A lot had been said today, even if Aerith had never voiced it—things that will sit with Tifa until they become distant, forgotten memories. She wonders what they could all mean—about how Aerith's time is much more limited than she believes it to be, but for now, Tifa is going to choose to believe that they have the power to change things, and that fate isn't something that the Planet has already decided for them.

She has no other choice but to believe in that.

There's a sniffle near Aerith's ear, and as Tifa pulls back, she quickly runs a hand over her cheeks.]

Need a top-up on that drink?

["I always will be."

That is a promise that Tifa can't possibly keep. Aerith knows it the moment she hears it. Something Tifa's said, however, keeps sticking out. This whole idea of fighting against fate. As much as Aerith thinks she knows something Tifa doesn't maybe it's really the other way around. But in the way that she's been hesitant to share anything about what she's seen or what she thinks will happen, she's hesitant to ask for more information as well. As if there are some things that just neither of them are meant to know.

There is no judgement lingering in the flower girl as she takes the opportunity to simply take Tifa in. It hardly takes a breath for hug to instigate before Aerith is quick to return it, curling slender arms around her counterpart with a sigh. She could never get tired of hugging Tifa, honestly, and maybe that's because Aerith has had a surprising shortage of hugs in her life. It seems like something so small and yet it's something with so much weight behind it. If she tried to explain it to anyone else, it'd sound laughable, she's sure.

When Tifa draws back, Aerith feels the subtle jab of guilt. There she goes, making someone else upset. That was never her intention, and yes sometimes it seems intention rarely has anything to do with the way a situation might end. Apologetically, she manages a subtle and wistful smile. Not quite forced, but fully acknowledging how her predicament has affected what she'd consider her nearest, and dearest friend.]

You know, that sounds really, really great.

[She offers up her cup to Tifa.]

You were prepared. I should have told you what was going on a lot sooner.

[Because then, maybe they could have just wine'd it all away.]

[There's a soft chuckle from Tifa as she slides her arms out from around Aerith, but only giving herself the room to fill their cups again—perhaps a little more than before this time around. If there's one perk of being best friends with a bartender, it's that she can easily tell when Aerith is going to need just that tiny extra bit of liquid courage to get her through the rest of the afternoon.]

Well, next time, don't wait.

[And hopefully next time, they'll be drinking for fun rather than to chase down their feelings.

Tifa winks, that ability of hers to bounce back so quickly coming in handy as she tops up her own cup, before she's finally stepping away to settle back into her chair.]

We still owe each other a real girl's night after all, now that we've got the couch back.

[Not that she didn't mind Balthier being there, but it became hard for them to find time or space to spend any time together with everything that had went on. Tifa didn't help much with that, of course, having found her own things to worry about that kept her out more often than usual.]

[Aerith huffs out a laugh. Tifa says it like it's so easy and it isn't. If it was, she surely would have said something much sooner instead of waiting until it just about broke her into pieces. She shakes her head, a bit incredulous, though it seems it's all said with the intention of humour.

She takes some moments to drink from her cup and can't help the growing smile that forms in her mouth when she speaks next.]

You know, he was originally in my room when I escorted him back from Celliwig, but nobody knew what was going on with us, and I realised he couldn't stay there without questions being asked. [And speaking of questions just in case they should crop up, Aerith clears her throat.] Nothing happened.

But ahem—a girls' night? Yeah, I think we're overdue. Sounds like you've got some interesting things to share. Maybe I can get enough wine into you that you won't mind speaking up about it a little.

[Absolutely said with humour in mind. Tifa never was one to push people too far, but...]

Well... [Her voice, although light, has a sharp undertone to it.] If I'm going to share some things, don't think you'll get around doing the same.

[Her gaze is knowing when it fixes on Aerith over the rim of her cup, and she takes a long, loud sip, her grin spreading to her eyes.

There are a lot of things they haven't had the chance to share with each other, and although nothing had happened (and frankly, Tifa doesn't need to know all of the details, just like Aerith doesn't need to know hers, but!), she still wants to know the hows. Call her a hopeless romantic.]

[Aerith's eyebrows raise thoughtfully and she hangs onto Tifa's response, dreadfully attentive.] Hmmmm! I guess that's fair, isn't it. [She can't just go prying for information without being willing to give up some of her own.]

I can agree to that. Information for information. But that might sound a little more professional than it actually is, right?

[She utters out a laugh and taps her fingertips against the side of her cup.] I'm going to hold you to that. Mind you, I don't need to hear anything explicit, but if there's someone who's caught your eye, they must be pretty spectacular. I've never known what kind of person you liked, so this is very educational.

[And honestly, she's spent a decent amount of her time wondering if Tifa and Cloud were anything more than childhood friends. But to say they were 'only' that would be insulting. Surely whatever they are to one another is a very special thing that she can't properly understand, having not experienced it herself.]

[If Aerith looked closely, she might find the answer to the kind of person, and the comment draws a sadness out in her smile—a weight of something that's been bearing down on her since her first days in Camelot... and she wonders if that's something she should voice to Aerith as well. In due time, of course... She had more pressing things to worry about than Tifa's problems.

She's able to shake it off easily enough because of that, with a small peal of laughter echoing in her teacup.]

Prepare to be blown away!

[Actually, it probably won't be much of a surprise.]

It's a date then.

[They never got to have a proper one they promised each other back in Midgar, but she isn't going to let anything take that away from them here!]

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[video] - un: pinkmemory

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