text; anonymous

[impostorsyndrome]

[The evening of the 19th, a very mysterious anonymous post goes up on the network! Okay, it's not that mysterious at all to anyone who peruses the Dark Web. Kadoc has ruminated on that fact for two thirds of the month now, trying to decide whether to make a fool of himself (anonymously) with this dumbass shit, but you know what? There's something darkly funny and comforting about the fact that a decent chunk of people will immediately know how not serious this is.

Besides, June has been a wild month for the network, and sometimes a guy starts feeling Very Online and decides, why not contribute to it, especially for a potential reward?

And so:]

TO WHO IT MAY CONCERN

THE HONORABLE LORD AND LADY FUZZLERTON ARE IN MY CUSTODY AND I WONT STOP THERE. THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF MY RAIN OF TERROR. I HAVE SPIRITED THEM AWAY BEYOND THE REACH OF ANY MERE MORTAL AND I WILL DO THE SAME TO OTHERS IF MY DEMANDS ARE NOT MET. FROM THE OWNERS OF THE HONORABLE LORD AND LADY I VERY HUMBLE REQUEST 999,999,999G AND THEN I WILL BE SATISFIED AND NO ONE ELSE WILL FALL WITHIN MY SHADOWY GRASP. IF THEY RESIST I SUGGEST TO ALL OF YOU IN CAMELOT PLEASE URGE THEM NOT TO RESIST FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY. IF NOT THEN PREPARE YOURSELVES TO BE SPIRITED AWAY TOO BEYOND THE REACH OF ALL THE KNIGHTS OF ARTHUR. SEE ATTACHED!!!!!

[Attached, there is a photo of a tuft of rabbit fur that looks like it could have? maybe? come from the Lord or Lady, though who can really tell? It's just rabbit fur. It's like the same color ish. But ooohhhhh scary! Who knows what might happen to you if this person doesn't get the ransom! Besides everyone who reads the Dark Web.

As a note, Kadoc is not a technomancer and while this message is posted anonymously, there are no protections in place against anyone with technomancy digging into who sent it and finding him out. He knows the risks!

Part two of Kadoc's Excellent Adventure will be a toplevel in the event post, dohoho.]

Comments

text; un: tacobell

[itsjiaheng]

lmao that's like not even a real number
unless someone here is secretly bezos
i don't think you're gonna get much for your pic of dryer lint
jus sayin

ANONYMITY CONTINUES APACE

[impostorsyndrome]

YOU WILL BE NEXT

[ . . . This is kind of idiotic fun, he has to admit.]

[itsjiaheng]

[ as he continues to take this seriously not at all. ]

oh yeah ??
well u better dream up an even better number then anon
i'm a rare and valuable treasure~ (◡ ‿ ◡ ✿)

[impostorsyndrome]

TELL ME MORE

PERHAPS I WILL HAVE MERCY ON YOU IF YOU FULFILL MY CURIOSITY

[His persona for this post is "a fucking idiot," and has been since the OP, so why not lean into it for the hell of it . . . ]

[itsjiaheng]

[ sure he’ll play why not ]

well for one thing
i'm one-of-a-kind
there is literally nothing like me anywhere~☆
i wasn't exactly human to begin with
then i went somewhere else and turned into a monster
now i'm a cat
i can also hear the sound of people's blood all the time now :)

TEXT: UN: HAMMERTIME

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[You know what, Darin's had a month. And playing along with this seems like a fun way to kill some time.]

YOU FIEND! HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO NEFARIOUS?! LORD FUZZLERTON BUILT THE TOWNS ORPHANAGE AND THE GOOD LADY IS A PILLAR OF THE COMMUNITY!

IF YOU DO NOT RELEASE THEM AT ONCE I WILL BE FORCED TO DISPATCH YOU MYSELF FOUL KNAVE!!

ANONYMITY INTENSIFIES

[impostorsyndrome]

[Oh good, it's a relief this hand was tipped early on both sides. Kadoc doesn't have to wonder at all about how seriously anyone is potentially taking this crap!]

YOU WILL NEVER FIND ME

MY DARK ARTS HAVE BEEN HONED BY DECADES OF EXPERIENCE FOR THIS MOMENT ALONE

THE DOWNFALL OF THE FUZZLERTON LINE AT LONG LAST!!!!!

UNLESS I GET MY MONEY IN WHICH CASE I AM WILLING TO RECONSIDER

HERE WE GOOOOOOO

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Heh

Youre as foolish as you are misguided and evil! Even if the good Lord and Lady are lost to us

There is another!

[impostorsyndrome]

THAT CANT BE

I HAVE SPENT YEARS ACCOUNTING FOR EVERY POSSIBILITY

YOUR TRICKS WILL NOT WORK ON ME, FOOLISH MORTAL ONE

text, un: filament

[omnicrafter]

Those missing rabbits? From a few moons ago?

A ransom is funny and all, but they can't exactly get it to you without instructions. Or a location to hand it off.

[impostorsyndrome]

THEY MAY CONTACT ME IN PRIVATE TO RECEIVE THIS INFORMATION

I VERILY DID NOT FORGET TO INCLUDE IT

I ONLY WISHED NOT TO OPEN UP THIS TRANSACTION TO THE INTERFERENCE OF SO-CALLED HEROES

[Damn, he did forget. Oh well. It's not like he was trying in any way to make this convincing or effective, but he is still a little embarrassed. What if he had been?!]

[omnicrafter]

And how would you hand off the rabbits without compromising your identity, come to think of it? They're not exactly going to sit still for you.

[impostorsyndrome]

I HAVE STUDIED THE WAYS OF RABBITS FOR YEARS IN PREPARATION FOR THIS MOMENT

AND MY MAGIC WILL ASSIST IN CLOAKING MY IDENTITY

un: !!! RIOT !!!

[machismost]

WHAT THE HELL? DID YOU SERIOUSLY KIDNAP SOMEONES PET????

[impostorsyndrome]

I WOULD NEVER

I KIDNAPPED *TWO* PETS!!!!!

WHAT SAY YOU NOW?

[machismost]

WHY??

DID YOU HURT THEM?? A PIC OF FUR TELLS US NOTHING ABOUT THE FUZZLERTONS!

[impostorsyndrome]

I SHALL NOT GIVE AWAY PRECIOUS INFORMATION AS TO THEIR WELLBEING UNTIL MY DEMANDS ARE MET!

text; un: ems

[unhappy]

It's only the beginning? What's step two of the bunnynapping?

[impostorsyndrome]

THAT WAS THE PART WHERE IF I DO NOT RECEIVE MY RANSOM I BEGIN KIDNAPPING OTHERS AS WELL

I APOLOGIZE IF IT WAS UNCLEAR

[unhappy]

Oh I thought this was some kind of serial puzzle or something.
I chased that stupid rabbit like halfway across town twice. It deserves what it gets.

[impostorsyndrome]

[This is the hardest it's been not to break character for this post; he does laugh to himself on his end of things. The Fuzzlerton ARG . . . now there's an idea.]

SO LONG AS YOU ARE NOT THE OWNER YOU'RE ENTITLED TO YOUR OPINION

I CANNOT SAY THEY HAVE BEEN EASY CAPTIVES SO I UNDERSTAND

video| un: gawainknightoftheroundtable

[loyalbreed]

[ Kadoc just receives this from Gawain except its him saying all this and instead of daughters its about Lord and Lady Fuzzlerton. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

[Oh lord Gawain's username. What did Kadoc expect? At least there's no mistaking who this is, even if it hadn't been a video. Holy shit, the man can be every bit as terrifying as any other Servant.]

I APOLOGIZE AS MY VIDEO FUNCTION IS NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW

I DID NOT SEE THIS MESSAGE

[loyalbreed]

I'm going to kill you, send me your location.

[impostorsyndrome]

OH NO THANK YOU

I SHALL PASS

I'M GOOD