text; anonymous

[impostorsyndrome]

[The evening of the 19th, a very mysterious anonymous post goes up on the network! Okay, it's not that mysterious at all to anyone who peruses the Dark Web. Kadoc has ruminated on that fact for two thirds of the month now, trying to decide whether to make a fool of himself (anonymously) with this dumbass shit, but you know what? There's something darkly funny and comforting about the fact that a decent chunk of people will immediately know how not serious this is.

Besides, June has been a wild month for the network, and sometimes a guy starts feeling Very Online and decides, why not contribute to it, especially for a potential reward?

And so:]

TO WHO IT MAY CONCERN

THE HONORABLE LORD AND LADY FUZZLERTON ARE IN MY CUSTODY AND I WONT STOP THERE. THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF MY RAIN OF TERROR. I HAVE SPIRITED THEM AWAY BEYOND THE REACH OF ANY MERE MORTAL AND I WILL DO THE SAME TO OTHERS IF MY DEMANDS ARE NOT MET. FROM THE OWNERS OF THE HONORABLE LORD AND LADY I VERY HUMBLE REQUEST 999,999,999G AND THEN I WILL BE SATISFIED AND NO ONE ELSE WILL FALL WITHIN MY SHADOWY GRASP. IF THEY RESIST I SUGGEST TO ALL OF YOU IN CAMELOT PLEASE URGE THEM NOT TO RESIST FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY. IF NOT THEN PREPARE YOURSELVES TO BE SPIRITED AWAY TOO BEYOND THE REACH OF ALL THE KNIGHTS OF ARTHUR. SEE ATTACHED!!!!!

[Attached, there is a photo of a tuft of rabbit fur that looks like it could have? maybe? come from the Lord or Lady, though who can really tell? It's just rabbit fur. It's like the same color ish. But ooohhhhh scary! Who knows what might happen to you if this person doesn't get the ransom! Besides everyone who reads the Dark Web.

As a note, Kadoc is not a technomancer and while this message is posted anonymously, there are no protections in place against anyone with technomancy digging into who sent it and finding him out. He knows the risks!

Part two of Kadoc's Excellent Adventure will be a toplevel in the event post, dohoho.]

Comments

[machismost]

NO ONE'S GIVING YOU ANY MONEY IF YOU HURT THEM SO YOU BETTER!!!

[impostorsyndrome]

AND I WILL NOT HURT THEM IF I AM GIVEN THE MONEY

AS YOU CAN SEE, EVERYONE WINS

[machismost]

Ok where do you want the money delivered?

[ So he can deliver you a knuckle-sandwich, villain! ]

[impostorsyndrome]

I CANNOT REVEAL THAT TO ANYONE BUT THE KEEPERS OF THE LORD AND LADY

FOR SECURITY REASONS

[machismost]

[ Damn, this dude's good. Kirishima please. ]

But what if they don't have the money and I want to pay for it?

[ He sends a picture of a single gold coin. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

THE MONEY MUST COME FROM THEIR OWN COFFERS

THEY KNOW WHY!!!!!

[Oh god, Kadoc desperately hopes no one here actually tries to raise this ridiculous sum. The kidnapper doesn't deserve shit! This is supposed to be so over the top no one will fall for it!]

[machismost]

[ No one would fall for this... except for a teenaged hero-to-be who ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. Though, listen, even this dumbass has begun to doubt the 'kidnapper' here has what they say they do. ]

You have to know posting this publicly instead of private to the owners mean you don't know who they are or you want money from whoever wil pay it.

Cmon man I think all of us just want to know the bunnies are ok right now.

What are you even going for with all that money? Maybe you could just ask for what you really want instead?

[ Another picture, this one with a lump sum of 10 gold pieces. ]

[impostorsyndrome]

I POSTED IT FOR ALL TO SEE SO THAT ALL WOULD KNOW HOW DIRE THIS SITUATION TRULY IS

WHAT I TRULY WANT?

SUCH A THING

CANNOT BE PURCHASED BY ANY AMOUNT OF GOLD...

😢

[Well if he's got to derail this ride somehow, it may as well be by giving his OC an implied tragic backstory. What else is he gonna do with his evening?]