text; anonymous

[impostorsyndrome]

[The evening of the 19th, a very mysterious anonymous post goes up on the network! Okay, it's not that mysterious at all to anyone who peruses the Dark Web. Kadoc has ruminated on that fact for two thirds of the month now, trying to decide whether to make a fool of himself (anonymously) with this dumbass shit, but you know what? There's something darkly funny and comforting about the fact that a decent chunk of people will immediately know how not serious this is.

Besides, June has been a wild month for the network, and sometimes a guy starts feeling Very Online and decides, why not contribute to it, especially for a potential reward?

And so:]

TO WHO IT MAY CONCERN

THE HONORABLE LORD AND LADY FUZZLERTON ARE IN MY CUSTODY AND I WONT STOP THERE. THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF MY RAIN OF TERROR. I HAVE SPIRITED THEM AWAY BEYOND THE REACH OF ANY MERE MORTAL AND I WILL DO THE SAME TO OTHERS IF MY DEMANDS ARE NOT MET. FROM THE OWNERS OF THE HONORABLE LORD AND LADY I VERY HUMBLE REQUEST 999,999,999G AND THEN I WILL BE SATISFIED AND NO ONE ELSE WILL FALL WITHIN MY SHADOWY GRASP. IF THEY RESIST I SUGGEST TO ALL OF YOU IN CAMELOT PLEASE URGE THEM NOT TO RESIST FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY. IF NOT THEN PREPARE YOURSELVES TO BE SPIRITED AWAY TOO BEYOND THE REACH OF ALL THE KNIGHTS OF ARTHUR. SEE ATTACHED!!!!!

[Attached, there is a photo of a tuft of rabbit fur that looks like it could have? maybe? come from the Lord or Lady, though who can really tell? It's just rabbit fur. It's like the same color ish. But ooohhhhh scary! Who knows what might happen to you if this person doesn't get the ransom! Besides everyone who reads the Dark Web.

As a note, Kadoc is not a technomancer and while this message is posted anonymously, there are no protections in place against anyone with technomancy digging into who sent it and finding him out. He knows the risks!

Part two of Kadoc's Excellent Adventure will be a toplevel in the event post, dohoho.]

Comments

[impostorsyndrome]

THAT WAS NOT THE PURPOSE BUT

YOU TELL ME

1/3

[unhappy]

Hm....

[ As if she's actually assessing... ]

[unhappy]

I think...

3/3

[unhappy]

It makes you sound like an old person just learning to use the internet.

[impostorsyndrome]

WELL YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!

YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY KNOW THAT. SILENCE

[unhappy]

[ Is trolling kidnappers how you be a hero? She's not sure, but she's going with it. ]

I don't know. "TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN" is a pretty late-70s email starter.

[impostorsyndrome]

FOOLISH MORTAL! YOU ARE OFF BY AT LEAST A DECADE

SO WHO'S LAUGHING NOW!

[unhappy]

...So you're either 60 or 80 years old?
Not helping your case, grandpa/ma

[impostorsyndrome]

I SAID AT LEAST

I COULD BE 55

A VERY YOUNG GRANDFATHER OR MOTHER IF SO

[unhappy]

So is this like a reverse silver alert?

[impostorsyndrome]

I AM NOT CERTAIN WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT

BUT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME BEING OLD

[unhappy]

Suuuure.