text | un: Helios

[fruitknife]

[Granted, there's exactly one person here who might understand Shinji's choice of user name, and that's a pretty big 'might.' But it wasn't taken, and it's not like the Iwatodai crowd know nothing about Greek mythology. There's just another layer to it.]

So. Money's presumably a thing here, since this isn't a void between worlds where you can just think shit into existence and I don't just have Mitsuru levels of it on hand. (Anyone else who knows Mitsuru: Yes, that much money is exactly as weird as you think it is.)

What do people do for jobs? I can cook and I can hit shit.

Comments

[fruitknife]

Sounds like there's an opening for the skill set.

[konpeito_aji]

How?

[fruitknife]

Sounds like the quest shit includes things that need to be hit.

[konpeito_aji]

But not slaughtered?

[fruitknife]

Might depend on the quest.

[konpeito_aji]

Sounds challenging.

Although I can't imagine cooking skills ever going to waste anywhere.

[fruitknife]

Doesn't seem likely, no. Somebody's gotta make sure people eat their damn vegetables.

[konpeito_aji]

Vegetables don't want to be eaten, that's why they're bitter.

[fruitknife]

That just means you're not cooking them right.

[konpeito_aji]

There's a technique to make vegetables more palatable?

[fruitknife]

Lots.

Salt. Butter. Soy sauce. Cheese. Whatever other spices you're using on your meal. Cook 'em in the same dish as the meat so they absorb the meat flavor. Cook 'em literally any other way than 'boil 'em half to death.' That's just a few options. ['Boil them half to death' is only an acceptable option with potatoes, if you go on to mash them, but Shinji doubts this guy has heard of potatoes - if he remembers right they're an American import.]

And if they still taste bitter after you make an effort not to have them taste bitter, congratulations, you're really fucking hard to poison.

[konpeito_aji]

[Correct!]

Is there a way to test this? Then I can convince everyone else I don't need poison testers.

Can you candy the vegetables?

[Sorry Shinji, he took it too far...]

[fruitknife]

Less a test and more that most poisons are really bitter. You can probably get away without poison testers here, though. [That's not... really a Normal People thing.

But then, a name Shinji is going to recognise from Gekkoukan's history teacher's Sengoku obsession isn't gonna be Normal People.]

...I mean, you could, but it'd probably be disgusting. Save that for fruit.

[konpeito_aji]

That's what I keep telling Mitsuhide, but he won't listen! And it's best to preemptively stop Hideyoshi before he even arrives.

All right, convince me on vegetables. I'm very fond of tempura, if they still make that in your time. And most recently since arriving here I'm on a quest to try all flavors of pie.

[Quest in a metaphorical sense, not literal!]

[fruitknife]

Yeah, I can do tempura. Pies might be trickier, and it won't be a dessert pie, but I'll see what I can do once I have some shit to work with.

[konpeito_aji]

That's okay, I heard carrot pie is very normal.

[Oda has no idea of what's normal, he's just pretending!]

[fruitknife]

Either you're making shit up or someone's fucking with you.

[konpeito_aji]

Are root pies not a thing? And sheep pies? Though after petting one I don't want to eat them. It seems wasteful, like eating a horse.

[It was a wooly, but whatever.]

I have to be romanced before intercourse.

[Or he can just trust you, because you saved his life. But then he's doing the fucking. And thanks to Olivia making fuck seem like the worst kind of rape; Nobunaga says, "Not with force."]

[fruitknife]

Meat's gotta come from somewhere. Sheep are pretty multipurpose, though. Anyway, it'd be carrot cake, not carrot pie.

...Don't most people who're into that? Where'd you even

oh. Language bullshit. 'Fucking with' doesn't have anything to do with sex. I meant someone was messing with your head.

[konpeito_aji]

What's the difference?

[Yes, Shinji, teach him the wide variety of pies and cakes. This can only end well.]

I surmised your meaning from context, but it's still entertaining to conceive of! Though it seems I have misunderstood them; pies being like mooncakes and all.

[fruitknife]

Pies have a crust. Cakes don't, unless you really screwed something up in the process.

[konpeito_aji]

[Adds it to his notes!]

Is spinach pie any good?

[BRB playing with the translator until he stumbles on it correctly!!!]

Spanakopita?

[fruitknife]

Can be. Phyllo pastry's finicky as shit, though. Not worth making from scratch if you don't have to.

[konpeito_aji]

I see, I see! Humanity's come so far!

[He will never be bored here.]

[fruitknife]

[Would he be bored anywhere?]

Be great if we could stop making the same damn mistakes.