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Video | UN: hijikata | Irregular Quest: Keep a Man out of the Sun for a Day

[It's after dinnertime on another rainy evening when a new video pops up on AOL. Hijikata has never posted anything on the network before (beyond responses to other people), so he's not exactly a familiar face... but those who do know him may be surprised by the changes to his outfit and the large black wings on his back. He looks a lot more composed than usual and gives the camera a slow blink before starting to speak.]

My name is Arashi. I am the familiar of Hijikata-san, whose body I am inhabiting by means of familiar fusion to bring you this message. I am afraid that I find myself in need of some assistance.

[He seems to be in a hotel room, and attentive listeners may be able to catch the occasional high-pitched little noise in the background, as if there were guinea pigs or other small pets running around. Arashi keeps a straight face.]

It has come to my attention that Hijikata-san has been struggling to reverse the impact of the wishes that were made about two months ago. I cannot maintain the familiar fusion state for very long, so I seek the support of anyone willing and able to keep him away from the sunlight for a day.

[What the reclusive crow tengu isn't telling the viewers: due to the heavy rains he decided to check on his bond partner, only to find his hotel room full of mayonnaise mascots. When the flooding began Hijikata had fetched them in a panic from the smallholding farm the owners of which had been letting him keep them in an enclosure, and their presence immediately made it clear to Arashi that he never fixed his messed-up magic. Hijikata had just finished preparing a familiar fusion essence in his room for later use in an emergency, and ultimately it was used much sooner as a result of the ensuing fight.]

Please come to Room 306 at the main inn if you are interested. I cannot offer gold, but I am able to train users of wind magic and help awaken it for novice users of elemental magic, or otherwise I can offer some rare items.

Just as a warning, there are some... creatures here.

[The mayonnaise mascots are harmless, but kind of creepy looking in his opinion. They are unnatural, wholly unnatural. The sooner they disappear the better.]

(OOC: This is open for anyone, no dibs (after all we've got time loops happening around here!). Villains and pranksters are also welcome (after all Arashi is such an absent familiar that he wouldn't be able to tell who Hijikata's friends are, or if he has any at all). If you'd like to plot anything specific out I have my CR meme post here!)

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[Arashi is relieved to hear the knock not too long after ending his call with Sagi, but when he opens the door and sees the uncanny horned creature overshadowing the young man he's taken aback. If nothing else the brand new rope in Sagi's hands confirms that he's the person Arashi spoke to earlier.]

Welcome. Please come in.

[He's not about to make Sagi's familiar wait outside - he prides himself on his good manners -, but he'll need to tactfully vet these two on their trustworthiness to the best of his abilities. There's about a half-dozen mayonnaise mascots within sight as they enter, with as many more elsewhere in the apartment.]

I already closed all blinds, and I agree with the plan you suggested, however I have strong concerns that Hijikata-san may free himself if left unsupervised. That said if you plan to stay here with him I am afraid that I cannot offer you any provisions.

[Hijikata downright only has mayonnaise bottles in his hotel room as far as food goes (no wonder, given that he lives on the free breakfast and otherwise eats at cheap restaurants and food stalls).

May I ask how the two of you know Hijikata-san?

[...The mascots are looking at him.]

Um...

[Sagi manages to wrench his attention away from the closest one, peeking out of a dresser. He is not particularly fearful as a rule, and right now he's grateful for that. Their faces vaguely remind him of the Empire's warmachina.

(They had some really weird warmachina.)]

On an expedition to the Forest of the Fisherking, back when the king figured out what the remedy was for all of this. Honestly, that's why it surprised me. He seemed so responsible...

[Not even a trace of sarcasm. Sagi's bar for "responsible adult" is extremely low. This is not to say he's having any second thoughts about the bundle of sturdy rope in his hand - it has to be done, right?]

We'll stay, anyway. I brought my familiar so we can keep an eye on him, even in an emergency. [You never know, in Camelot.] He can call to me in his heart if anything goes wrong.

[The horned demon creature behind him doesn't look like it's ever done anything so wishy-washy as calling to people in its heart. It mostly looks like it doesn't want to be here. It's glaring silently through its matted hair at Arashi in Hijikata's body; it hasn't met either of them before.]

[THE MASCOTS ARE LOOKING AT SAGI. They all look goddamn identical too with their onion-shaped heads and sparse tufts of hair. So yeah, that's going to be fun spending a day with these things!

Arashi looks to be in almost physical pain as he hears how Sagi met Hijikata. They met on that mission... Hijikata must already have had created the mascots at that point, but he probably didn't tell anybody. That man seriously thought he could keep these gnomes his little secret while his magic gets corrupted more and more. Unbelievable. He closes his eyes for a moment before responding.]

Hijikata-san is a responsible man, in general. I am sure he can explain his reasons to you himself.

[When Arashi is gone and doesn't have to endure the shame, that is. He once more looks at Sagi's familiar... it really doesn't look like it's comfortable in the hotel room, and he can only assume that it would rather be out in the rain in some swamp or some crumbling ruin, but alas, they need any support they can get here.]

I would recommend tying Hijikata-san - and me, as it were - to sturdy furniture he cannot move, but I am not sure which would be most suitable...

[He looks around in the standard-issue hotel room. Beyond some small toys for the mascots (mostly egg-shaped items, probably bought on discount after the spring equinox) Hijikata didn't bring anything in here that he other rooms wouldn't also have. Well, in doubt they can tie him up as-is and just sit on him if he tries anything. Arashi will cooperate without complaints, he'll just fuss over his wings (but those will soon be gone anyway).]

Furniture? Hmm.

[It's a sensible suggestion, so Sagi takes a moment to look around the room as well. There's the dresser, but on reflection, it's too small to weigh a grown man down that much. There's a promising-looking wardrobe, which he moves to open in his unthinking disregard for Hijikata's privacy, but immediately closes when he sees the sheer number of identical mascots peeking out - if containing Hijikata is going to be an ordeal, it might be best not to let all of these things putter around freely.]

I can't see anything big enough. [He looks away from Arashi, away from his silently glowering familiar, towards the window. A few more mascots squint at him from the window sill below the blinds.] Any ideas?

[Whatever answers him does so only inside his own head.]

... The bed? So, a bedpost? [He turns away from the window to go over to the bed and give it a shove with his foot, inadvertently dislodging another mascot from the pillow. It feels fairly sturdy, as beds go.] It could work if we sit on it. OK, we'll try that.

[With that brief interlude concluded, it's time to tie up a tengu. There's more than enough rope to secure Arashi to the base of the bed - but only moments after Sagi kneels down to do so, he hesitates.]

Is it... okay to touch your wings? They're wings.

[He says, like that explains anything by itself.]

Yes, so long as you are careful. Let me try to get them out of your way.

[Of course he doesn't know that Sagi also has experience with having wings. Here's hoping he ties good knots, because Arashi is seriously concerned that Hijikata may break free through sheer willpower and mascot protectionism. Once the work is done he gives the ropes some experimental tugs.]

Thank you very much. If Hijikata-san does manage to free himself your partner should be a good help in restraining him again.

[The beast looks strong enough to pin down even the 'Demon Vice Commander'. The atmosphere is kind of eerie now, with the dozen mascots peering at them from every corner of the room... and the night has only begun. Well, with any luck Hijikata may tire himself out enough to sleep through most of the day afterwards.]

Let me know if you would like to take take of anything else before I dissolve the fusion.

[The rope is good quality, and in theory Sagi's knots should be too - even if it wasn't a reasonable skill to learn growing up in a rural farming village, the evil empire back home hasn't yet modernised to the point of using laser containment fields for all their war crimes. In practice... they aren't tied quite as securely as they could be, partly because Sagi was still leery of hurting the wings in the slightest, but mostly because he feels kind of bad for Hijikata already. There is no way this could backfire on them very shortly.]

No, that should do it. Please leave him to us. We'll make sure he doesn't harm himself or anyone else.

[His monstrous familiar looms over the hotel bed and its resident mascots on standby, its tentacles twitching warily.]

[That definitely won't backfire... especially not since Arashi only used a fraction of the force an enraged mayonnaise enthusiast is likely to apply. For what it's worth, though, he looks content and thankful, despite the present company objectively being somewhat concern-instilling (Sagi excluded).]

You have my deepest gratitude.

[As he undoes the fusion there are some unexplainable magical effects that conveniently obscure the actual process with sudden extremely localised dark fog (or is it smoke?) that dissipates as soon as it appeared to reveal Hijikata, now wingless and back in his usual black slacks, white shirt and black vest, and Arashi who, upon realising that sitting on a bed was somewhat undignified for a fully grown crow tengu (yes, he's that stuffy), quickly changed into his far more diminutive crow form.

It serves him well, too, because Hijikata instantly swings his leg across the bed to crush him (assuming Sagi only tied him by the arms and upper body, otherwise he's just futilely attempting to lunge in Arashi's general direction.]

You!! Sagi, don't let him escape!!

Hijikata-san, we are trying to help you.

You're trying to screw me over, that's what you're trying to do! The nerve of you to rope Sagi into it!

[Seriously!! Recruiting a guileless young RPG protagonist who'll blithely aid that cunning crow man in his shady schemes... how much lower could Arashi have stooped?!]

[Somehow, Sagi had expected Hijikata to be... groggier, somehow. Or hung over. You know, at least a little disoriented, to make up for Sagi absolutely only having tied him to the bedpost around his arms and torso. He sidesteps the kick before Hijikata's leg can smack him too, but quickly moves back, placing his hands on Hijikata's shoulders in an attempt to steady him.] Mr. Hijikata, please calm down! It's going to be okay.

[He means this as earnestly as anything else he says, but it would probably ring more true if not for the presence of his familiar, now glaring directly at Hijikata for the commotion.]

[The grogginess will set in with some delay, mostly since they didn't actually engage in any taxing activities while fused, and it'll help Sagi tremendously because it'll ensure that Hijikata sleeps through the night. For now, though, he's far too agitated to be still. At least he stops thrashing around when Sagi steadies him (not least because Arashi has moved out of kicking range), which may at least partly be out of intimidation when he meets the beast's eyes.]

Oh yeah?! Am I going to be left alone to decide for myself whether I avoid the sun or not?!

If you insist on letting your magic fall into decay, then we may not be able to remain in the realm of Avalon. Surely you do not want to be frozen in time.

[Arashi sounds calm and dignified even as a literal bird, though he has to rearrange some feathers after having to flee from Hijikata's attack.]

You just made that up in your head!! Where's the proof that that's going to happen?!

[Arashi casts a glance at Sagi that carries a distinct sense of resignation.]

Sagi-san, would you feel comfortable keeping Hijikata-san company with your partner from here on out? I am afraid that the arguing will not cease as long as I remain here.

So now you're just ollying out?! Just you wait--

[He bites back whatever threat he wanted to throw at the crow when, again, Sagi's familiar stares at him for making such a ruckus. Why does a harmless boy like Sagi have a familiar like that?! It's creepy!]

He is a familiar. [Sagi eases his grip on Hijikata's shoulders once the man stops struggling, though he keeps one hand there just in case. He's doing a good job of keeping his tone of voice evenly diplomatic. The rope and the watchful squints of the mascots dotted around the room up the stakes a little compared to the arguments he used to have to break up every day, but he isn't too worried yet.] And my familiar doesn't think he's lying. When it comes to magic, I figure they should know.

[His familiar narrows all four of its glowing eyes in an incongruously human-like expression of annoyance, still aimed squarely at Hijikata, and emits a quiet growl just to underline the point. Still creepy! Sagi would readily admit that it looks creepy! It just also happens to be a long story... a 50-hour videogame, to be specific.

When Arashi catches his eye, he manages a decent attempt at a reassuring smile, if ever so slightly lopsided.] ...You might be right. We'll work something out, don't worry.

[Preferably something that does not involve the absolute last resort of attacking Hijikata with a medium-size tentacle monster, which means he doesn't yet have any actual idea of what that "something" might be. It'll be fine. Everything is fine.]

[50 hours?! They're long-ass canon buddies! But they'll have to find out about that later; for now Hijikata is intimidated, and he hates it. He wants to pluck Arashi like a roast chicken, not sit here all meekly... but alas, tough luck. He just broods and sulks for the moment while Arashi bows his head to Sagi and his familiar in gratitude.]

I am indebted to you. I will return at dusk tomorrow to see how you have been faring.

[He'll bring a small assortment of rewards for Sagi to choose from, too, if he doesn't pick the figurative training session voucher. One Sagi has let him out of the room Hijikata tries to smoothly go back to business as usual.]

Well, he's gone. You can untie me now.

[It turns out that besides keeping Hijikata's volume down Sagi's familiar also keeps the mascots at bay. They ontinue observing the little group from a respectful distance, but none of them dare come near.]

[Good, because his horrible familiar isn't going anywhere that Sagi isn't. At the first suggestion of untying Hijikata, it leans a little closer and growls again, exposing the double rows of teeth in its wide maw.

Sagi just shakes his head as he closes the door and goes to pull up a chair, possibly tip it sideways to dislodge a mascot if dragging it closer to the monster doesn't do the trick.] No can do, sorry. I don't want you to get sick.

[At least, "getting sick" is his understanding of what it would mean to lose your magic in a place like this.]

Why do you want to go outside so much, anyway? It's been raining nonstop.

[Hijikata briefly considers the situation he's in. Sagi seems a little naive, but his goddamn familiar doesn't... ugh, how is he supposed to talk the boy into anything with this monster watching them?! He can't break out of the less-than-perfectly tied ropes for the same reason. So for now he'll just try to bide him time.]

I know, but I wanted to go buy some dinner. I've got nothing here but Mayorin food.

["Mayorin food" would be raw eggs. It's pretty late already, so chances are Sagi and his familiar already had their dinner and he won't be able to use their own hunger against them, but surely Sagi will take pity on him, right?]

Oh... [Sagi glances around the hotel room again. It's true, nothing obviously food-like has materialised nearby since he first looked through the room, just before Hijikata up. All he sees are the mascots.] Guess that means those things aren't edible.

[He does, in fact, feel a little bad. It doesn't occur to him that this might be the point.]

I can go buy you something. What do you need?

[As in, he is willing to go out and buy something, leaving the tentacle demon exactly where it is. That should be safe, right? Arashi seemed to think so.]

[Crap crap crap!! Okay, this backfired; he does not want to be left alone with this horrifying creature!]

O-on second thought I actually totally can hold out! Or else let's go together! You'd probably struggle to find the exact stuff I like! It's dark outside now, so there's no harm, right? And we'll be back here super soon!

[He actually really can't just run off once outside because there's no way he's willing to leave his precious Mayorins alone with Sagi's familiar, so he'll want the latter to come along too. Otherwise it might just eat them regardless of how much they are not food.]

[Sagi blinks. Why the sudden reversal? He's loath to even think the thought, but that seems... suspicious.]

Uh, I really don't mind going... I can write down what you need, if you're worried.

[He'll even fish his phone out of his pocket and make a blank memo for it right here, right now. It's becoming something of an ingrained habit, the way writing his field notes and travel diary entries used to be.]

That way we can get you food for tomorrow, too.

[His familiar continues to just sit there, unblinking. Presently, the sickly orange exposed muscles along its arms pulse as it shifts its weight, propping itself up ever so slightly taller. It would be a pretty impressive feat to still have much of an appetite after watching it for long.]

[Nooo!! This is too creepy; he doesn't want to be alone with it!]

I don't want to put you through the hassle of going alone in this shitty weather! Let's order in! Okay? Let's order pizza! It'll be my treat! Or anything else if you don't like pizza! I'm not really hungry anymore, seriously!

[Actually now that his initial fury over Arashi's betrayal had worn off the exhaustion of the familiar fusion is really hitting him... he turns his head away to try and stifle a drawn-out yawn.]

Nnnn... say, how late is it, anyway?

[It's probably "just" somewhere between 10:00 and 11:00 PM, but the tiredness is already creeping into his bones.]

[Okay, well, Sagi didn't get his phone out for nothing. He glances down.] It says... 10:14.

[But he has to stifle a yawn of his own as he says it. Dang, it's contagious. He's normally fine at this hour.

Once again his lack of foresight is catching up to him, this time in the form of a slow realisation that he didn't plan where he's going to sleep if he's supposed to watch Hijikata until tomorrow evening. The bed is obviously out, and his familiar takes up a decent amount of the floor space that the watchful mascots aren't already occupying; he doesn't like letting it breathe down his neck while he sleeps if he can help it, either. ...Eh, whatever. A chair is fine for one night.]

Alright. If you're sure, I'll just go in the morning.

[In other words, stranding Hijikata in this room with a horrible monster for a while remains on the agenda. Hey, it's still for his own good! Everything is fine.]

[If nothing else the armchair may be comfortable-ish... or, if Sagi sleeps curled up, they can share the bed after all, seeing how Hijikata will definitely stay at the top end. Or he can make a nest out of towels and blankets on the floor. The possibilities are manifold!]

Yeah... going in the morning sounds good.

[He wants to keep arguing as to why Sagi definitely shouldn't go alone (without sounding desperate about it), but he's seriously crashing all of a sudden. Within mere moments he's all slack and relaxed, head hanging down as he sleeps sitting up. His muscles will probably complain after a long night in this position, but at the very least Sagi is relieved of his samurai-sitting duty for now.

Hijikata will actually end up sleeping long past noon the next day, having overworked himself relentlessly in the previous days, despite being tied to the headboard - so Sagi may find himself woken up by the small hands of some mayonnaise mascots around noontime (if he doesn't wake up earlier on his own). They poke and prod him, make little "uhyoo" sounds, point at the small hotel room fridge, and hold up their plush and plastic egg toys. Feed them, Sagi!]

Edited 2021-04-24 21:10 (UTC)

[It's fortunate that Hijikata is out like a light so quickly, or else Sagi would probably have kept him awake. Without anyone else to watch or talk to, he has a habit of thinking aloud in a stage whisper to fill the silence, so he ends up intermittently mumbling to himself well into the night. At one point he raids the bathroom and makes an impromptu bedroll out of a few clean towels instead of staying in the armchair, having decided after a lengthy semi-internal debate that a fake bed is better than no bed. His familiar simply sprawls onto the floor beside Hijikata's own bed after a while and dozes off there, like some sort of oversized, malformed dog.

Since he took so long to settle down, it might come as no surprise that Sagi sleeps in late as well. It has to be at least noon when, finally, he stirs from uneasy dreams to the unfamiliar sensation of several tiny hands tugging at his fingers.]

Hm...? Not another baby bird? You know Mom says to leave them in the woods...

["Uhyoo," replies one of the mascots, a sound Sagi associates with neither the younger orphanage kids nor the various wild animals they used to try to bring home. That and the prodding of the other mascots' little hands are incongruous enough to startle him awake at long last. He jolts straight into an upright sitting position, bleary-eyed, and looks down.]

You... Were there this many of you last night?? [Because they sure as heck weren't all this close to his face! Unable to think of any better ways to rectify this on the spot, he promptly swats at the closest of them with the back of his hand, as hard as he can. Sorry, little guy.] Go away!

[There's a full dozen of Mayorins, and they all wants eggs. When Sagi swats the nearest one it falls on its back and flounders around, emitting high-pitched whines as some others come to its aid. Hijikata is miraculously still sleeping through this, but then he also slept through Sagi's quiet mumbling last night.

The suspect-looking little creatures keep piling up their toy eggs in front of Sagi and waving their arms with increasing urgency, pointing at the fridge and patting their bellies. Sagi can either knock them all over and leave them struggling to get back up, wake up properly and see if he can figure out what the hell their deal is, or wake up Hijikata, who's cutting a pretty pitiful figure in his slumped position at the head of the bed. ~~Since when did this become a multiple choice text adventure?~~]

Ugh, what are they saying...?

[Sagi isn't mean-spirited enough to slap all of the Mayorins away after that helpless little display. He briefly entertains the notion of waking his familiar up to terrorise them into silence, but that would be even meaner. At that point, he's... out of ideas. He rubs his eyes and frowns down at the heap of toy eggs beside him, but nothing is clicking. He certainly doesn't recall Hijikata's comment about Mayorin food from last night yet, what with everything else that happened around it.

However, by happy coincidence, he does have a multiple-choice dialogue box living in his head! How useful for this exact situation. It's the same entity he was muttering to all night, the one he's always talking to when he seems to be thinking aloud.]

Marno, are you awake? If we wake Hijikata up, he might know what they want, but... I'm not sure.

[Let him sleep, says the taciturn voice only he can hear.]

...Yeah. He looks like he needed the rest.

[But that means he's still on his own, unless his stage whispering is loud enough this time to rouse Hijikata anyway. Okay, time to... just try harder, he supposes. With a small sigh, he stands up and dusts himself off, then looks down at the huddled mascots again.]

Um... sorry for hitting you. [This is so damn surreal.] What do you all want with the fridge? Do you want to go inside?

[Would he be any quicker on the uptake if he wasn't still half-asleep and mildly annoyed? It's debatable.]

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Video | UN: hijikata | Irregular Quest: Keep a Man out of the Sun for a Day

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