avalononline | 7. un: tsuna27; text

You’re not keeping me up!

[He’s just stupid with taking care of himself.]

Maybe talking about it and how you would change it could help?

[There is a part of Tsuna that does doubt that.]

I don't know if I could...

I keep dreaming about that last battle with Byakuran.

I don’t want you to have to be alone, Tenth.

[And he’d be close, to offer support to his boss. He might be staying up, but it’s not like this is a regular occurrence. It’s worth it, in his opinion.]

Is there some part of it you wished you would have done differently? You know it’s changed, Tenth. Nothing like that is going to happen again.

Something is obviously bothering you about it that you haven’t gotten over, and you’re reliving that fight to find something you can find explanations in, but know that it isn’t going to change no matter how many times you dream it.

You are letting the past haunt you. If there’s any part of it still lingering and giving you those regrets… [He knows how that loss hurts and aches and he wishes he could change what happened.] You need to forgive yourself for them.

[He’s getting up and moving about, clearly gathering things while talking to his boss.]

I’m coming over.

[The realities of what the mafia is hits hard. Gokudera forgets that, being raised in such shady business, but Yamamoto’s first kill weighed heavily on him, and Tsuna seeing sacrifice and so much hardship, and feeling so responsible reminds him that they’re not even officially mafia, that they’re going to have to take some pretty big steps forward.

He’ll be as supportive as he can, already considers himself a lost case.]

[The thing is, there's not really a lot that Tsuna regrets about the future. It's just. It weighs on him. What he had to do to stop Byakuran. What Uni had to do. And he knows it's been changed but it doesn't change the fact that it happened.]

Okay.

[He'll wait for Gokudera to arrive, knowing he's probably not going to be able to persuade him otherwise.]

[Gokudera has been up for a while, so while he may look a little tired, it isn’t the same sort of sleepiness that his boss is likely experiencing. Pulling all-nighters unnecessarily has prepared him for occasions like these.

He assumes his boss is dwelling on Uni, about the damage that trip created, the fear it instilled in his friends, and probably how much of a shock the real weight of a mafia boss is.

Whatever it is, Gokudera doesn’t think his boss should have to face it alone. When he shows up, he drops his bag and moves over to throw his arms around his boss.]

Tenth, why didn’t you tell me you were having problems with your sleep? I do, too, I could have helped!

[He has chamomile tea. That’s about all the help he can actually offer… aside from his company.]

[Tsuna pauses, before leaning into Gokudera a bit, comforted by his presence.]

I. I haven't really, is the thing. Like, I get to sleep fine. I just end up having the dream again, and waking up. And then just. Don't want to go back to sleep.

[He doesn't want to have it again. Once a night is enough.]

I didn't think it would stick around as long either.

I'm sorry.

You should sleep even if you don’t want to. Prove it to yourself, boss. I know you can have a different dream, or change it. There’s a point where you just get… fed up, y’know?

[Gokudera thinks maybe this is his boss’s lack of setting boundaries with himself. He lets go of him, but has his hands on Tsuna’s shoulders.]

You do a lot of incredible things all the time, and while working with your dreams doesn’t seem as cool, it’s still something you have a lot of power with.

[He blinks in complete bewilderment at the apology and shakes his head vigorously.]

Don’t be!!! I just want to help, Tenth. Do you think talking about it more, specifically what part is bothering you…?

I guess it just feels weird. Like, actually trying to control dreams and stuff like that. I didn't really know you could.

[Dreams were just sort of a thing that happened to him. Usually weird dreams. Or stress dreams. Usually more of the latter. Thanks Reborn.]

I don't really know how to explain it. I guess just, the big thing is the way that Byakuran just disappeared in my flames. I...I don't really know how to feel about that.

[After the joy of realizing he'd won and they could go home with everything restored.]

They’re your dreams, Tenth. You have more control than anyone about what you do and how they’ll change.

[Gokudera has some messed up dreams all the time, night terrors that make him grateful he lives alone. He’s tried different ways of dealing with them, but usually…]

Have you ever kept a dream journal before?

It helps you better see how you feel, and understand why. Even if it’s just a few words to describe the dream, you can see what repeats and find out what may be triggering it…

[Gokudera looks down at his hands, rubs his scarred one and looks troubled.]

Tenth, the Yamamoto that was here before. He was from our future, not the one of ten years. He said Byakuran helped us. We change everything for the better, you know? That was one Byakuran. There are probably so many more now in many other parallel worlds.

You did what you had to do…

I guess I could try that. It might help, the dream journal anyway. But do I just...try thinking about different things before I go to sleep?

I really don't know how to control that.

[For the dreams he remembers anyway.

It's weird to think of Yamamoto being from that far in the future. Even if Tsuna doesn't know how far it actually is. He almost feels like kicking himself, for how little he knew back then. Really, he hadn't scratched the surface of anything.

Byakuran being helpful is also a weird thing to think about. Especially with how he'd been in that Future. But the idea of multiple Byakurans makes sense.]

I know. I just wish I hadn't had to. It's just weird to think that he was gone like that...

[Not knowing what happened to Byakuran is almost worth than the alternative, of knowing what could have happened. But Tsuna can't bring himself to think that.]

Try focusing on how your day went and looking forward to the next day. Or, you can meditate. That’s usually how I fall asleep.

[He looks sheepish about that, because while Tsuna isn’t having a hard time falling asleep, Gokudera has to rely on tactics like breathing exercises, guided meditation (which should not put him to sleep but it usually does).

Gokudera looks apologetic.]

But you did and it’s changed for the better, Tenth. I’m not saying it was easy. We all know it wasn’t… but you really should be thinking about something else.

Believe me, I want to. I really want to.

Is it weird that I kind of want to talk to Byakuran again? I just...I guess I want to understand.

[Tsuna knew why he had to oppose Byakuran, and he'd do it again without question, but they'd never really tried to see things eye to eye.]

But I'll try what you suggested. I mean, the days here are pretty nice. And thinking about homework usually makes me tired.

[He does believe him, but doesn’t know what else to say that may offer help. Gokudera looks taken aback to hear that his boss wants to talk to Byakuran.]

Oh… No! I mean, it would help? Give you understanding and closure, but I don’t know if something like that is possible…

[Not like they can summon anyone to Avalon.]

I like to think up some sort of schedule I need for the next day [He moves his hand to his mouth, like he’s going to whisper something]

I never remember it when I wake up, anyways.

Yeah, probably not. I guess...it might just be something I have to come to terms with.

[Certainly, he can't really talk with the version he fought, but maybe it'll be something to think about should he return.]

Maybe you need to write it down or something? Unless it's just a way to go to sleep.

It’s become a way to get to sleep, but depending on what I’ve got planned for the next day, sometimes it does more harm than good, and I have to stay up late to write out a full itinerary…

[Whoops.

Gokudera shakes his head.]

But I mean, you can do that or meditate, probably!

I don't know if I've ever been that good at meditating, but the itinerary thing might help with remembering everything for school.

[Though, knowing Tsuna, he might be up late remembering a homework assignment.]

Maybe it just means you have to do a little less.

It’s a good distraction from other troubling thoughts that could inspire dreams like what you’ve been happening. Focus instead on what you can do now and your mind should make more dreams about you being here.

[Or Byakuran showing up in Avalon. That… sounds like a different brand of nightmare considering the Byakuran Tsuna had just recently defeated.]

I do tend to bite off a bit more than I can chew…

[That's actually good advice, and Tsuna is going to take that to heart. Just trying to focus on the now, and try not to worry about Home. Everyone's safe there, and he can't really do anything else about it.

But god forbid Byakuran show up here]

I'll try my best with it. Hopefully it works.

But that means you need to relax to. Otherwise, I'm gonna worry.

[God forbid any of their enemies (even those turned ally), show up in Avalon.]

Oh, I can do both! A rest isn’t as satisfying unless it’s after some hard work, after all.

[He wants to feel as though he’s earned every break he takes.]

[Tsuna's heart couldn't handle that level of chaos.]

Just don't work too hard.

[You're allowed to be lazy!]

Do you mind staying for a bit longer?

You know that’s impossible for me, right?

[Gokudera doesn’t really give himself much opportunity to be lazy or rest. It is a ceaseless grind.]

No. I don’t have anything else planned.

[The downside of him trying to keep so productive is that he often finishes his tasks ahead of schedule. So… time to fixate on this next thing in helping distract his boss so that he won’t be focused on those bad dreams.]

Are you going to try and go back to sleep, or was there something you intended on doing?

[They could… make something together? Honestly, Gokudera is comfortable around Tsuna, and would happily just… read to him. He’s sure if the subject is boring enough, they could both take a very rewarding nap together.]

Yeah, I know.

[Said with a bit of a laugh. He can try though.]

No, I don't think so. I don't really want to. I was thinking of just watching tv or something. Not focusing on anything.

[Gokudera gives him a gentle, fond smile at that acknowledgement and laugh. He doesn’t mind talking with Tsuna… ever. It’s getting more comfortable, probably because he’s trying to treat his boss more like his friend.]

I can watch something with you and we can hang out!

[He’ll probably fall asleep though.]

I'd like that. If there's something you want to watch, go ahead. Otherwise, I might just surf until I find something.

[Maybe something with giant robots. That's about his speed right now.]

That’s fine by me! I don’t watch much of anything, so it’s all interesting.

[But he will inevitably fall asleep and lean on Tsuna, even if he isn’t planning to do so. Gokudera settles down comfortably and looks at his friend with a gentle smile. No expectations for him aside from his company.]

7. un: tsuna27; text

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Idk if you wanna wrap but here have a sleepy Gokudera

<3 we can wrap here