001 - [VIDEO] | UN: HAMMERTIME

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[There's a number of false starts here. The video blipping on to a green eye then cutting out. Then snapping back on to a shock of blue hair.]

How the hell does this thing wo—

[Nope, it's out again.]

[One more time now. The picture is askew and there's a tall, blue-haired man tapping the lens of the camera, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Some of you may recognize him from the training grounds at the Red Spring. He was the one going around asking people to hurt him. You know. Like a crazy person.]

Okay, is it working? Screw it.

So, this thing is some sort of communicator, right? Well, for those of you who can see this, the name's Darin Altway, Master Blacksmith, at your service.

Now, I know we're all here for ~magical~ reasons and whatnot, but if this world is anything like mine, then you guys are gonna need top notch gear to prevent you from.

Y'know.

Dying.

And that's where I come in! Like I said, I'm a Master Blacksmith, and I'm here to offer up my services! I might not have a forge set up, but that doesn't mean I can't perform general maintenance, and if anyone can point me to some resources, I can start stockpiling!

Comments

Re: video

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Wh— Don't call me that! You make me sound like some kind of creep!

video

[prismatically]

That's literally who you are, though! You were going around telling people to kick your ass! What else am I supposed to call you?

[ HOW ABOUT HIS NAME??? ]

Re: video

[forgeabettertomorrow]

That's not even close to who I am! You're making me out to be some sort of weirdo when all I wanted to do was train!

[What the hell was he trying to train then?! And did he forget he introduced himself?!]

video

[prismatically]

Well yeah, you were, but that's not the part that stuck in my head! You just made a really strong first impression! With your ass! Maybe you should've thought about that if you didn't want it to be your brand!

Re: video

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Hey, my ass is great and totally brand-worthy!

[prismatically]

This is exactly what I'm saying! You either don't wanna be the ass guy or you totally think that your ass could be your brand! You can't have it both ways!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Sure I can! I can be perfectly proud of my ass but make it clear that my brand is how I sculpt metal and not how sculpted my ass is!

[prismatically]

[ She just... clutches her head like she's undergoing intense psychic damage. ]

Then why are we still talking about your ass?!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...Why not?

[prismatically]

Oh my God, I was right all along. You really are just the ass guy. Your ass is all you wanna talk about!

[ STELLA YOU STARTED IT ]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

IT'S NOT ALL I WANT TO TALK ABOUT! YOU KEEP BRINGING IT UP! OF COURSE I'M GONNA DEFEND IT!

[prismatically]

Okay. Okay. How about this? On the count of three, we'll both just agree that we're never gonna have a conversation about your ass ever again.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...I can't in good conscience promise that.

[Look, he knows what he's about.]

[prismatically]

Next time you start talking about your ass, I'm just hanging up the phone. Bye, see you later forever. Is that what you want?!

[ stella you have had one (1) prior conversation with this man, that isn't the last resort threat you think it is ]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...Okay, but if I brought it up, I obviously have something amazing to say about it. Wouldn't your curiosity get the better of you?

[...He's not wrong, is he.]

[prismatically]

Unless it has literally grown a new set of legs and run away from you, I don't wanna know!

[ A pause, as she mulls that over. ]

Actually, come to think of it, that could actually happen in this place...

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I could literally lose my ass here?! What the hell?!

[YOU ARE NOT REASSURING HIM]

[prismatically]

Definitely. Probably. [ ... ] Okay, maybe. But that totally sounds like the sort of curse someone would sic on you if they got mad enough! I told you, who knows what sorta spells people can cast here?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

You sure seem to know your curses. Any other advice?

[prismatically]

Yeah. Don't get cursed.

[ She nods sagely. ]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...That's it?

[prismatically]

[ She thinks on it for a moment longer. ]

Carry around countercurse potions just in case.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Why is all your advice about curses?! Have you been cursed?! Can you curse people?!

[prismatically]

[ There's an ominous pause.

Stella just smiles and doesn't say anything. ]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...Oh gods are you some kind of pink witch.