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I have a question, and while I am not sure if anyone has an answer, I suppose it can't hurt to try.

[ And if there is an answer, she's honestly sure it's not good. But it's been keeping her too distracted to do anything akin to what their job here is meant to be, and if it's like that, how is she meant to help her friends at home at all? ]

Has anyone here experienced the loss of a loved one back home, only to have them return once more at a later date?

[ She sighs. Is that even really what she wants to know? The truth is... ]

I suppose a better question would be to ask if anyone knows useful ways of distracting oneself. It has been over a month since my friend disappeared, and yet I find myself distracted and worried for her well-being...

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Everyone leaves you eventually. People are ultimately pretty damn disappointing.

But... sorry about your friend. Must have been a good one if you're still worried.

I used to feel the same way, I think. But then I was lucky enough to meet two people who refused to let me go, even to their own detriment.

I don't think she left by choice. Which leaves me fearful for her. I don't like to think of her frozen in time the way all the others are.

I am sorry too, however. That you have never had someone you could trust to stay by your side.

You know, if my friend were here, she would have just made you her latest project.

I had someone once, but she was taken away. Sometimes when people leave, it isn't by choice, but they still do.

[Her grandmother, and Emil, and him, who's only the barest whisper of a memory now, and somehow that's even more infuriating than if someone had just up and left of their own accord.]

She sounds like a piece of work.

I've had that one happen too.

[ More than once. ]

I'm sorry. I know it's hard being the one left behind. Especially when it wasn't what they wanted either.

Hahaha! She is. She'd say something now about how she wants you to believe in people because people are good, really, you just have to find the right ones.

Everyone deserves a friend. Something like that.

You been on the receiving end of a lot of speeches about friendship?

[Sounds like she's reciting them by heart.]

Knew someone like that. Wanted to strangle him half the time, but he was a good guy.

[Caster was in a foul mood- and reading this only made some fresh wounds sting all the more. So naturally, the correct response in her mind was spitefully lashing out at a stranger on the network- one who's name Gaia might remember.]

dont expect

dont expect them to come back here

fate will always destroy what happinss you have and youre niiave tothink ith wont

[As ever...the more agitated she got, the worse her typing became.]

[ Under any other circumstance, maybe the sharp tone would bother her. After all, if she's reading correctly through all the typing mistakes, Caster is calling her naïve. (It would hardly be the first time the other had felt such a way about her, too, this much she knows for sure.)

But there's something about the way her typing falls apart that makes Gaia frown in something other than anger, a concern shaping her own reply: ]

You've lost someone too, then. From here? Or from home?

[Ouch. That question hit hard. Was it so obvious, that she was grieving?]

home

you?

[ The truthful answer, of course, for either of them, would be "both". A life is not lived without some degree of loss. Gaia has lost people before, and she'll lose people again. But Caster's pain is as palpable as her own, perhaps even more so. And, unless the mage has an incredible mask, it's somehow new. ]

The one who disappeared, she is originally my friend from home, but she was here with me too. To my knowledge, she is alive and well, only frozen in time the way the rest of our worlds are.

[ But in Caster's case... ]

I take it you received bad news from someone who arrived from a different point in time?

[She wasn't sure what would hurt more- to have someone she cared for from home brought here and send away, or to know that back home they'd been killed...

Still, she did at least feel sympathy for this person's loss.]

ifwhat is said about the ojther worlds and theeir fate is true

foryoir sake i hope that she is well there

[It's a little while before she actually responds to the question Gaia asked, but finally she adds: ]

yes
before the trials

[ Of course, Gaia doesn't know what Caster is thinking, but as far as she's concerned, both options are pretty terrible. But to think of the pain that the other must feel, the helplessness... it makes her feel sick to her stomach.

And as usual, she's not sure what to say.

But Ryne would know, wouldn't she? Ryne would be able to help somehow— ]

You must be suffering a lot now. Is there anything I can do to help you?

i dont know

[Not the most helpful answer, sure, but it wasn’t like this stranger could do anything to make the pain stop.]

tell me about your friend

[ Of course that would be Caster's answer. If it were her in such a situation, she is sure that her own reaction would be very similar. Despite their differences, Gaia's determination to reach for the light compared to Caster's seeming happiness to remain shrouded in the dark, she can't help but think that in many ways, they are similar.

After all, it would have been easy for her to leave the conversation there... at least until Caster asked about her friend.

Gaia sighs, but it's with a smile. ]

I'm afraid this will sound terrifically pathetic, but she is the best part of me. She has saved me more times than I care to count, and inspires me to be better.

She is the kind of person who believes that everyone has good in their heart, and from my experience, she is remarkably talented at finding that good, too. Even when it is little more than a mote of light.

[ But oh does the cover of anonymity make things easier. ]

she sounds kind

it takes someone like that to help one find a trace of light when they cant see it themselves

She is.

If she were here now, she would tell you that you'll find a reason to smile again, even if you don't believe it yourself right now.

i don't know if such a thing is possible for me

i hope you see her again

Come back at home, no.

Be around in places like this, yeah. [And also no. But then, he wouldn't wish this kind of bullshit on Miki. She was six.]

Arguably for half my friends I am the lost person, but there's timeline bullshit.

[ For a moment, she's a little confused by the message. And then... ]

It seems my wording was somewhat awkward. I did mean... well, here.

But you say "places"? Are there more such places of which I am unaware?

I was stuck in one for a while before this. Wouldn't be surprised if there are more.

I wonder if that world - or any such other - is also frozen, the way our own are.

[ After all, it seems to be a problem spanning even over alternative realities and timelines, given her own experience with inhabitants of - and visitors to - the First. ]

Are you concerned for the friends you made in that place?

One of 'em beat me here, two were already gone, and one... can probably science her way out of anything, at this point. [Thorne's just Like That.

He's also not getting into the difference between Minako and Kotone, because it's not Kotone's fault and he won't make it her problem.]

Depends on how this place's bullshit interacts with Liminal Space's. I still haven't ruled out this shit being a knock-on effect of people in Liminal killing one of the beings in charge because they wanted to see if they could.

[If it's unrelated, he could see the Arcana banding together to keep their little clump of worlds out of it as much as possible - obviously not perfectly, since he and Shiro are here, but still. If it is related... well, this is why killing a personification of chaos and disastrous change is a bad idea.]

[ She frowns. ]

Assuming that Liminal Space was the name of the last world in which you were trapped, how would that event have affected people not part of it, such as myself? Unless you're suggesting that what happened somehow spread its effects through the different timelines and realities...

[ Ugh, it makes her head hurt; it's a feeling that she may be used to, but still isn't entirely welcome. ]

I'm not intending to be difficult.

[ For once. ]

I keep company with those who have traversed worlds, and yet I still struggle to fathom it sometimes.

Liminal Space was just where they kept us between things. The whole point was world-hopping bullshit so a bunch of godlike beings could play a cosmic board game and see which one of 'em got to redefine the universe. [So yeah, the kind of thing that easily could ripple out and affect uninvolved worlds.

(It'd be nice if he was wrong, if this doesn't have anything to do with Tower's extinction burst at all, but Shinji's not holding his breath. Hope is quite literally a thing that happens to other people.)]

It gets messy fast at the best of times. This ain't exactly the best of times.

[ World-hopping bullshit, godlike beings playing cosmic board-games, redefining the universe...

Another frown. ]

Interesting. A similar story makes up the history of my home world.

I wonder if perhaps there is any relation.

( ooc: as a side-note, if they continue on this train of discussion, there's a chance that she may get into Final Fantasy XIV 5.4 spoiler territory! would you prefer me to avoid potential spoilers? ♥ )

Got anyone hanging around that you know of that pulls their archetypes from fortune-telling cards, or maybe the cards pull from them? Some real chicken-egg shit going on at that angle, but either way. If not, it's probably different shit for you.

[Probably. He wouldn't rule out the overlap, though. The Arcana are slippery fuckers like that.]

(OOC: I don't play FFXIV, so I don't care about spoilers personally. Worth marking 'em for other people, but spill whatever beans would naturally be spilled!)

If they return, you ought to cherish the time you have together. You never know when it may run out.

[ The Architect. Faded though her memories are, the title rings a bell, although not enough of one to recognize the person who has responded to her as of yet. His message, however, makes her lips curl in a wry smile. ]

Unfortunately, time is rather fond of running out when it comes to my loved ones.

[ She wrinkles her nose in distaste. ]

That sounded far more woeful than I meant.
Although I do suppose it wouldn't hurt to cherish them a little more.

Outlived more than one, have you? My condolences.

I have no advice save that the loss never feels less keen. 'Twould be hypocritical of me to offer more.

I have. But when they returned it was not under the best circumstances.

[Like how he was actually alive but possessed by the spirit of an enemy who wanted to destroy the world.]

As for distractions... That will very from person to person. For me, it was putting all my effort into a duty I was charged with after I had lost him.

[ And there it is. Something she hasn't even though about: timelines. After all, if Emet-Selch can be here, and she can be here at the same time, with these memories...

Deep breaths. There's no need to panic yet; perhaps the anonymous person meant something entirely different. ]

I will take that advice under consideration.
But may I ask: under what kind of circumstances did they return?

[Rose wasn't sure how to word her answer. There were some details she didn't wish to discuss with anyone.]

He was possessed, and let's leave it at that.

Considering such a thing happened and I was the 'lost one' back home, my suggestion in such a case is to practice your powers. As perfecting them is both useful in general and a never-ending question, it should provide you with all the distraction you need.

I appreciate your advice. It is well-needed, too; I have yet to find a solid mastery over either of my magic types here. They are similar in many ways to my own powers, but just different enough that they are somewhat unwieldy. More practice would benefit me greatly.

You have been lost before?

There is also the benefit of finally managing to do something you could not before with your skills as well.

Ahhh...'lost' is putting it lightly. One could argue I might have died twice. Of course, the jury is still out there. I'm not quite sure myself.

I suppose I had not thought of it that way. There are certainly capabilities to the magic here that my native magic did not, to my knowledge, have...

[ Her brows lift in response to the second part of the text, and the rest of her reply more halting. ]

You are... not sure of your own death?

[ Even her memory isn't that bad... ]

Are you... reincarnated, then?

It's a rather pathetic story in some parts...

[He can't help but laugh at it all.]

I don't think so. Although someone claims to have brought me back because it was another's desire...a man who wanted a world with no pain or suffering but all under his thumb...and there is nothing more that I hate than being controlled. Even if it meant I would disappear once we defeated him and the timeline returned to normal.

[ Brought back to life for another's desire... a world with no pain or suffering... a shudder runs down her spine. The similarities are... ]

So you resolved to defeat that man, even if it meant your own death?

[ She sends the message, and then after a few moments of thought, a second one follows: ]

I can understand why you would make that choice.

Correct. Honestly I was more afraid of the person I was 'brought back to life' for not wanting this possibility. Fortunately, he didn't disappoint me.

[This is as much of an acknowledgement that Akechi will do of Akira's resolution.]

Were you in a similar situation?

I was. In my case...

[ How does she even begin to put that history into words? ]

I have also died before. I have very little memory of my past self, but my companion waited for me, and strove to awaken those memories so that I would rejoin him. After all the pain we had experienced, he wanted to reduce time to a single, perfect moment where we could dwell for eternity.

I believe my past self wanted the same. But the person I am now wanted to live outside the shackles of that past.

Forever frozen in time in 'perfect harmony' then?

Interesting then, so in a way, you were given a new start, with only glimpses of who you were before.

Exactly. The perfect balance of tranquility and harmony.

That is how it should have been, yes. His connection to my past self nearly changed that situation quite drastically. But my friend refused to give up on me, and so I was freed of his influence.

[ Which, of course, resulted in his death, a point on which Gaia has rather mixed feelings. ]

Edited 2021-05-31 18:41 (UTC)

i wish i knew. i'm sorry about your friend
it gets easier, eventually, but in a place like this...? i don't know

i'm the lost one, and i've lost people before
so i can guess how you must be feeling

Um... It might not be exactly the case, but I had a dear friend, whom I loved very, very much, all my life — um, until a little over three years ago... We had to stop talking. But— he came back into my life by coincidence, and after three years apart, we've reconnected. Before that, though, I learned that, whatever it was I felt for him, it's okay to keep those feelings in my heart, that even if they're locked away, my happy memories with him aren't gone, aren't stained blue from missing him... I can cherish those times while still cherishing the present. It doesn't need to be mournful. Even if we didn't end up being friends again, I could still hold that truth somewhere special deep down. It's not letting go, it's not moving on, it's just— the story continuing.

no
not yet
but i recently learned it happens in my future

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text | anonymous

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Please excuse phone tags :)

you're a darling ♥

<3 <3 <3

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text | un: Helios

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[thearchitect]

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text: anonymous

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text: detective

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marking for ffxiv 5.4 spoilers~!

woops belated persona 5 royal spoilers too haha

me, having played p5r too much: wait what spoilers? lol

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voice; un: pinkparfait

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