avalononline | Video; UN: smoking

Entry tags:

Video; UN: smoking_bomb

[The device clicks on to show Gokudera sitting at a window and touching the leaves of a grape plant, looking calm and thoughtful before he speaks up.]

I’ve been asleep for a few weeks. While I was asleep, I went back home, and then to two different worlds, and now I’m back. I’ve been away from this place for two... no maybe three years. Time is acting strange, or maybe my familiar, Larry thought that I’d benefit more here with more experience under my belt.

[He glares gently at a semi-transparent reptile sleeping on the window sill.]

Has anyone else left this world for-

[Gokudera winces and puts a hand to the half choke collar around his neck. The skin beneath it is obviously damaged and irritated.] -such a long span of time, only to come back here and find that it was like... you never left at all? I’ve been to Anchor and Amoi, if anyone else has... let me know.

Also, in one of those worlds, I had this put on me. [He keeps his hand on the collar.]

I think it’s malfunctioning. The only person who can deactivate and remove it safely is... not here yet. So in the meantime, I need it repaired or at least looked at by someone with advanced technological experience.

[Gokudera moves to turn off the feed, and his left hand is lightly scarred, but more important in the visual is the engagement ring on his ring finger.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Gokudera is hanging around the training grounds, but closer to the forest. He waves back at Poison and approaches her, looking very much the same as when he'd last been on Anchor. It's not like he had many outfits or anything on that world. That, and he'd just woken up like this. He's still sort of reeling about the trip.]

Sorry... for getting upset with you...

[She'd been ready to leap back into bickering with him, with how he'd been on the network, but the apology effectively disarms her and she just sighs, shaking her head.]

It's all right. I was... in a bad mood when I got here, too. [For wildly different reasons, but she understands that you can't always control how you act.]

Let's sit down somewhere.

Understandable. [Honestly, it is. He's not sure how many worlds Poison has been on aside from Avalon, but it's not pleasant. It's disorienting, and he knows he was in the wrong for taking his emotions out on her. He can control himself, he believes, and he got caught up in his own shitty mood.]

At least now it's not just me or you from that planet... How long were you even in Anchor?

[He leads them to sit under a tree, off out of the way of the training grounds and not quite in the forest. It's peaceful.]

Mm, I'm not sure. It was hard to measure time there. But I think... almost a year and a half.

[She puffs out a breath of air as she sits down, and looks up at the rustling leaves for a few moments. Finding someone who actually knows you in these places never quite stops being close to overwhelming.]

And I am fine. As much as I can be. I wasn't lying.

And you'd been to another world before then, aside from your home?

[Gokudera isn't trying to overwhelm her, but he is trying to affirm with himself that he isn't alone in this awful twist of being spirited to worlds too many times over. Once is enough. It's so disorienting.]

Okay. How?

How?

[She frowns slightly at him, not quite understanding the line of questioning.]

How have I been to so many other worlds, or how can I claim to be 'fine'?

How can you claim to be fine when you have been to so many worlds?

[It's beyond him. He'd have to settle himself in each time, and it's already been too much.]

[She sighs, giving a small shake of her head.]

I think I'm just used to it. This is the fourth time, and I can see the patterns. It's a different world, but the situation isn't so different. [And she shrugs slightly.]

I'm less worried about dying here, so that's been nice.

What do you mean 'the situation isn't so different' as in... we have to save the world somehow?

[He asks, seeming a lot less bothered now that he has a better understanding of how she's handling this new place. It is peaceful, he'll give it that.]

Oh, you know... Pulled into a strange world with strange magic, with a mysterious and enigmatic 'authority' that will give you just enough information to make sure most people help them when they ask, but not enough that anyone can actually leave.

[She raises both eyebrows at Gokudera for a moment.]

And they always want the 'off-worlders' to help with whatever catastrophe is happening. Like there's something special about us.

I suppose you're right.

There is something special about us. You notice we can use our devices to pay and chat and everything? Not once have I seen a native of New Camelot use the devices. Except for maybe the mysterious and enigmatic authority. Although I have seen the King on the network. He does actually respond to us.

But it does make sense, what you're saying...

I don't want to make it into some kind of conspiracy theory.

[She waves her hand slightly to dismiss any notion of that.] I'm just saying... the similarities are there. I've seen it. That's why it doesn't bother me as much anymore.

Sounds like a legitimate one, though...

[He's a fan of conspiracies, though. Boo don't dismiss it.]

Wish I could get to that point. [He feels like he needs to be smoking multiple cigarettes. It's so hard not let this bother him.]

I don't think it's normal to get to this point.

[Poison frowns, and she isn't looking at him as she says that. She's gazing out across the training ground, watching the few people currently hard at work on their powers.

She shakes her head.]

Sometimes, I think about everything I've lost and left behind, and I feel nothing. I should be sad, or angry, I think. But I'm not.

It sounds like some kind of depression or something. Going numb like that...

I'm still sad. I've met people that have been to other worlds, but not as many. After a while, it can't hurt as much any more and it's not like any of us can make it stop. It's easier to accept it and just keep doing what we can.

[He says that but keeps having breakdowns every time he sees Yamamoto. Because that's a very very important relationship just suddenly... not anything anymore.]

Gokudera...

[She reaches out a hand to touch his arm, but stops just short of making contact. Something tells her to be gentle about it, especially given what she knows of the world he has just been spat out of (and what it means for his view of her, no matter how much he might know that she isn't going to cause him harm).

Rather than touch him, she turns her hand over and offers it for him to take.]

Someone told me there was a term for it, once. For everything I feel. Why I react the way I do to places like this... It's 'PTSD'.

[Gokudera watches as she moves her hand, and he tenses, but does not flinch away. It's a common reflex, but one he's working on. He then looks at the offered hand and takes it. His own hands are cold despite the warm weather, but his grip is firm.]

Is this going to be a new normal? To just accept it. I know nothing can be done, but... my boss he... I don't want him to know that this stupid thing on my neck....

Takeshi took it off, and I was free. Now I'm back to being a... a runaway slave... I... if I try to take it off, that's it. The only reason it came off last time was because of the zombies. I left him because I died and... I can't stop this guilt that I left him again... even if Yamamoto is here...

[It's kept him up several nights, and he's considering moving away to avoid the pain of trying to carry on with a Yamamoto who has no idea how much he loves him.]

[When he takes her hand she smiles a soft, gentle smile that no one else here has seen and clasps her other hand over the top of his.]

There must be a way to take it off. The-- ... the fairies. Maybe they know a way.

[And she knows that she could bargain with them to get them to do it. Something she keeps to herself for the moment, still irritated by being gifted that power.

Then her expression softens again and she shakes her head. Those kinds of thoughts have crossed her mind too. If she's been left behind so many times, it only stands to reason that she's left people behind too. Is there another version of herself still living in Anchor? Or do the handful of people left there have no idea where she's gone?

She doesn't like to think about it.]

I think... one way or another, it needs to be faced eventually. [She squeezes his hand.] How we feel about... everything. I don't want to be numb anymore. I can't tell you how to move forward, but I can tell you that... being like this... that hurts too.

[And she knows it's not the same, but she says it anyway.]

I miss-- I miss Peter. So much. Like there's a hole in my chest where he was. So I think I understand how you feel at least a little.

I have nothing but sweets to offer them. This isn't just some small task. Poison, if this is tampered with, it will sever my head.

[But he could be wrong about what the fairies are even capable of. There's a possibility they could shrink his head, and the collar could slide right off. Gokudera's not thinking about that, but hey... that are probably a tone of possibilities he hasn't even tried to consider, just so hung up on the fact that he's bearing this pain and so many others associated with Yamamoto. Who is oblivious and would be upset at him for keeping him in the dark.]

It does... It's... all of it hurts.

[Hearing her mention Peter, he knows they're not from the same world. Takeshi had talked about everyone in Anchor a lot. Poison runs an even shorter risk of having those feelings. He can at least see Yamamoto and know he's well... even if it's not his Takeshi. Gokudera feels he's been incredibly selfish, looks down at their hands and then clears his throat.]

So... I don't mean anything weird by it, but it might do us both some good. Do you want a hug?

[It feels like such a monumental question, but she's holding his hand, and he wants to be more supportive... show that he can think of someone aside from himself. There's no reason either of them has to be alone in this pain.]

[Poison hasn't talked about Peter at all. Not to a single person since she arrived here. There are others she misses too of course. Ami, Carlisle, even Qubit, but Peter had worked his way into a special place in her heart and her life and not having him hurts.

She barely hears what Gokudera says over the peculiar ringing in her ears as she shoves down the urge to cry, but when she looks up it's with a telling shine to her eyes.]

I do. I'd like that a lot.

[And she doesn't really waste a moment in wrapping her slim arms around his shoulders, moving onto her knees to do so and curling her fingers into the back of his shirt. She tucks her chin against the curve of his neck and lets a few hot tears fall where he can't see.]

[Gokudera offers her a kind smile in return and looks around, his usual sort of paranoia making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, bumps litter his arms. He's scared of this physical affection. But almost as soon as he feels her tuck against him, he calms down. Gokudera takes some calming breaths and wraps his arms around her, one stroking her back gently. He can feel her cry, something in her breath gives it away, but he won't call attention to it.]

If you ever need anything... Just let me know and I'll do anything I can to help you. It means a lot to me that... even if this hurts and is scary, neither of us are alone. Okay? You're not alone and you don't have to be.

[He needs to hear it as much as he needs to say it.]

[She's barely been touched since she got here, hasn't let anyone close and certainly hasn't hugged anybody. Of all people to be the first she hadn't expected this one, but as she very gently leans her weight into the hug she knows that this is exactly what she needs right now.

Poison lets her head rest on his shoulder for a minute before she shifts back out of his hold. She quickly scrubs a few tear-tracks from her face and is silently grateful that he didn't draw attention to her crying.]

You're a good friend, Gokudera. [She tells him with a small smile.] And I want to be there for you too. Any time you need me.

[Gokudera lets her go, but there is a small part of him, the childish part that feels like it never got to experience that warmth that cried out. He watches her and then gently shakes his head.]

Far from it...

[Shy and modest as ever.]

It's enough just having someone else with me. [He may need the company as much as her.]

[She keeps hold of his hand when she sits back, and despite everything she does find herself feeling a little calmer. Sometimes you only need one firm thread to hold on to and right now he's managing to give her that.]

I don't call people my friends easily. Especially not anymore. [Growing up, her only friend had been an eccentric man called Fleet who lived in the village, but often left to journey the lands outside the marshes. She hadn't found out just where he was going until much later.]

But it does help, I think... to have someone who knows what you're going through. It's so tiring trying to explain it.

[Gokudera doubts he'll be going anywhere. He isn't even inclined to get up, but just to stay sitting right here and keep Poison company. He hums at her words and gives a gentle nod. He doesn't call anyone a friend easily, but... he's been through enough that relationships don't feel like traps. He doesn't like to let people close, and especially not after his experiences in Amoi.

But Poison is relatable company, and she is kind. His hand stays in hers, eyes focusing on that hold.]

It is. Thanks... for listening to me.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject