voice; un: stranger

[eightfoldfiend]

(cw: sickness and the frustrated war devil will probably be saying gross, violent things in comments.)


[A guttural wheeze.]

If one more person tells me--

[Sneeze.]

--that I need to calm down and learn to be human I'll burn this whole city to the ground.

[This has been a PSA.]

Comments

[eightfoldfiend]

....What does rain have to do with anything?

[notquitetamed]

A shitty human weakness called exposure. Certain types of weather extremes can weaken if you're out in them too long.

[eightfoldfiend]

I knew humans could die if they spent too long in a desert or a frozen tundra but...rain?

[notquitetamed]

What you got isn't going to kill you, but you might wish it before it goes away.

[eightfoldfiend]

Of course it's not going to kill me!

I will not fall to something as stupid as this--

[A very loud sneeze and a clatter as he drops the phone.]

It's foul magic is what it is.

Someone has cursed me.

[notquitetamed]

[More laughter because damn this is just too funny. He's worse than a little kid. Hawk just can't even give any sort of response besides it because this is too funny.]

[eightfoldfiend]

Are you...laughing at me?

That's it, you're at the top of my death list now.

Just wait until I can properly breathe without wheezing again! The streets of Camelot will flow red with your blood.

By the time I'm done with you, you'll--

[Another loud sneeze and incoherent rambling.]


--until dead.

You'll have to eat through your pant leg.

cw: mentjons of death

[notquitetamed]

[More laughter.] Not sure how I'll be eating anything when dead. Won't even have a corpse for you to animate either.

[eightfoldfiend]

[Frustrated yowling noises.]

The death list gets longer by the moment.

I'll have to raze Avalon itself to make sure I don't miss anyone.

[notquitetamed]

Well first you're going to need to get over that cold of yours. Kind of hard to kick my ass if you keep on sneezing and you know I'm not going down without a fight.

[eightfoldfiend]

Damn you.

It's not a cold, why won't people stop saying that?

I'm not cold. I'm hot.

[notquitetamed]

It's the name of the illness that is the most likely cause of your symptoms, that's why. I ain't no doctor, but I was human for a couple of decades before being cursed so I might have personal experience and may have been just as miserable of a patient with it as you're being.

[eightfoldfiend]

...Then the illness called "cold" makes you feel like you are on fire?

That doesn't make any sense!.

Is there no end to the senseless idiocy of humanity!?

[notquitetamed]

It probably comes from the fact that many get it from exposure to cold and wet conditions rather than what symptoms it has, but who knows. A lot of human stuff makes no sense to us even, we just learn the terms and roll with it so we understand what others talk about.

[eightfoldfiend]

"Us"?

...Sometimes I wonder if you miss being human.

[notquitetamed]

As if. I just am expected to be able to pass as human if I wanted to remain not in jail.

[eightfoldfiend]

Hah!

Good.

Because you are no gray human to me.

You're Feral Hawk.

[He's thinking of the version of Hawk he'd encountered in their shared dream.]

[notquitetamed]

You can just call me Hawk, you know. I'm still a Monstrum and still got my wings that haven't been clipped yet.

[eightfoldfiend]

Why would I call you simply "Hawk" when it's the Feral part that is most ...interesting?

[A sneeze.]

Tamed animals don't cause chaos after all but wild beasts do.

[notquitetamed]

I'd not need to call a lion or bear feral for you to know it's a wild beast. Needing to mention it implies that I can be tamed.

[eightfoldfiend]

And you can't be, is that right? Is that a promise?

[A lilt enters his wheezing voice. It's all intended as a compliment even if he had threatened to kill Hawk just a minute earlier in this same conversation.]

I'd hate to see you become boring.

[notquitetamed]

[Hawk honestly took the threats as compliments that his insult hit the mark. Of course a fellow predator would get this and understands that it's not about accepting changes, it's about learning one's weaknesses and how to ensure they will not hinder.]

Coming here ain't changing a damn thing besides my strategies in battle.

cw: gross description of cold symptoms

[eightfoldfiend]

[Yuber is about to make a comment regarding that but is interrupted by a fit of sneezing that he finishes with a strangled shriek.]

IT'S SO STICKY!

Why do these bodies make so many fluids?

cw: mention of blood

[notquitetamed]

The same could be said about the blood we so enjoy shedding.

You know what really helps with the congestion? Something really really spicy.

[eightfoldfiend]

Hmm...

[Rustling and creaking as he rolls out of bed, followed by more rustling.]

Spicy.

What foods are spicy?