un: q.103

[monostich]

Ah, hello.

[The video opens to Kaede - pale and thin as ever - in a room that's recognizable as one of the inn rooms. He looks nervous, but to anyone who's seen him before that's... That's about how he always looks.

After a moment, he sighs.]

I've been wondering this for a while - sometimes there are requests to kill someone, but some people seem opposed to doing things like that, and I just... Don't understand why? Is it really so wrong to end someone's life if that's what you're told to do?

[What do you mean people have moral codes????]

I'm sure this is obvious to most people, but it's been... Bothering me. Is killing such a bad thing? Are there really people here who haven't done that before?

[...]

A-anyways, that's all I was wondering but, ah, you don't have to feel obligated to answer! I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Comments

[monostich]

[He's quiet for a long moment, after listening to Maruki talking. Eventually, he speaks up, not able to look Maruki in the eyes.]

They weren't opinions. They were facts.

[It's as simple as that, in the end. It's the unchangeable truth that Kaede has never been and never will be something that deserves the freedoms he's been given. He should be back there, with everyone else, not here.

It would be easier, if he was still in the facility. So much easier.]

[snaccs]

( ... oh. Maruki is silent for a moment at that, staring at Kaede, sadness twisting his expression. it's too harsh a life for anyone, if you ask him, and something that can't be fixed by simple posts on the network attempting to understand very complex theories.

well, he'll have to do his best to help. )

I see. That would make a transition like this difficult. Your world view has been shaped in a unique way. ( a wrong way, if he's more blunt about it.

hm. he could ask about what Kaede would want, but he's getting the feeling that he wouldn't get much of an answer there. ) Put another way, you've followed strict guidance your entire life, and now you feel as though you're untethered, is that right? And other people, with their inherent contradictions, offer no real guidance.

[monostich]

[He nods, stiffly, still looking down at his knees. He doesn't know how to explain himself, how to get Maruki to understand everything that happened to him when it was what he deserved.

He... Will start at the beginning, he supposes.]

I... Was the fifth one made, over twenty years ago. The fifth success. The four that came before me have all been culled by now, because they... Ended up as failures. I don't know how all of them failed, but they weren't good enough. Their results weren't good enough.

[He releases his death grip on his pants, hand running up his arm as he curls in on himself.]

They gave us numbers, based on how many experiments we completed successfully. Some lasted for years, because they were looking for effects in the long term. Most failed after twenty or thirty. Some made it to forty or fifty. Some never made it to their first, because they ended up wrong.

[...]

But none of us knew what we were doing wrong. What we were failing at. All we knew is that if someone acted a certain way, we wouldn't see them again. If someone couldn't perform well, we wouldn't see them again. If they didn't follow instructions, we wouldn't see them again. And now... Now I'm expected to just... Not do what I'm told, because it's not right? I don't - I don't know that I can.

(':

[snaccs]

( oh.

oh his heart is breaking for this young man. this is so far beyond anything that his studies covered as even being possible in his world that approaching it with anything close to conventional wisdom or tactics is difficult at best.

he's quiet for a while longer than he's like to be, looking at Kaede with warmth and sorrow swimming in his expression. )

... I have to admit, I've never heard of a case like yours. ( there's no point hiding that, he thinks. ) But I have some ideas that might help.

( whether they're good ideas is another question entirely. )

Is there anyone here you're close to? Someone you spend time with? ( he's going to avoid the word trust here, because... well. ) You could ask them to assist you in decision making. It could even be me if you're comfortable with that. I think you would also benefit from seeing me for regular sessions, if that's something you'd be interested in. We could work on discovering your own moral compass and talk about things you've encountered here.

( this is gonna be a lot of work, but Maruki is willing to do it. )

wheezes

[monostich]

[Kaede stares straight ahead, thinking over what Maruki is saying before he responds. There are people he knows here, certainly, but…

Would any of them want to make decisions for him?

He can’t imagine Kate would be on board, and he definitely doesn’t want to imagine the sort of things Rei would decide for him - or anyone else, for that matter.

He’s… Not even sure he wants that, to begin with.

He presses his lips together.]

What will a session entail?

[snaccs]

( well, that's a good sign. he's willing to try it out, which means he's open to growing. )

Typically, a patient comes in and talks to me about anything that's on their mind. That could be things that have happened at work or school, or something that's bothering them. In your case, we would also focus on exploring decision making and expressing opinions in a safe environment.

... Does that sound alright with you?

( is that a first decision making test? perhaps. )

[monostich]

Is that really all there is to it?

[It seems... Simple. Could something like talking really help him understand things? Could it really make him better? Could it actually change him?]

Does that really work?

[Did he pass the test,]

[snaccs]

Fundamentally. As long as you put in the work by practicing any exercises I give you outside of our sessions, you should see some changes.

( he has faith in you, Kaede, you can do it! )

[monostich]

[...

After a moment, he nods.]

Okay. I think I can do that.

[snaccs]

( look, Kaede, you unlocked a cute Maruki smile! )

Great! How about we start next week?

( oh, and before he forgets; ) Are there any snacks you like?