avalononline | [Text; UN: DemonsandSugar]

Xue Yang...

[ There are so many things he could say. But all the memories suddenly in his head...

'I'm cold', he wants to say, because he is. But when isn't he? He knows that answer too.

It's all in his voice as is. The confusion. The pain. The heartbreak. The soulbreak. But then he sighs quietly and love enters too. ]

I'm coming. We do not have to face this alone. We shouldn't. It's...too much.

[He's suffocating. He wants to run to him. He wants to run from him. Xiao Xingchen is alive! His heart sings, but then he remembers lying in the mud, his arm somewhere...else. The pain had been intense, but nothing compared to the agony of realization.

Xiao Xingchen is lost to him.

Duplicity passes in a blur, like a dream and he feels like he can't hold onto it. The arm Song Zichen cut from him feels numb - nonexistent - and he drags in a sharp breath, remembering each stab wound. The only time it doesn't hurt is when...

Is when...]

My daozhang... My A-Chen...

Are you coming? Truly?

[ A dream. A wonderful, horrible, strange dream. That's what Duplicity was. Xingchen remembers the betrayals he's encountered - Xue Yang's, his own, Huaisang's...all of it. He remembers dying.

He remembers waking back up. Able to see but too afraid and sore to want to look. He remembers the only time he felt like he wasn't about to shake apart...was with his A-Yang.

He shudders and Xiu burrows tighter around his neck, purring hard to try and help him. He takes a shaky breath as he pushes himself on. He doesn't need to ask where his A-Yang is - the path seems emblazed in his heart. Their connection. ]

Yours. We promised...forever. Remember?

Yes, A-Yang. I'm coming.

[The tree he climbed is just on the edge of the forest and it's the only place where he feels like he can breathe deep. He had fallen down when the memories hit and there is a bruise on his cheek from the impact with the floor. A day had passed... Then he awoke to Ying nuzzling and licking his face.

She's still trying to comfort him, poor girl. But he can't move. He feels like he is rooted to the tree and even the idea that Xingchen is coming to him makes him tremble.]

I promised. And I meant it. [How can a man like him mean it?] I feel like I'm in pieces.

[ And so Xingchen had woken alone, aside from Xiu. But he's not angry with his poor husband. He understands.

He nuzzles sweet Xiu, rubbing fingers against her chin as he walks swiftly to the forest. ]

I meant it too. I'll say my vows all over again, here, if that will help.

[ It still takes...a while. For him to reach that tree. But he has his thick cloak...big enough for two. ]

It hurts...doesn't it? [ A pain he knows intimately.

But finally he's there, peering up into the branches. ]

A-Yang? ...I'm cold. [ Finally he admits it, for Xue Yang's ears alone. ]

[Ying tells Xingchen and Xiu of her worries loudly, running to greet them when they appear. Xue Yang isn't sure he can move - his throat feels tight and his mouth is dry.

It hurts...doesn't it?

Yes! Every inch of him wails, his regret so great that it feels like a sword lodged permanently in his chest. Yet a sword won't stop him from reacting to that sweet voice below.

Cold...? He pries himself free of his little hell and leaps down, his legs barely holding him. He wears no cloak and he has no ability to warm anyone, but he can't say no to trying.

Because Xiao Xingchen is asking him.]

A-Chen... [Step after stumbling step, he closes the space between them and opens his arms.]

[ For once, he can't find a smile. Not even for sweet Ying. Xiu quietly chatters at her friend, sharing her own worry.

He knows how to reach his A-Yang. A breath escapes him when those arms open after the other stumbles to the ground, feels his own legs starting to crumble. He reaches in answer, curling into those sheltering arms with a shudder and knowing they'll probably end up on the ground. But that's alright.

He manages to get the cloak around them both before burrowing against his A-Yang and holding on tight. ]

I'm here, love.

[And they do crumble. Ying is quick to grab her friend, moving her out of harm's way and onto her fluffy back. Xue Yang meanwhile does all he can to cushion their fall with his body. A few more bruises, a broken bone... He will give all of himself to have Xiao Xingchen back.

The contact with the cloak makes him gasp, remembering...warmth. He can feel his arms...and his legs again...]

Are you in pain? [He loosens the death grip his fingers have on Xingchen's robe and he begins to caress the soft fabric.]

Edited 2022-02-27 15:29 (UTC)

[ Xiu seeks that refuge with an unhappy squeak.

Xingchen just doesn't care as long as those protective arms are around him and Xue Yang breathes. He tucks himself in close and manages to rub a hand over his love's back. Bruises, yes. But no more broken bones. He strokes over the arm he knows Xue Yang had lost. ]

Not anymore.

[ Not where it matters. He nudges his nose to Xue Yang's neck and breathes in deep, using the familiar scent to steady himself along with those arms and the familiar feel of them pressing together. ]

You fell...I'm sorry. Are you hurt?

[Ying settles herself nearby and licks over Xiu's ears.

Xue Yang won't let go of him - even if his arms are severed from his body again! There is a new fire in his eyes and he curls himself around his husband - his husband - and reassures himself Xingchen is in one piece. Breathing... Heart beating...]

I don't remember running. It...wasn't your fault. [His hands rise to stroke back Xingchen's hair and brush his fingertips across his neck.] You know I'm tough.

[Physically anyway.]

I need to get you home.

[ Xiu nuzzles her friend, though her gaze remain fixed on her human.

Xingchen feels himself relax bit by bit as those limbs wrap tight around him. He presses a kiss to the strong pulse in his husband's neck. ]

And you know I will always find you. Just as you will always find me.

[ He hums quietly under those loving fingers and takes a steadier breath. He knows Xue Yang won't find any mark on his neck, but he doesn't mind them looking for any injuries. ]

You are my home, A-Yang.

[Ying sets her focus on Xiu, knowing her human is where he needs to be. Well...almost. The humans need to be inside somewhere. That would be best.

Those soft lips send a shiver through him and he lays his head back, offering himself. What does he have to hide anymore?]

You're not...disgusted? With me?

[Treating Xingchen roughly just feels...wrong. However his embrace does tighten as he finds his strength. Not for himself, but for his husband.]

You'll freeze out here. [He lifts them up with a groan and secures his arm under Xingchen's back and legs. His daozhang walked all this way for him; he will walk them back.]

[ Soon.

Xingchen slowly peppers kisses and nuzzles over that neck and throat, reminding them both of the love between them.

His head might feel jumbled up and a bit confused by everything he remembers now. But his heart knows where it belongs. ]

Knowing what happened...hurts. But it does not change my love for you.

[ The groan as his husband gets them up to his feet has him adjust his hold...and reach for the power he remembers from before he'd slept. Reaches for it, and presses strength into his beloved, to help bolster the natural strength Xue Yang has. ]

Not when I have you with me. The cold can't reach me in your arms.

[Their love is heady - like drinking wine too fast - but it's the one thing that keeps him sane. With it, with his daozhang, there isn't anything he can't do. That certainty is what gets him to his feet, Xingchen cradled against his chest.

Of course the power he is given helps and he nuzzles their heads together, his eyes half-closed.]

I love you too. [He smiles at the many, many good memories they share. He wants to make more. Today. Right now. His steps carry them to their home and he only pauses now and then to catch his breath and whisper something only meant for Xingchen's ears.]

Then I won't put you down.

Edited 2022-02-27 16:47 (UTC)

[ Their love keeps Xingchen from shaking apart. From freezing.

He can feel their sweet familiars following at their heels when Xue Yang gets them moving. And finally he finds a small grin and kisses over those expressive eyes. He trusts he won't be dropped, though is generous in giving his power of healing into bolstering Xue Yang's strength. It's still a fairly long walk back to their home.

It doesn't matter though. He lets his husband's voice wrap around him, warming his heart and soul. Each whisper earns Xue Yang a kiss to his cheek. ]

I know you won't, love.

[He knows intimately what it feels like to be in pieces. To lack the will to live. With Xingchen, who is kind enough to see beyond his atrocities, he is whole.

Ying trots with Xiu on her back. It's a good thing raccoon dogs are accustomed to traveling long distances! She will want some warm food, water and her bed when they get home, however.

Xue Yang has never felt anything softer than Xingchen's lips. He turns his head when they are halfway home, kissing the other man firmly.]

I'm glad you remembered to take a cloak. [Trudging up a small hill, he glances back at Ying, smiling tiredly.] Good girl.

[ They both do. Xingchen had simply taken it one step further and made it so he wouldn't have to live.

Except he'd been brought back, and Xue Yang had managed to help him find that will to live again.

Xiu licks at Ying's ears in thanks and makes sure to cover as much of her friend with her warm fur as she can. They both deserve warm food, water, and their comfy beds!

Xingchen sighs into the kiss, eyes fluttering closed as he meets it without shying away. He smiles wryly, glancing over his husband's shoulder at their familiars. ]

A-Xiu helped remind me.

[And that had been the saddest day of his life.

That had also been the day he had felt regret so keen that it began to change him. He just didn't know how until he saw Xingchen again. Then it had been simple: take care of him.

Ying wiggles her ears and makes a soft reassuring sound. Her friend is safe.

The little sigh gives him all the reason he needs to press forward. Xingchen's kiss is warm on his lips and he knows he has this man's love.]

She's sweet. [Like A-Chen. Xue Yang quickens his steps when home is in sight and hurries them inside, keeping the door open for their precious familiars.]

Edited 2022-02-27 17:35 (UTC)

[ A horrible day.

And yet, because of it, they'd managed to find healing together in Duplicity. There's a part of him that can't completely regret it. Xue Yang has given him so many happy memories. So many reasons not to regret their intimate bond. Their love.

Xiu snuggles with a soft little chirr.

Xingchen hums in agreement and kisses his beloved again. Then they're home, and inside, and he watches as Ying carries Xiu inside before nuzzling his husband's ear. ]

Will you feed them while I get the bath started for us?

[Duplicity had brought them together - and on a train no less! Xue Yang had to take a shot; he had to try to be with Xingchen somehow. Then he had discovered a new side of himself and his humanity. When Xingchen was cold or sick or in pain, he had rushed to be with him. And that had felt right.

He has no basis for understanding love, but this must be the emotion - and bond - people talk about endlessly. And it is wonderful. His reason for living resides in his arms.

Ying toddles inside of the warm home and carries Xiu to the water. She laps up the liquid thirstily.

Xue Yang lays Xingchen on the bed and kneels down before him, rubbing his daozhang's hands to warm them.]

I will. [He smiles softly, unsure.] Are you really choosing me again?

[ And they're together still. Xingchen remembers each time he'd had even an inkling of wanting Xue Yang with him...and the man showing up. Every time. That kind of bond isn't one to give up on easily.

Xiu slips down and laps at the water as well.

Xingchen settles on their bed and sighs as his hands are rubbed and warmth starts to seep back into him. He smiles at that question and leans in to nuzzle their noses together. ]

Forever. Yes, love.

[He never felt half as much for anyone else. Xiao Xingchen has his focus and his heart - though it has always been a feral thing. Under his daozhang's gentle touch, his heart has learned to love.

Ying checks over her little friend, brushing snow from Xiu's coat with her front paw.

Xue Yang kisses those chilled fingers and then smiles when their noses touch.]

Take it easy, alright? I'll be in to help you with the bath in a minute.

[ Xue Yang is learning to be better, even if mostly for Xingchen's sake. It's enough. A lifetime of bad can't easily be turned away from. But he will always protect the love that's growing in his Xue Yang's heart.

Xiu shakes herself free of snow and licks at Ying's nose.

Xingchen kisses the tip of his husband's nose. ]

I will.

[ He nudges his love away to see to their sweet familiars before standing to get their bath started. ]

[No, it's not that easy to change, but Xue Yang has found a reason to try. One reason will become two, then three, then four and so forth. But for right now, he is satisfied watching his gorgeous husband and following his lead.

Ying's ears raise in adorable surprise. A kiss!

Smirking, Xue Yang rises and heats up some good food for the sweet pair. He sets it out for them - along with fresh water and plenty of blankets on their bed.]

Good girls. [He strokes over their soft fur before walking to the bathroom.] A-Chen?

[ Xingchen likes giving him many reasons and encouragement to try. He's never once been disappointed, nor regret giving this man a chance.

Xiu gives her friend a smug look as Xue Yang warms up food for them and makes sure they have fresh water. Then wiggles over to nuzzle his hand before nibbling on her share.

Xingchen adds bath salts to the steaming water as the tub fills, then starts to undress. ]

It's almost ready, love.

[Text; UN: DemonsandSugar]

Voice; un: gentlebreeze

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