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Video UN: Whatever

[Alec is sitting in his room at the inn, trying to ignore the spectral whippet gnawing on a squeaky bone behind him. He doesn't know where she got it and he isn't inclined to ask]

Right. [he rubs his eyes with a hand and then stares at the camera]

Let's get this shit show organized. The sooner we get everything done, the sooner we can leave so it's time to figure out who can do what. Who are you and what can you do? What are your strengths and weaknesses? We should have some sort of formal training so that like can work with like and eventually figure out how to work together as a cohesive unit in case something big comes along.

[he doesn't want to even think of what that might be]

Also are there any legitimate doctors around? And I don't mean someone who can do 'healing' [he waves his hands] whatever the fuck that means, but someone with medical training. If you have that... let's talk.

[he has a small problem that if he doesn't get it fixed will soon turn into a very large problem so he's doing what he can]

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That's not even how magic works. You want something, you will it to happen, there's no guesswork involved at all.

You're just afraid of it. That's the real issue.

[ A beat. ]

One of the real issues... You're sort of the King of issues.

Damn right I'm scared. I'm bloody terrified. Magic isn't quantifiable. It's not a pill that will more or less do what you want or a scalpel in the hand of a trained surgeon. It's too bloody personal.

What if someone is having an off day? Or they're sick or incompetent or just don't like you? How can you hold them accountable? How can you prove they didn't do it on purpose? You can't!

[he falls back, breathing hard]

I hate this bloody city.

What if your Doctor stumbles into the surgical room drunk?? What if she sneezes with that scalpel in her hand? Its just as hard to prove negligence in a hospital with everyone covering up for each other.

Magic is much less dangerous than the sorts of things you humans put yourselves through...

[his skin crawls at that and he hugs himself]

Please. What would you know? Do you get sick? Do you get wounded? You've always had everything you wanted handed to you on a bloody silver platter and haven't had to worry.

You can take your supercilious ass back where it belongs and Fell with you.

[ He saw that shiver. Mission creep out the human was a win then.

Too bad it felt hollow. ]

I lived as a human! And unlike some people I do remember it happened!

[ Thanks for reminding him of that. ]

And what would you know about it?? I've never gotten everything I've always wanted... Not even as a demon.

[ If I did you wouldn't still be sick! Annoying, asshole stranger, who in NO WAY reminds him of some one who used to be his cousin! ]

You just like to complain like the whole universe is against you! Well it isn't! There is no one out there with a 'Destroy Alec' banner, setting you up to fail. There is only your life and what you decide to make of it... Make the right choices.

[ And yes the irony of a demon telling some one to make the right choices wasn't lost on him but come on. Alec was smart, clever, brave, he could figure out this magic shit, get himself healed up, live a good life...

There was an angry demon routing for him anyway. ]

You've got-- [Fell, he wanted to say, but that was tipping his hand too much and maybe he wanted more. Who knew what a demon wanted. He'd thought he knew what Anthony wanted but that was a dream anyway.]

Fine. Sorry. But you don't understand and I don't expect you to. I'm not saying the world is against me and my shit life is due to my shit choices. I take full responsibility for that.

But at least it's mine.

[ He wouldn't give up Fell for the world... Almost literally. But that was the way with having a taste of humanity, you end up wanting more. ]

Yeah, fine... free will, whatever.

[ Dismissive as that may have been Crowley couldn't quite find it in him to regret the whole apple incident. ]

At least you bothered asking for a Doctor.

I've got to fix this bloody mess, don't I? [a sigh]

To go home and fix another bloody mess. Maybe this time I'll actually not screw it up. Or not let anyone else do it either.

The sad thing is I feel like it's closer to home... of course it is because everything is close to home it's like sardines in a can, which is why Miller can't see it because she folds like a wet paper towel. She's an officer of the law. People are not your friends at work. They are suspects or they are victims or... [he waves a hand] coworkers... but she can't see it and won't see it and whoever killed that boy knew that bloody town well enough to slip out of sight like a rat in the sewers.

And it's going to hurt her. Christ it will sting. But maybe she'll get the armor she needs to actually do her bloody job and not want to bake it puddings or whatever.

[ Funny that. Some how during this battle Alec had slipped into alien and he had lost Crowley almost instantly. ]

Miller?

[ There was so much about Alec's real life that he didn't know anything about. ]

That your girlfriend?

No. [he makes a face] Ellie.

I don't have a girlfriend. All I have is an ex-wife and a sad excuse for a marriage so I supposed in the other life I was smarter than that.

[ Ellie. Another former cousin. Made excellent tea and had warm hugs. ]

What happened?

[ Now that Alec remembered it all it seemed appropriate to ask. ]

[he is quiet a long moment. He'd asked himself that a lot but he'd always known]

Spent too much time at work. Too much time on cases. I let it slip away. [he couldn't really blame Tess that much.] Don't do that with Fell. Whatever else happens. Things like that are too important to just let go of.

[but he would have done it again. And again. And again. Justice felt so much more important. Truth felt so much more important. It could be he just wasn't made for that kind of thing. Not when there was so much work to do.]

Hold on as tightly as you can to every moment of joy you can get.

I don't need you to tell me that.

[ Wasn't he already working on feathering a next for the pair of them? Not that he would bring that up, too soft! ]

I don't even have a job to get in the way.

Lazy wanker. [but said fondly] Good. [he leans back against the wall]

One less thing to worry about

[ Silence and a long stare. ]

That what your doing? Trying to form your own Police Squad?

No. [a faint smile] Just some organization. I'm not so ambitious, just have things to do.

[ It sounded ambitious to him, a bit like herding cats... or unicorns, and not something that would happen easily. ]

Should I wish you luck?

You could help gather information. Get people together. You're good at that. Must be the hair.

I know a few people and what their powers are... Not really interested in getting stuck in another save the world mission.

[ Another, like he was out there saving them all the time. ]

Aziraphale wants to stay here, get settled in, that's much more what I was thinking.

Right. [somehow he had hoped... but it didn't matter]

Forget it, then. Enjoy whatever.

Eternity.

[ Some how that didn't sound so bad when he knew he would be spending it with Aziraphale. ]

Yeah, same to you. Enjoy... whatever you can.

[another stab of jealousy but he pushes it away]

Nah.

[he had little enough time left and not enough to indulge in anything but work. He cut the feed and sat in the sudden quiet. What did he need eternity for? He barely deserved the now]

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