video; un: smoking_bomb

[bakudan_bambino]

[This video must have been recorded earlier and taken a while for Gokudera to decide to post it. He's sitting in his attic apartment by a window, a leopard sleeping on a couch behind him, an open book in front of him, pencil in hand, and mug full of something steaming before him.]

Before I begin: Emet, thank you. The potion's working.

[Gokudera takes a small sip of his coffee? tea? looks like he's enjoying some peace. The glasses on his face fog from the drink and he sighs before fidgeting with his pen.]

There is something I've noticed about going from world to world... humans are so focused on finding out their purpose. The meaning of their lives. They're born wondering why they exist at all in most cases. How true is that for you? Does everyone wonder what the meaning of life is?

[Gokudera is visibly more well than any point in at least the last three months, still wearing his collar but looking a little less gaunt. He sets down the pen and chews on a stick of licorice root.]

Maybe I'm just having an existential crisis or something

But no one I've ever really spoken to in any of the three worlds I've been on has parents who were off-worlders. This is just one stop and we arrive with an objective.

It makes me wonder. Are there probably people who want to know what they're working with rather than against? That are in favor of the Calamity for chaos' sake? Who are sick of just doing what they're told?

I'm not saying I am, and I'm not looking for an argument or a debate. I'm just curious if anyone feels that way? Who isn't looking out for the safety of their home world? Why?

[He leaves the camera on for at least a minute of silence while he writes.]

Just trying to gain some new perspectives...

[The leopard behind him (very real and in that odd stage between cub and adult), gets up and approaches so much that it's no longer in frame, but growls and a paw can be seen swatting before the feed is cut off.]

Comments

[whatsamada]

Even so, it doesn't mean you're not a hero to your important person?

[Or at least, that's what Kotone would say to cheer him up right?]

[bakudan_bambino]

I wouldn’t assume something like that…

[Would the Tenth or Yamamoto think of him as a hero?]

[whatsamada]

You never know. Is that important person here with you? Why don't you talk to them?

[Just saying!]

[bakudan_bambino]

I do! Just… not something like being their hero.

[whatsamada]

Such as what? If you don't mind me asking?

[bakudan_bambino]

Because they have a lot on their plate! They have a much more important role to a larger group of people. I'm literally their adviser, support, y'know... Just like a side character!

[whatsamada]

Doesn't mean that side characters don't get their chance to shine!

[On that note?]

I know if I had that thought, I wouldn't allow myself to grow further. [Not that he wanted to be the main character after what his leader went through but...!]

[bakudan_bambino]

Well obviously I won't be of any use to my important person if I don't grow. I'm not trying to do anything major, but I'm also fairly involved. I think compared to my home world, this expects a lot more of me than I'm used to.

I'm not against it... it's just a literal change of pace.

[whatsamada]

Then it's a pace that you should go with? I know you're not use to it but it's still worth a try to be an important for yourself?

[Pause]

...Or is that a cheesy thing to say?

[Because it sure sounds like something Kotone would say!]

[bakudan_bambino]

I suppose so.

[He'll consider it, then give a soft chuckle at that question.]

Even if it is, it's not bad.

[whatsamada]

[In return, Ken couldn't help but give a small pout.]

Doesn't stop me from feeling I could do a little better.

[bakudan_bambino]

The fact that you try at all is commendable. Everyone can always do a little better.

You're not alone in that.

Sorry for the late response!

[whatsamada]

You really think so?

[He said with a sigh.]

I like to think I'm trying to do better but it sure can be difficult sometimes.

no worries dude c:

[bakudan_bambino]

I know so.

[Take it from the person who is struggling to be the perfect right-hand man to a mafia boss who is... trying to change the mafia. Gokudera will never be perfect, but he can try.]

Of course, but it's in overcoming the difficulty that makes it all worth it in the end.

[whatsamada]

Which is why you should take the challenge and be a hero.

[All the while leaning in a little with a smirk on his face.]

Right?

[bakudan_bambino]

I’ll be a good person, is that enough?

[Being a hero sounds too glorious. He’d rather help those in need.]

[whatsamada]

I think so.

[And yet, that doesn't stop him the smirk on his face.]

You can be a hero to those you care about! [Why no, he's not pushing this on him. What you talking about?]

[bakudan_bambino]

That's up to them, then. Not really my decision to make.

[Gokudera's eyes narrow. Ken, what are you trying to insinuate here?]

[whatsamada]

If you say so. But just know that you might have to be one some day.

[He said with a smirk.]

Just be prepared!

[bakudan_bambino]

Be prepared?! Don’t lecture me!

[whatsamada]

What if I am?

[All the while giving a smirk!]

[bakudan_bambino]

What if I feel like punching a child?!

[whatsamada]

[Then he raised an eyebrow.]

If you're actually willing to do it.

[bakudan_bambino]

Where the fuck are you?! I'll knock you upside your head so goddamn hard that the ringing in your ears will keep everyone around you up at night!

[whatsamada]

That's for you to find out! You'll never know where I am!