voice | un: homeros

[leitstern]

People of Avalon, I approach you with a conundrum.

[Five seconds pass until he remembers what he wants to say. Ten seconds elapse before he remembers how to talk. He leans backwards and stares at the ceiling. The drag on his voice feels like a lump in his throat, forcing him to squeeze out word after word.]

My compatriot and I have reached an impasse and it is my avowed hope you can break the deadlock. He is... refuting the evident need for a new byname for the network. I maintain his favoured sobriquet is suitable only to be laughed at.

[A breather. He loosens his tie and begins counting. Eight seconds, no more.]

I want you to advise him to cease being stubborn and listen to his old friend. It would be for his own good.

[The mic is left running as he stands up and stumbles offscreen. His words continue dragging on at a crawl.]

Obsidian36 is truly undignified and improper, Hendrik. Believe me, nobody would suspect you of being a horse.

Comments

voice; un: hello

[luminatus]

You wanna run all that by me again, mate? I understood less than half of it.

[leitstern]

Upon my word, you do try my patience.

[Five seconds of silence as he stews in his anger. Or perhaps that's how long it takes him to start thinking?

Fine. He will play along.]

Inform my dear Hendrik that his username is worse than yours, if you would.

And I pray that one of these days you will finally pay attention.

[luminatus]

I pay attention just fine.

You're talking slow. You okay? Wait, are you pissed, is that what's happening?

[leitstern]

[No reaction.

Until he groans. One might imagine him rubbing his forehead.]

Not in the slightest.

[luminatus]

Uhuh...Okay.

What's twelve plus uhm forty-nine?

[leitstern]

Sixty one.

[He may have used the calculator on his phone.]

[luminatus]

[There is a long pause as Eleven realizes he doesn't know the answer himself.

Sixty one sounds about right.]

Uh...yeah.

How's walkin' in a straight line treatin' you?

[leitstern]

Oh, it treats me perfectly well, of course.

[Just ignoring the fact he stumbled towards Hendrik in a beeline, then.]

[luminatus]

Oh, okay. You must be fine then.

So, tell me, what do you think Hendrik's new wossname should be?

...User name, I mean.

[Because he just has to hear Jasper drunkenly brainstorm about this.]

[leitstern]

Well, the man is as stubborn as an ox -

[He turns his head like Hendrik can hear every word. Like he wants him to hear every word.]

and built like one to boot.

[A pause whilst he redirects himself.]

Should he name himself after such a beast that would be a fairer comparison.

Oh, but that goes against the grain of my argument, does it not?

[Light flashes behind his eyes.]

Perhaps you will ask him yourself what it should be, one of these days.

[luminatus]

I vote we call him "Miss Tabby Cat Princess Pretty Pants"

[leitstern]

[...]

Be quiet.

[It is literally Jasper telling him to shut up.]

[luminatus]

And you should change yours to "Sourpuss Salty Paws".

[leitstern]

[ Well someone's getting left on read! :| ]