avalononline | voice | un: RocketMan

['New'? Well, it has only been a few Earth months. From a certain perspective, that qualifies as new, doesn't it?]

[So no, she doesn't realize that Shiro had left and returned. There was probably some other reason why they hadn't crossed paths in quite a while, right? Besides that...]

Oh! You've begun looking into getting it replaced?

[The one she last met had also been in need of a new prosthetic.]

[There's a pause of several minutes before Shiro gets the video turned on. He's pale, as if he's had a shock, but there's the warm smile reserved just for her. From the angle she can see that he's lacking his entire right arm, not just below mid-bicep. And his hair has the shaved sides and trimmed forelock as when she first assigned him to the Black Lion.]

Princess - it's good to see you. I think it's possible that I'm actually from an alternate timeline than you, but either way, you're looking well. Is anyone else here? Coran? The Paladins? ...Matt?

[Oh, boy. The hair alone give her a start. Didn't he just change it from what she remembered? And now it's back!]

[But this time, we can skip several steps of confusion, because he volunteers the explanation:]

Wait, alternate timeline? [Which isn't a problem itself. She's somewhat more familiar with alternate timelines than most. But...] So you aren't the same Shiro that I met with before?

[The evidence is quickly mounting, too. She had already mentioned Pidge, at the very least!] Yes, there's Pidge and Keith. To my knowledge, Lance and Hunk remain missing. And Matt has shown up here as well.

[Is there also a second Shiro? Perhaps she should look into this.]

[He brightens, relief plain where he would normally be restrained. But of course he briefs her first.]

It's a long story, Princess, but if we get a chance to see one another I promise, I'll do my best to explain it from my end.

But since the Allura I knew was from an earlier time point than I was, she was surprised to see me like this. And you knew to expect it missing. So I'm guessing, different timeline.

Matt's here? I thought I'd lost him. And Pidge.. and Keith? I haven't seen Keith in...

[Wait. Mental math. No, surely not. Recalculate. Okay, he knows his memory's off, but, even if he hedges his bets... He quiets, a small frown appearing between his brows.]

...four years. There was a brief visit once, but then he and Lance were gone again.

[A small sigh escapes him.]

Which they won't remember either, I'm guessing. Not that Lance is here to corraborate.

Well... I was surprised to see you this way, before you... before a Shiro explained it to me. Back in my original reality, you did still have your arm!

[But also, that was supposedly not the actual Shiro? Also, what's going on with the hair? She's going to need to start making a diagram to keep track of Shiros. Are any of them named Sven?]

[And what's this talk of four years passing, and Lance showing up, and spontaneous amnesia? She heaves a sigh.] It sounds as though I'm missing more story than I realized. I'll look forward to that explanation.

[There's a small twitch at the word 'reality'. (Thanks for that Slav.) But he tilts his head in a noncommittal gesture.]

You haven't missed anything, really. Not for you, anyway. A lot of what's happened in the last few years of my past doesn't have any direct bearing on your future back home, I suspect. Still, tell me when and where and I'll be ready to debrief.

[How would Slav even deal with this, a world outside time, with all possible realities frozen in stasis?]

It's hard to say what's to come of that future, given what's happened to time itself. But I'd still like to know, particularly if has to do with our missing teammates!

As it so happens, I'm still staying at the hotel myself. Perhaps we can meet somewhere there?

[With luck, maybe he'd explode. ...no, okay, Shiro doesn't really want that. But he could go for an overload that makes Slav be quiet for a while.]

Sure. You're welcome to stop by my room if you'd like. I'm in [Insert Room Number Here] if you ever need me. Day or night.

[Odds are good he'll probably be up anyway.]

Do you have plans for the day?

I didn't before. Give me just a tick, and I'll be there!

[After all, he did just say he would usually be around there, didn't he? And it certainly looks like he's there right now.]

[The video feed cuts out, but it turns back on a moment later, with Allura ducking into the frame from the side. Before she forgets:]

By the way, if you should ever need to stop by my room, you can find me in [her own room number goes here]!

Edited 2021-03-24 17:55 (UTC)

Shiro jots down her room number before he forgets, and when the knock comes, he's right there to open the door. "Allura - it's so good to see you. Please, come in."

Just like on the Castle, Shiro hasn't remotely decorated in any way. Everything is neat as a pin, everything in its place, the bed pushed into a corner where the occupant could keep an eye on both the door and the window without moving. "I have a lot to tell you - at least I think I do. Pick a seat." Desk chair, bed, windowsill, floor... that's pretty much all he's got, sorry.

"It might help if you could tell me when you're from, and what the last me... told you." Yeah, that's still awkward to think about. Especially in light of Things.

"Of course. Thank you, Shiro." But she takes a step in, and her expression briefly shifts to one that's unimpressed. Oh, Shiro.

Still, is she really in much of a place to judge? It's not as if she's bought much in the way of furniture, given how little room there is to decorate. But at least she's brought home a few things to provide a personal touch — just enough to make it feel lived in, without making it untidy.

Taking the only actual chair seems a little rude, sitting on the bed seems awkward, and she has too much dignity for the floor. So, she decides to take the windowsill. It may not be the coziest seat, but she's able to perch there comfortably enough, and muse a moment over how to start this.

"As far as our timeline goes, the last thing that I recall is the battle on Naxzela. We had just secured our victory there, and were being hailed — supposedly, that was by Lotor, but it's about that point that my memories start getting hazy. And from what I've been told, that also wasn't really you on our team by that point. Is that correct?"

She leans forward, massaging her temples with her fingertips, as if to stave off a migraine. "Because at this rate, I'm going to need to start giving all the different Shiros different names to keep track." Unfortunately, none of these clones or alternate reality Shiros had the courtesy of already coming with a different name, like Sven.

For himself, Shiro considers propping up the wall, but decides to sit on the edge of the bed for now. Some Garrison therapist would probably read way too deeply into that, but there's no therapist here now. Just him and the princess.

He nods in answer to her question, speaking softly, with that hint of weariness he'd only displayed regarding Ulaz. "Yes. That's right. I can help you differentiate, if you'd like me to, but honestly I'm not entirely certain that we'll keep these memories when we return home. Still. That, at least, I can help with."

He resists the urge to cross his arms. Which wouldn't really work anyway, under the circumstances. "The other question is, how much of what happened between your memories and mine do you want to know? Your future might be very similar, but you might also make a different decision that I know nothing about. Do you want to risk it?"

He watches her steadily, not challenging or demanding, but patient. Waiting for her decision.

There's already a lot to work through here.

"Hold on, what's this about returning home? That hardly seems important now, when we still have to save our home first." Of course, it's still technically possible to return, but to what? Being suspended in time until matters here are resolved? She's had enough stasis sleep for one lifetime already.

"And for that reason, I can't say I'm worried about causality, either. As long as I'm here, this is my reality, and I'd like to know as much as I can to make sense of it. That includes understanding what my teammates have lived through."

"I think that when we have succeeded in rescuing this world, we will be returned to our own universe - likely to the exact moment when we were brought here. If we're not, I suspect there will be at least a riot. People don't want to stay here forever." There's ironclad certainty there.

"If you're not worried about the integrity of the timeline, then I have a lot to explain. And not all of it is going to be easy for me, so just... bear with me. There's a hopeful ending," he offers with a small half-smile.

Shiro takes a deep breath, trying to figure out where to even start. But on the exhale, he settles. "You remember our attack on Zarkon's headquarters. We were able to defeat him, but doing so shattered Voltron back into the lions. The Black Bayard was in the console, but you couldn't find me?"

"I died." He doesn't pause, doesn't wait. "I think what happened was that I was pushing so much of my energy into Voltron, my mind in sync with the Black Lion, that I was able to give the entirety of my quintessence to ensuring that Voltron held through that final strike. And then there was nothing left. Nothing but my... memory? My soul? I'm not entirely certain how that worked, but the Black Lion was able to capture my essence and hold it inside itself. I think you told me that I was probably in the well of the Black Lion's quintessence."

He shakes his head and runs his remaining hand through his hair, squeezing the back of his neck as if to ground himself. Thick brows furrow as he looks down and sideways, unable to meet her eyes. "I could see... everything. Hear everything. If I concentrated hard enough. But I couldn't find a way to reach you. To speak to you - or any of the paladins. It's hard to feel time there. I just knew that if I waited, if I was patient enough, I could try and build up quintessence again. Not very much, and not very fast, but maybe if I had more energy I could reach out and someone might hear me."

People don't want to stay here forever.

It's an odd thing to say, given that Allura's own heart is sinking a little at the thought. She doesn't mention it, since there's hardly any point in arguing Shiro about it — of course they'll all have to go back eventually, especially given the entire war that's been left unfinished. To stay here would be to abandon an important fight.

But it's made her keenly aware of how much she's missed actually living somewhere, how the castle-ship is just a tiny remnant of the world she used to call home. And so, the idea of leaving is more bitter than sweet, and she's already reluctant to consider it.

"... I think I'm starting to understand better. I've never heard of it happening, but... if we can channel quintessence in and out of our bodies, what's stopping the Lions from doing it? Depending on what the cause was, the Lion might have saved you..."

It's a curious thought. Would it happen every time a pilot died inside a Lion? Obviously they can't experiment with it, but still.

"I think it did," Shiro agrees. Everything's so heavy - his body, gravity, even the air in his lungs. Some days he's painfully aware of how present and alive he is. Watching from afar was agonizing and frustrating to say the least... but he didn't hurt there. The witch had been very thorough in getting the damage just right.

"You know how you found me, so I won't go over that, but you should know that the man you found in that fighter-craft was me, at least in all the important ways. He didn't know any differently, he had to escape from a Galra ship, the burns and injuries and hypothermia were all real. He knew everything I did. His DNA would match mine almost completely."

It's always hard to say this part without letting his temper get the better of him. Breathe. Focus. "The witch kept samples of me from when I was in the Arena. She cloned me. She accelerated his growth, and then broke him down to match my body in every particular. She knew the injuries I had sustained, right down the the claws across my ribs. She knew. So she had to make him match. There are things they did to him--" Shiro bites through the sentence, tasting the bitter, sour note of rage and fear and helplessness. His hand hurts. Oh. It's clenched tightly enough that his nails are making impressions through Keith's old glove. Carefully and deliberately he uncurls his fingers. Forces himself to relax his shoulders. Get it together, Shirogane.

"Regardless... He didn't know that she'd programmed him. He's a sleeper agent, Princess." Gods. How many times has he told this story now, and how many times has it drained him. And yet it hasn't gotten much better. "Those headache spasms he gets where he's in a lot of pain but won't talk about it? He's getting flashes of the witch. I don't know how, and neither does he, but it hurts, and then it's gone. The information is so fast and muddled that it's really difficult to even understand what he's seeing. He thinks he's hallucinating. But... there will be a point where she reaches across space and triggers something in his head. It locks him out of his own body. He's... there, but unable to do anything. He has to watch. His body will try to kill you." It's so hard to force the words out. Even as a warning they sound wrong. Twisted. Inconceivable. "And the other Paladins. He doesn't want to, but he'll take Lotor and go."

Nausea swirls unpleasantly in his stomach. When was the last time he ate? Doesn't matter. "Keith will follow him in the Black Lion. And he'll find him. Sort of." Shiro tries to clear his throat, but it doesn't help much. "That clone isn't the only one."

Allura remains quiet as he explains what the 'false' Shiro had lived through. Trying to imagine what it feels like, to know that this sort of alternate ego was created and tortured and turned into an unwitting weapon against his friends. But ultimately, she can only imagine. The weight of Haggar's actions is never going to hit her the way it's hitting Shiro, since Allura doesn't have to process and accept a hypothetical situation.

What bothers her more is hearing the full breadth of Haggar's actions, and seeing the traces of Altean abilities behind her witchcraft. And she understands enough, and is so curious about what is possible, that part of her can't help but wonder about the process behind the witch's plan — to the point that she has to consciously stop herself from considering it too deeply. She distances her thoughts from the void.

"How many did she make?" With sufficient quintessence and other resources, it would be theoretically possible to create an entire planet of Shiros. Going that far to stop Team Voltron seems like an insane thought, but that's why she has to ask. Madness and overkill are practically the hallmarks of Haggar's strategy.

"It's hard to say," Shiro murmurs. "He didn't know how many facilities she had going, or if there were any more clones being programed. But the facility he took Keith to had at least a thousand. It was set to self-destruct, thinking that it would take him and Keith with it. I think... Those memories are hard to think back on." He's not going to go into what he said. The things he ripped through Keith, tearing great ragged holes in the support they'd built together. That's too much. And if Keith hasn't told her, then it's really not his place to say.

"I think," he continues slowly, "that it was an attempt to strike back at the witch. To end the suffering of the others before it began, rid her of her toys, set her back in her research. He had to try to kill Keith, but he had faith that Keith could beat him, or that the Black Lion would save him somehow. Keith would survive and this section of the cloning project would end."

He rubs his hand across his forehead. It's okay. He's not there. The shriek of metal and Keith's labored breathing are just a bad memory. Smooth out the bedspread. Feel the texture of the weave. See? Here. Present. Focus.

"In the end, Keith surprised him. He thought he'd angered Keith and hurt him badly enough that Keith would kill him, or at least leave him to die." His chuckle is odd and rough and devoid of warmth. "Keith is better than that. He severed the prosthetic the witch had upgraded. The backlash and the strain on the clone's body was too much and he lost consciousness, but Keith got him into the Black Lion. Brought him back to the Paladins."

Bleak grey eyes lift to find her vibrant blue. "I'm sorry, Princess, but Lotor isn't the friend he makes us all believe he is. He's using us - using you to try and learn Altean alchemy and finish work on a trio of ships. They'll be able to combine, like the lions, into something new, able to be controlled by a single person, but just as large as Voltron and without the direct hookups that Zarkon's armor needed. He wants to break through the seam between universes and harvest quintessence directly from the between space. Where those little mote creatures are. And the Paladins are going to have to hold out until Keith gets back and can drop off my clone at the Castle. You can do it. I know you can. I've seen it happen. But you're going to have to believe it too."

There's a long, slow inhale from Allura... and a sharp sigh of an exhale. "I don't see what you have to apologize for. If anything, I can hardly believe that I would fall for Lotor's deception and become allies with him, and it shames me to think that — well, apparently I will."

And what's worse, she can already see exactly why she would. It was in what Keith mentioned about the heir of Zarkon, that Lotor is half-Altean. It bothers her to have that connection with such a horrid enemy, so much that it makes her skin crawl. But she also knows how lonesome she's felt, ever since she lost her world and her people, and how she's longed to reforce those connections wherever she can find them. That's not necessarily a bad thing — it helped her forge her friendships with the human Paladins, after all — but it would be easy for someone like Lotor to take advantage of it. So yes, even despite her better judgment...

She shakes her head, trying to clear that unpleasant line of thought from her mind.

"The rest sounds absurd as well, but it does line up with what Keith mentioned. That apparently, we'll be chasing fairy tales and actually find something. Though it makes more sense that even that would be more part of their machinations..." t's unusually dour for her, but hearing about what Haggar and Lotor get up to? It's reawakened her grudge against Zarkon and his allies.

But... she nods. Shiro's faith is a silver lining to all this. And she does believe it, because isn't that what their team does best? Pulling out a victory in the darkest hour.

"It's not your fault," Shiro says, shaking his head slowly. "Lotor is extremely clever, and I think that he genuinely wanted to be friends. It's just that his goals and yours could never align the way he wanted them to. And when you refuse him, then he uses that as an excuse to bring his power-hungry plot to bear. Besides. You're not the only one he fools. The clone of me is also fooled by him - meaning that I am. I help put him on the throne after the empire breaks. He's the one who kills Zarkon in the end. Like all people, there's good mixed with the bad. He makes the choice to turn away from the right path."

"In the end, Lotor is defeated. But by that point he's ripped so many holes in the fabric of space itself that the tears are expanding and eventually they'll consume the universe unless they can be closed. And that requires... Coran had a term for it. But basically it needs an explosion of enormous magnitude and filled with a certain type of energy. The only source for that is in the Castle's crystal. So the Castle has to be evacuated and set on a course to take it into the rifts on a timed self-destruct sequence.

"The healing pod that they put the clone into got taken with you all, along with as many supplies and keepsakes as could fit on the Lions and still have room for passengers. The lions land on a chunk of planet, I think, and Keith tells you all how, on the way back to the fight, he connected with the Black Lion and could finally see me. Hear me in there. I was able to help him figure out how to assist the Black Lion in going as fast as it had back when I managed to take the Black Bayard from Zarkon."

A little, warm, admiring smile lifts some of the weariness from his face. "Of course hearing that, you thought of something from the Altean alchemical legends. I still don't know how it worked, but you were able to take my... spirit? Essence? Whatever it was, from the Black Lion, and place me into the body of the clone. This body. It, ah, it actually turned my hair bright white all over, as some kind of side effect. It changed back somewhere else entirely."

"But the thing is." He hesitates, running his fingers through his short-shorn hair. "The clone wasn't dead. And his spirit essence was still in here. We fell unconscious and I guess you put us back into the healing pod. The Black Lion was powering it, I think. But he and I, we had to figure out who was staying and who was going. We talked for a long time. I think it might have scared you guys, actually. But I wasn't going to fight him unless he made me. And he really didn't want to. He was upset - understandably. He'd been used and lied to, and made into a weapon even more thoroughly than I had been. All he wanted was to be able to live up to the expectations and to be a true paladin. Like he thought I had been. He wanted to be worthy. Eventually we came to an agreement, and he was able to let go. I tend to think of him as that brother I always wanted, but never had. My mother..." He pauses to bite his lip. He hasn't really talked about his parents. To anyone. Not in a long, long time. But this is important. "She was going to have twins when I was born, but something went wrong. They were able to save me, but not Ryou. My clone never had a name or an identity of his own. The ways in which he differed from me were forced on him. Things he never wanted. So I gave him Ryou's name. It seemed to help."

Clearing his throat, he straightens a bit. "And right about when I woke up is when I was pulled out of my universe. I just didn't come straight here. It gets complicated."

voice | un: RocketMan

VIDEO | un: sparklythings

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cw: PTSD, flashback symptoms

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