avalononline | text; un: goddessofdeath

[ After being given a quest, Ereshkigal had decided to go ahead and do it on her own. It was very clear the quest was designed to be dangerous and she'd wanted to ensure none would get caught in her own personal feud with Morganna... Which had been a fatal mistake. ]

Greetings. I am in dire need of assistance and would be very grateful should any of you still listen to me.

[ It is a blessing nobody can hear her whine through text. ]

I am in the Forest of the Felled and I am lost. I came here after Morganna gave me a quest, but I believe my words angered her and she led me into a trap. It appears she placed upon me a curse that makes it impossible for me to find my way. I have been here for over twenty-four now and my strengths are waning as a result of dehydration and hunger.

Should you be afraid of facing Morganna's wrath for assisting me, I understand. I shall face my own death with dignity if so. I only ask someone come after the kettle in my possession to finish this quest and establish a land of the dead after I am gone. I will endeavor to write instructions on how to manage such a place with what time I have left.

[ Not overly dramatic at all, nope. ]

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[ There's a brief pause before Minako replies.

It means she's taking this conversation pretty seriously - considering Minako is a wild, impulsive text sender most of the time. She doesn't hesitate. Or think, when she's just being silly, anyway. But this matter feels so important to her. It digs at the core of this place, somehow.

But she can put her feelings about Morganna aside, if not just for a moment, so she can focus on Ereshkigal's feelings instead. ]

is it what others would expect from you, or is it what you expect from yourself?

[ Ereshkigal finds herself unable to reply for a little bit. That should be what everyone expects out of deities... But in reality, most gods do not care. Sometimes it feels like she's one of the only god who takes her work seriously. One of the few trying to abide by those standards she believed gods should have.

Standards "she" believed. So Minako was totally right. ]

There are so many who depend on me. The souls of the dead can't fight for themselves.

If I do not hold myself to those standards, who can they count on?

They need me. They need me to take responsibility and to be flawless. I wish I could live freely, but my wishes and dreams are incompatible with the reality of what I need to be.

no one can be expected to be flawless.

[ Yes, I'll take "things Minako Aino of all people is a hypocrite to say" for $100, thanks.

But hypocrite or not, it's still something she fiercely believes when it comes to other people. For how little slack Minako cuts herself, she will cut others all the slack necessary - especially in situations like these, that feel so terribly unjust in every single way. Ereshkigal can blame herself later, for other things. Not for something totally out of her control. ]

even for a goddess, it's okay to sometimes just say 'this is unfair, and it sucks, and i'm really hurt by it.'

you don't need to carry the entire world on your shoulders. especially not here, while you're technically away from what's your domain in the first place.

[ 'You don't need to carry the entire world on your shoulders.'

But she needed to. She had to. Perhaps not the world, but the underworld and everything it implied. That was the very reason behind her existence. Her divine "parents" would never have brought her into existence otherwise.

Was it right to just complain and relax when she had such responsibilities? Yes, it was unfair. The unfairness of the situation made her want to scream. Sometimes she shared her feelings with others. But that was a step beyond. She felt guilty just thinking about doing it. ]

I want to agree. I've dreamed for so long of having this sort of freedom. Ever since my birth.

[ To be more like Ishtar and less like herself, ironically enough. But Ishtar wasn't the only goddess of love, was she? ]

You are the Goddess of Love in your homeworld, are you not?

Would you do it? Complain and aim for anything but perfection, knowing it may negatively affect those who depend on you?

[ Noooo, Ereshkigal.. Why did you have to turn this around on her! Sure, it's an entirely logical thing to ask, considering what Minako herself said, but it's still a very hard thing to answer. Especially since there's an instant answer Minako would like to give, but she also knows it'd be a total lie..

After all, it's not like she hasn't shoved aside absolutely everything in favour of her mission before. ]

i'm really bad at that

[ At least she admits it... It'd hurt to lie here, when Ereshkigal seems so earnest. When she's out there in trouble. ]

but that's exactly why i'd like to see other people in a similar position be a little better at it, you know?

[ Giving advice to others that you couldn't follow when it came to yourself... Honestly she couldn't be angry, she was that way too. Most people were, really. Maybe gods and humans weren't so different after all. Still... It was fair to share a story.

Why she was so scared of allowing herself to be anything but perfect, even a little bit. ]

I was once manipulated by the shadow of another god into ending my existence and allowing him to take over my duties. While I was in the process of "dying," he attacked those dear to me and planned to turn the Underworld into a hellish landscape where the souls of the dead would be tortured instead of resting peacefully. He even had me attack my dear friends.

I was freed from his control and things ended well. However, this only happened because I had lowered my guard. My time with Ritsuka strengthened my longing for a better life. And with it, my guilt at such thoughts. He found a weakness to exploit, a way to worm himself into my mind.

If I am anything but perfect, the risks are too great.

[ Even though she was starting to feel herself breaking down. Both as a result of what had happened with Chaldea and this human vessel influencing her thoughts. ]

[ That last part.. she can understand that. Even if they may have very different stakes resting on their shoulders - and even though Minako's stakes may have way less to do with love than her self-proclaimed title would suggest - she still gets it. Being weak means making mistakes, and that means failing, and failing just isn't allowed to be an option. Failure could destroy everything. Entire worlds.

So she can't argue with that.

But there is something else here she can argue with, if not just because she's viewing it from a third person perspective for once, rather than going around and around with her own thoughts. ]

i get it. i just have one question.

why do you see all of that as your fault, rather than laying the blame at the feet of the being who tried to do that to you? you were the victim in that situation.

[ She wasn't sure what to reply and for a moment, no reply came. She wondered if her logic was really flawless... If Minako had told her those things before the events of the seventh singularity, she wondered what her reply would have been... But there were facts: every single time she had strayed from her path or complained about her lot in life, terrible things had followed. Based on that, the conclusion was obvious. ]

I can do something about things if they are my fault. I can improve. Do better next time.

I cannot do anything about Morganna.

She shares part of the blame. But if I place the fault at her feet, then I have to accept I have reached my limits.

And I don't know what I would do then.

i guess i can't say much against that, huh..

[ Because it does make sense, to some extent. And then there's the fact that at least taking some of the blame is pretty admirable - especially when it's Ereshkigal's intention to grow from it by taking it in the first place. And as long as she's not placing it all on her own shoulders, Minako is already satisfied, but..

There's still a part of her that aches at seeing the other being so hard on herself.

Maybe it's a little bit too much like looking into a mirror. ]

no, wait!! there's one thing i can say!!

next time she's being rude, just let everyone on here know. i'm sure i won't get the only one, but i'll definitely help you beat her up!!! ❤❤❤

[ Is this a very realistic plan? Maybe not.

But Minako feels like it's the intention that truly counts here. Ereshkigal knowing there are people who have got her back, at the very least. ]

[ It is most definitely not a realistic plan.

But indeed, it's the intention that truly matters. Even someone as bad as Ereshkigal when it comes to social skills can tell what she's doing. And somehow? It warms her heart. Minako may not be able to see it, but for the first time in a long time, she is smiling. ]

Thank you.

I'll make sure to tell you first if ever it happens.

text; un: goddessofdeath

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