text; anonymous

[queenofkur]

Greetings.

I am writing this message and posting it on AOL in search of assistance. ●︿●

In my homeworld, I was a powerful and useful being. The role I fulfilled was essential and unique. I was not well-liked and was akin to what you humans would call an outcast. Yet, I took pride in knowing I always worked hard and accomplished my duties to the best of my abilities. None could do what I did. It was enough for me to feel content with my existence. (´｡• ω •｡`)

Initially, I thought of my stay in this world as a dream come true. But it has become evident none of my skills are of any use. What I excelled at has no meaning here. Worse, attempts at working hard in other domains have fared poorly thus far. My lack of expertise in ways that are considered "common" here is proving to be a detriment. Rather than do good, my hard work is a nuisance. Innocents invariably end up getting in trouble because of me. (ㄒoㄒ)

In what many may call an ironic twist, I am more well-liked and accepted in this world than in my own. But rather than being filled with joy, I feel unable to accept such kindness. Not when I am not contributing as I should, not when loved ones suffer because of me. (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Thus I would ask for advice and help in surmounting this challenge. I do not intend to give up. But I am at a loss as to what I should do, and I refuse to be any more of a bother to those who have already suffered because of my failings. （＞д＜）

Thank you for having taken the time to read this message.

Comments

text; un: Rinea_378

[silvergarden]

Camelot, Avalon
June 8th

Friend Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear the discouragement in your message! It is clear that you have had a difficult time settling into Avalon. Even so, I am charmed by your earnest plea. I find it hard to accept your perceived "lack of contribution" at face value when the individual who penned such a message is clearly a conscientious person.

If you find yourself struggling to accept your friends' feelings, perhaps you should frame the subject in another manner. Please consider: when downplaying your peers' opinion of you, are you not insulting someone they are fond of? Do you not trust your friends' choices?

I pray you shall you find encouragement in this reply.
With sincerity,
Rinea of Rigel

[queenofkur]

You are correct, my assessment when it comes to their opinion is unfair. It is not my place to judge whether their opinion of me is correct or not.

Perhaps the core of the issue is my inability to accept such kindness when I feel unworthy of it. It is not something I was accustomed to where I come from. For one such as me, I cannot envision any worth in my existence unless I provide an unique and flawless service. Mayhaps I am the one in the wrong.

I thank you for your kind words, Rinea of Rigel

[silvergarden]

[This person's use of the word "humans" and "one such as me" really makes Rinea wonder what kind of creature she's talking to.]

My! Such a transaction-oriented life sounds difficult, although I am sure the vaguer nature of Avalon culture poses its own challenges. Still, while your drive to improve is admirable, it isn't necessary to make oneself "useful" to be worthy of good things. I think your friends have the right of it-- I hope that one day we will be able to meet, even if I do not know it is you.

Despite all of the difficulties of the above, is there anything you enjoyed about your time here?

Text | UN: koko1010

[scriptwriter]

[It was a good thing that Kotarou had to take a moment to snicker just a bit at the emojis. He really wanted to help, but his funny bone was tickled. That's why it takes a few moments to compose himself before giving his two cents. After all, this really resonated with him... Hell, it hit too close to home in a few ways.]

ngl I'm feeling a bit of mood whiplash right now

[THE EMOJIS... HE JUST HAD TO GET THAT OFF HIS CHEST.]

Anyway... Don't you think that you're being a bit TOO hard on yourself? It's impossible to create miracles and become a somebody in a single day. We all have to start from nothing, y'know?

[queenofkur]

Are you talking about the kaomojis? I did purposefully refrain from using too many of them. But they are an excellent way to convey emotion and tone through text, are they not? (〃＞＿＜;〃)

Are you saying I should refrain from using them?

I understand your reasoning. However, I must disagree with your conclusion. I would be content simply doing my part with no miracles. But even that much, I am failing at. I did not expect the human life to be that radically different and this gap in expectation is leaving me even more useless than a human child.

But as I said, I am not giving up. The very reason for that post is because I am still hopeful. (╥_╥)

[scriptwriter]

Hey now. If they're your niche, then keep it! They're a classy and clever means of communication! Thoooough it can be pretty easy to lie about how you're feeling through text messages.

Saying that you're hopeful, but using (╥_╥) makes it sounds like you're much more gloomy about it than you're letting on. Hell, everything that you just said about feeling more useless than a kid makes me wanna picture mushrooms growing from your head.

[Text; un: Shoto]

[itsmypower]

[Those symbols (?) are new, but-]

I don't think you're the bother you think you are. Everything's changed now for all of us; it's just a matter of finding your -new- skills. I'll bet it's something you haven't discovered yet, or maybe others see more than that, if they're kind to you. I'd guess your value's beyond your talents here.

So don't get caught up on abilities.

[Says Shoto, caught up on abilities.]

You're a pretty good friend to care so much.

[queenofkur]

I have only ever found any value in my existence through hard work. It is difficult for me to conceive of my existence being valuable unless I can provide work that is necessary and vital. If others see more than that, I cannot help but feel as though they are painstakingly seeing something there is not. (〃＞＿＜;〃)

But I thank you for your kind words.

Perhaps you are correct and I am wrong to be assuming the worse. Even so, I find it difficult to convince myself of the veracity behind those words. It may prove to be a challenge to change how I came to perceive myself after so many years.

[itsmypower]

[Value in my existence. It strikes a nerve.]

I don't know who your friends are, but there's no way they're seeing a "nuisance" in you. [As they'd put it.] I think you'll just need to trust that. You're not some machine with one function, so don't go thinking you don't hold value here.

It's more than enough you mean to help right now, but it's fine if you can't accept that. Just take things little by little. Give it your all and keep going until you find your own place in things. It's all any of us can do this time.

[No choice in it, really...]

I'd say you're necessary more than you think.

I can't tell you how that is, or even expect you to believe that, but you decide who you wanna become here. Just keep that image in mind. [It's like his mom's always said.] You can be anything you want to now.

[Start over again.]

Text | un: anonymous

[pricklybloom]

I doubt you're the bother that you think you are. If people enjoy your company and are like you, then it means that they appreciate you for who you are, not what they think you can or can't do for them.

But I also get the feeling of wanting to help out. What were the things that you were good at back home?

[queenofkur]

They were things that has no sense or meaning here. I have already sought to continue in the same line of work, and have been told there is no need for such work in this world. (｡•́︿•̀｡)

I have been persisting and even now, I am working on something I believe is important. But I feel like I may simply be clinging onto this because it is the only thing I am good at.

Should you need a comparison, think of me as an umbrella in a country where it never rains. (-ω-、)

[pricklybloom]

I see. That would be pretty difficult. [ Though it doesn't entirely answer her question. ] What kind of thing are you working on?

text; un: coffeefiend

[ichoosefight]

I get how you feel. But the thing is, you don't have to be useful. Kindness isn't something you have to earn. It's a basic right. You can lose that right with certain people, sure, but you hold the door for a stranger. That's just basic human decency.

What makes you think your loved ones are suffering because of you?

[queenofkur]

Last month I attempted to take on a number of quests. Unfortunately, the outcomes proved to be disastrous. It is only thanks to the kindness of my friends and strangers alike that those quests were completed. There are many other such examples. (⊙︿⊙✿)

I see the wisdom behind your words. For humans whose lives are so short and fleeting, the decency you speak is of is an absolute. But for one such as myself, I cannot envision my own existence as having any value unless I am useful.

[ichoosefight]

Why should that make any difference? Life has value, whether it lasts a day or a millenium. Besides, the people you're worried about are probably human, or human-like, and they're the ones giving out the kindness.

Listen, I've messed up more than my share of missions. As long as nobody gets too badly hurt, failing a quest isn't the end of the world. Experience is how you learn, anyway. And anyone who acts like your lack of experience is a personal failing is an asshole.

text; un: nleclair

[localdeliveryboy]

Sounds like you've been having a rough time of things, but I think I get where you're coming from.

I'm guessing your torches are saying things like 'its okay' and the like?

[queenofkur]

My torches? (O_O;)

I am afraid I have no torches and if I did, I am doubtful they would have the ability to speak.

[localdeliveryboy]

Oh. Torch means friends, or a friendly way to address someone.

[ No one has ever really stopped him like this. It occurs to him that no one has called him the same since he arrived, which means no one uses it like the people in his world do. ]

Sorry. I just realized I seem to be the only person here who uses that.

text: un: ahtohallan

[readytolearn]

After discovering the true purpose of my existence back home, I felt a sense of fullfilment much like you with your duties. Here, we I have no such purpose. It's hard to find your place, isn't it? You feel lost, especially when your own powers are gone.

But I've learned that I can find myself a new purpose here. While it might take a while and it may not be the same and I might not feel the same kind of fullfilment as I do back home, I feel like just trying your best to do what you can is definitely enough.

So, let's both do our best? I'm sure you'll discover what it is you can do eventually.

[queenofkur]

So you were born to fulfill a singular purpose as well? And you lost your powers? I suppose there is some comfort in knowing I am not alone facing such a predicament, even though I wouldn't wish such a fate to anyone.

I have difficulties not feeling guilt and a sense of uselessness when I try other things... But to abandon would be even worse, wouldn't it? (×_×)

Thank you for your kind words. I shall definitely endeavor to do my best.

[readytolearn]

Yes. You aren't alone in your worries and struggles. It's not an ideal situation... but at least we'll have support in one another, yes? If you ever wish to talk in private, you can contact this account. I'll always be willing to listen. Either anon, like this, or not. I will keep your secrets.

I know how that feels as well, but the faster we help put an end to this Calamity the sooner we can get back to our own duties, wouldn't you say?

Video / un; Chasseur

[resistetmords]

The first and hardest hurdle would most likely be to simply accept the kindness and friendship being offered to you. You don't have to do anything to be given kindness, or have others offer it to you.

You just have to be you.

Second, please don't say you're a bother. No one is ever really a bother! And no one will be suffering because of you. That's probably going to be the other, most difficult, thing to get past. I'm certain you've made more than one person smile simply by being there with them.

So, that being said. Perhaps start with things that you enjoy?

[queenofkur]

I do accept their kindness. I have not turned them down, not once. I do however feel more and more guilt as it becomes apparent their kindness is misplaced.

The same is true of things I enjoy. I cannot help but feel guilt when I do such things. It is strange, but not illogical I suppose.

What if me just isn't good enough in this world? I would love to believe I am not a bother, but objective facts say otherwise. ☆⌒(> _ <)

text; un: beaumains

[beaumains]

Kindness and friendship shouldn't require you to be useful to someone, to anyone. These relationships shouldn't be based on what you contribute.

[queenofkur]

Is that really true? While I do believe you are correct, I cannot help but feel guilt at contributing nothing but suffering to those I call friends.