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video; un: beaumains

[ Outside the cottage that Gareth shares with Kadoc, the young knight is working up a sweat, dressed down to a tank top with a towel draped over her shoulders. It's hard to ignore just how much lean muscle the seemingly petite woman has in a situation like this.

She pulls a swig from her water bottle, sighing. ]

It's hard to believe I'm spending another summer in this Avalon. It really leads one to think, you know?

About time... about what it even means in a place like this. About what's going to become of all of us when this is over...

It sort of makes one think they should use their time here more urgently, right?

[ One big swig. A long pause, and... ]

... I really need to get out more.

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[Of course he's just going to come outside to sit with her when he sees this go up. To work out with her? Like hell. Who do you think he is? But taking a seat nearby in the grass, that's good enough. He can be moral support. As if Gareth needs that during a workout.]

Hey. . . . You wanna talk, or you wanna work out? I thought hardcore exercise was supposed to help clear your mind, but sounds like you're getting the exact opposite right now.

[ Gareth groaned slightly, slumping down to the floor beside him and taking another swig from her bottle. ]

I just... I didn't expect to be here so long, you know? And I feel like I've sort of just... prattled away my time, guilelessly.

So what is it you wanna urgently use your time on?

[A little teasing. But only a little; he's smiling, because it's not like he doesn't understand. It's a constant struggle, really, and maybe it's one they have similar perspectives on—because they're both on borrowed time. She's a Servant, and he's not, but he is a human from a world on its last legs, and he won't be going home to a normal life. He's not sure how much life he'll be going home to at all.

So what do you do with borrowed time? Cram in your bucket list? Or enjoy not having to cram in anything the way you thought you were doomed to?]

That's just the thing, I hardly... know. I just feel the urge to do something about it, you know?

Yeah, I get it. It's all screwed up here. Saving the universe or whatever feels so urgent, except we can't rush it, so in the meantime it's a lot of just living our lives. I haven't known how to do that for years at this point. I guess you probably haven't either.

[They're learning it, but it's not always satisfying.]

You got any ideas? A bucket list?

I could always still grab you by the shoulders and give you a snog.

[ OBVIOUSLY a joke, from the way Gareth laughed. They were both well past that, by now. But as she said it, she did feel... a little something. ]

Actually... in this sort of world where it's more peaceful than not... I feel my loneliness get more pronounced...

[His ears go pink even as he laughs. It's a joke, but it's not like he's immune! He is not and never will be totally immune to a cute girl making a joke like that at him, however familial their relationship might be! But he settles after that moment, nodding shallowly.]

Yeah. That only makes sense, if you ask me. It's one thing to never have time to think about it 'cuz crap never stops happening, and another to have all this time on your hands . . . it's you, though. I'm surprised you'd have any trouble. Unless it's just a matter of not clicking with anyone.

Less that and more... I suppose I just still have a lot of myself to get past.

[ Gareth sighed. ]

I keep... thinking about Lyonesse. If I even have the right to think that way about anyone else. We never got to say goodbye, after all...

. . . I mean, I get it.

[He does. At least on some level. It's taken him this long to wrestle with all his conflicted feelings about Anastasia, and it's not like he's over it yet, either. There are so many ways in which the whole thing still holds him back, and he wasn't even in a relationship with her. Nothing like what Gareth had had with Lyonesse.]

I dunno if this sounds completely hollow or trite, but I'm gonna say it because I actually believe it. I think she'd want you to have that right. . . . Most of us don't really get to say goodbye. She wouldn't want that tragedy to just . . . become a whole other tragedy for you all over again by making you feel like you've gotta be alone.

[ She couldn't... really argue with that sentiment. It wasn't as if Kadoc could ever have known if Lyonesse would have felt that way or not. But that impossibility, that inconsistency in reality, didn't make what he was saying feel any less... real. ]

Maybe...

But I also worry I'll inevitably end up just going for someone like her, as if they were some sort of... replacement.

I was flirtatious with a young maiden not unlike her over the holidays. It felt... nice... but later I couldn't help but feel guilty. Like I was just projecting onto her.

[That brings a little sound out of him that Kadoc himself can't quite identify. Not exactly a laugh. It isn't funny, after all. But a huff of something, with some dark humor, even if it isn't unkind humor. Maybe it's the remnants of some extreme self-deprecation he's actually made a little progress on getting over.]

Trust me, I know exactly how that feels. Every time some girl turns my head who reminds me of Anastasia in some way? I feel like I'm betraying three people at once. It's stupid as hell.

[And yet. And yet, there's another part of him, a simpler part, that really wants to know:]

. . . Who's this young maiden? Anyone I know?

A girl by the name of Rinea.

[ Another looooong drink. ]

... she was really pretty.

Oh my god.

[IT'S RINEA?! This is too funny; he lets out a choked, short, embarrassed laugh, rubbing his face after that escapes him.]

Yeah . . . she is. She's an incredible person. But she's also hot as hell.

[ Honestly, it was worth it that he didn't temper his reaction more if only because Gareth's came in a sort of wide eyed stare and a slight drop of her jaw before she whispered... ]

... Have we both gotten crushes on the same girl?

I mean, I feel a little weird calling it that, but . . . she's pretty special. We're just friends, though. I'm not gonna change that.

[There are so many reasons he doesn't feel comfortable with it. They're mostly stupid, but that doesn't make them magically go away. His embarrassment, pinking his cheeks, comes both from being called out on liking a girl and from knowing how dumb he is about it.]

I-I'm not intending to pursue her either, if that's what you're worried about! We've barely spoken since then, after all...

[ It was just... funny? Weird? Both? ]

Worried isn't the right word . . . I mean, if you actually wanted to, I'd be fine with that. That'd be awesome, actually.

[He says that because he means it, and then immediately worries that it sounds creepy. How else are you supposed to take it when some guy encourages two hot women to hook up because it'd be "awesome"? Oops.]

Just . . . 'cuz you both deserve someone amazing, that's all I meant.

I think it's probably been too long for me to approach her now... She probably doesn't even remember me.

[ Whatever Kadoc was worried about in his tone went right over Gareth's head, probably. Or, more likely, because he was Kadoc and not, say, Kotarou, she was more willing to read him on good faith. ]

You're not that easy to forget, Gareth.

[Just, generally speaking, holiday courtship aside. She's a memorable woman in any scenario. He grins at her, shoving aside his embarrassment.]

I'm just saying. It's not like it's gotta have anything to do with her specifically. I just wanted you to know that.

I suppose...

[ She hemmed for a moment, just sort of twisting her fingers over her water bottle. ]

Ah, but I still probably shouldn't, right? It's been almost half a year. I'm still sorting out my own feelings about Lyonesse. It's just...

[ Too much. ]

It's just what?

[Gently, though, watching her hand and then her face. He doesn't exactly want to interrogate her on this, and he'd be the world's worst at that anyway, but this is something she should work out, and if he can urge her on to do that, he wants to.]

Overwhelming...

[ A heavy sigh, slumping and sliding until she was laying flat on her back, staring up at the summer sky. ]

I'm lonely... but the agony of working through all of that feels like too much for me to handle...

[Kadoc reclines next to her, not sprawling out fully on his back, but leaning far back on his hands, digging his fingers into the grass.]

. . . Yeah. I get it. I'd say therapy or something, but I don't even know if they do that here. Big shock that I never looked into it, I know. I can't even make some shitty joke about "you'd know the world was ending," 'cuz obviously not even that happening got me to call anyone.

[More than once, even!]

I think working all this out would be worth it, but me thinking that doesn't magically make it easy on you. . . . I'd do anything I could to help you out.

You help out enough as it is... [ Gareth murmured, reaching to rub at his arm, as if she was the one reassuring him, in all of this. ]

Don't feel like you have to do more.

[He lifts his head and tips it in the grass just enough to offer her a tired smile. Which is stupid, he thinks. He's not the one working out or the one going through this; what does he have to be tired about? But it's heavy, and it's not like he can't relate.]

I'm not offering 'cuz I feel obligated. I offered 'cuz I'd want to do it. It's completely different.

video; un: beaumains

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