[For several long moments, several breaths, probably way more than it appropriately feels like, Aerith says nothing. Instead, as she takes in each kind thing Tifa has to say, her heart just increasingly lodges right into her throat. She isn't sure how much she believes in the reassurance.
She's not selfish? No. She's pretty sure she's been selfish all along. Isn't it, on some level, selfish to protect one's self? The intentions behind it are meant to be good, but all it really does is imply that she thinks her opinions are the most important ones to follow. In the process of protecting herself, all she does is disregard how Tifa might feel about her. How Balthier undeniably does feel about her. She pushes and pushes and pushes, builds this massive wall, and tries to keep everyone out. What is that if not selfish? Protecting herself is just an excuse to do it. It all comes down to responsibility.
"...we don't even have to talk at all, if all you need is someone."
What a concept. Aerith has needed someone for so many years of her life that simply thinking about it makes her ache. She's thought it once or twice before since her arrival, but even being in the flower shop, surrounded by the things she loves so dearly, making the number of acquaintances she has, there's still something in it all that has left her feeling remarkably lonely. It has little to do with companionship. It's more empathy and emotional support, things that, like happiness, Aerith has repeatedly denied herself. Not sharing herself, her situations, the things that burden her, have left her a self-made island and in some ways, an outcast of her own volition. Perhaps for the betterment of others, but for her, heartbreaking in many ways.
Tifa's words settle deep within her and she feels like crying all over again. For just some moments, she scrapes her teeth over her bottom lip and simply holds it, as if it's a last resort in just holding herself together. Crying isn't going to solve anything, after all. She's done enough of it in her personal time and it's accomplished absolutely nothing.]
Isn't that what you're doing now. [She finally manages to begin, ignoring the subtle waver in her voice.] You dropped everything just to come see me and sit with me. To make me stop working, so I stop trying to avoid everything or cover it up. Being my strength when I feel like I have none, even though I know that I do. If you weren't here—
[Gods, if she wasn't here... Aerith would be a mess. Just the mere notion chokes her up abruptly. No matter how much she might care about Balthier, he is no Tifa and what she has with her is undeniably unique and special.]
—Jeez. You are here. That's what matters. Thank you for still being here.
no subject
She's not selfish? No. She's pretty sure she's been selfish all along. Isn't it, on some level, selfish to protect one's self? The intentions behind it are meant to be good, but all it really does is imply that she thinks her opinions are the most important ones to follow. In the process of protecting herself, all she does is disregard how Tifa might feel about her. How Balthier undeniably does feel about her. She pushes and pushes and pushes, builds this massive wall, and tries to keep everyone out. What is that if not selfish? Protecting herself is just an excuse to do it. It all comes down to responsibility.
"...we don't even have to talk at all, if all you need is someone."
What a concept. Aerith has needed someone for so many years of her life that simply thinking about it makes her ache. She's thought it once or twice before since her arrival, but even being in the flower shop, surrounded by the things she loves so dearly, making the number of acquaintances she has, there's still something in it all that has left her feeling remarkably lonely. It has little to do with companionship. It's more empathy and emotional support, things that, like happiness, Aerith has repeatedly denied herself. Not sharing herself, her situations, the things that burden her, have left her a self-made island and in some ways, an outcast of her own volition. Perhaps for the betterment of others, but for her, heartbreaking in many ways.
Tifa's words settle deep within her and she feels like crying all over again. For just some moments, she scrapes her teeth over her bottom lip and simply holds it, as if it's a last resort in just holding herself together. Crying isn't going to solve anything, after all. She's done enough of it in her personal time and it's accomplished absolutely nothing.]
Isn't that what you're doing now. [She finally manages to begin, ignoring the subtle waver in her voice.] You dropped everything just to come see me and sit with me. To make me stop working, so I stop trying to avoid everything or cover it up. Being my strength when I feel like I have none, even though I know that I do. If you weren't here—
[Gods, if she wasn't here... Aerith would be a mess. Just the mere notion chokes her up abruptly. No matter how much she might care about Balthier, he is no Tifa and what she has with her is undeniably unique and special.]
—Jeez. You are here. That's what matters. Thank you for still being here.