[Aerith remains quiet for more moments than is likely necessary. She doesn't really know how to put it in any other way than she already has. She doesn't want to hurt more than is actually required. Why does she need to say anything more than that? Almost without a beat of hesitation, she regrets, yet again, trying to have this conversation.
As she stalls for time, she takes a long drink from her cup and it doesn't take much for her to completely empty it.
And finally, she concludes that maybe. Just maybe. She should just be honest.]
Because my feelings for Balthier are more than I thought they would be. They're more than what I was prepared for. I want to be with him. I don't want to go back home. I want to stay with him. That's not going to happen and I know that. The more time I spend with him, the harder it gets because I have to face not only saying goodbye to him plus anyone else I've met here, but because there is no guarantee that I can fix anything back home for the rest of us either. I'm trying to. We all are. But I might be wrong. It might all be for nothing. I can't go in assuming we'll succeed. That's not right and it's not fair and I'm not going to lie and try to convince anyone that everything's going to be okay.
[Aerith shakes her head slowly.]
So I should be satisfied knowing that on top of having to part ways with someone I genuinely want to be with for longer than a week, longer than a year, who knows how long, go home without a fuss whenever that happens, hope that I have the ability to stop a man I have no idea right now how to actually stop, and still possibly end up failing while saying goodbye to you, to Cloud, to everyone. How am I supposed to be okay with that? I keep pretending that it's all fine. That everything is fine. That if I tell myself that enough, I might just one day wake up and believe it. But it isn't fine. If I have to keep pretending, then... then I guess that's what I have to do.
[Tapping her fingertips against her cup, she draws in a long breath and holds it as she pieces herself together.]
no subject
As she stalls for time, she takes a long drink from her cup and it doesn't take much for her to completely empty it.
And finally, she concludes that maybe. Just maybe. She should just be honest.]
Because my feelings for Balthier are more than I thought they would be. They're more than what I was prepared for. I want to be with him. I don't want to go back home. I want to stay with him. That's not going to happen and I know that. The more time I spend with him, the harder it gets because I have to face not only saying goodbye to him plus anyone else I've met here, but because there is no guarantee that I can fix anything back home for the rest of us either. I'm trying to. We all are. But I might be wrong. It might all be for nothing. I can't go in assuming we'll succeed. That's not right and it's not fair and I'm not going to lie and try to convince anyone that everything's going to be okay.
[Aerith shakes her head slowly.]
So I should be satisfied knowing that on top of having to part ways with someone I genuinely want to be with for longer than a week, longer than a year, who knows how long, go home without a fuss whenever that happens, hope that I have the ability to stop a man I have no idea right now how to actually stop, and still possibly end up failing while saying goodbye to you, to Cloud, to everyone. How am I supposed to be okay with that? I keep pretending that it's all fine. That everything is fine. That if I tell myself that enough, I might just one day wake up and believe it. But it isn't fine. If I have to keep pretending, then... then I guess that's what I have to do.
[Tapping her fingertips against her cup, she draws in a long breath and holds it as she pieces herself together.]
There's nothing else I can do.