avalononline | text; un: Rider

IT DID! what makes u think it didnt. that one saber is just a cheat

[ see: she used light magic to make her sword invisible. ]

but thats a surprise. thought u didnt like what i do.

Nothing, nothing made me think that! I just wasn't sure how far you made it, is all. I wasn't there to see it and I'm a little disappointed I didn't get to see it.

[ Not that he usually like shows of violence, but...it's different when Izō's involved. ]

I don't, but you can't deny it's usually effective.

of course it's effective!

but now i know u gotta be trying to butter me up to say shit like that.

[ which normally might make sense because he assumes he'll be asked to do something but there are a lot less things that call for his particular skill set around here. ]

No, not at all. Why do you always assume I have ulterior motives? I'm always straight forward with you when I need something. Just let me be nice to you without getting suspicious for once.

[ Not that he doesn't understand that reaction, of course. It's hard not to be suspicious of everyone else's motives when you've been used for their means. ]

cuz nobody does shit for free

[ specific personal issues aside, that's just how the world works, or at least it does under slightly better circumstances where he might get paid as opposed to just getting tossed aside when it's convenient.

it's also his immediate thought because ryouma isn't the only person lately who has more or less said the same thing. ]

I'm not even asking you to do anything right now. Or at all.

[ It would be nice to be able to rely on Izō to fill in where his own skills are lacking, but he's not counting on that happening anytime soon, nor does he expect it from him. ]

So just accept the compliments, okay?

not like ur gonna quit just cuz i say so anyway

[ ... ]

just
stop trying so hard
if u want me to believe u dont say shit u dont mean just cuz u think its what i wanna hear. and im not talking about compliments either.

[ as usual, izō doesn't see why ryouma would even bother for someone like him, but he has a long way to go. ]

what are u scared of me now? u dont gotta tiptoe around like im gonna explode
have a fuckin drink or something

[ izō really has no idea how things should be or even what he wants, only that adding more tension — which he probably caused in the first place — only sets him more on edge. if either of them is going to find a way to relax, chances are it's not going to be him. ]

[ This is probably a conversation best had in person, but he has a feeling that won't happen anytime soon. Getting Izō to not just storm off when things got difficult to deal with is nigh impossible.

Which is why he decides to keep going anyway. ]

I'm not scared of you -- I never have been. And I meant everything I said. You might not believe it, but I don't want to lie to you. I would never lie to you to stay on your good side.

[ Ugh. It always comes down to this. There's a long, difficult road ahead to try to mend this and maybe make Izō see some kind of value in himself. Ryouma will stay the course as long as he's able. ]

If you want to talk more about this, I'd rather do it face-to-face.

fine.

[ texting is great but he'd prefer not to attempt to write out anything more complex than he already has. while avoidance is the easier, preferable option, it's only going to keep hanging over his head. never can tell what might get lost in translation either. ]

where? cuz im guessing ur more broke than i am

[ Oh...he...agreed? That's...not at all what he was expecting. ]

Well, you're right about that.

[ For once. He doesn't say that, though. ]

I'm still staying at the hotel, I'll send you my room number so you can come up whenever. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

[ it's not an instantaneous appearance, but that also hadn't been his first stop. izō wasn't kidding about having that drink. it's fair to say he's mostly taking his own advice on that, seeing as he'd almost talked himself out of it a couple of times before getting here. ]

Got sick of typin'.

[ this is what he offers by way of explanation whenever ryouma answers the door, just before shoving a bag with a bottle in it at him. ]

And don't get yer hopes up. Didn't have much left after the other night, so nothin' fancy.

[ beats drinking alone anyway. ]

[ Truth be told, he'd expected it to be longer or not at all, which is exactly why he's taken aback when he hears Izō's approach. Hat off, jacket off, he looks more relaxed than usual. It's a relief to see him and he takes the forcible offering with a brief smile. ]

You didn't have to bring me anything. [ It's not a rejection, of course. He knows better than to turn down a gift like that. ] Make yourself at home.

[ Not that there's a lot of space, but there's enough room for both of them. Ryouma takes a seat on the edge of the bed before he takes the bottle out. With a lack of glassware, the only option is to pass it. So he takes a drink and holds the bottle out for Izō to take. ]

...I meant every bit of what I said. I know why you don't want to believe me, but you're not going to get rid of me that easily.

[ He's not going to leave him behind again. He can't say that exactly because it will probably set Izō off and that's the last thing he wants right now. A more delicate approach is necessary, but not so delicate it makes Izō more angry. ]

[ izō sits down on the opposite edge of the bed, tucking his legs under himself and leaning back against the wall. he takes the bottle when it's given, just about to drink from it when ryouma picks right up where they left off. ]

Yeah? And why's that, anyway? Been gettin' along on my own just fine for a long time.

[ he's simply stating a fact. maybe he could've taken a jab at ryouma in saying so, but that's not what he's focused on at the moment. izō pauses to take a drink, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and offering the bottle back again. ]

Not lookin' to be anybody's charity case.

[ that comes with a weird sense of deja vu since he'd definitely said the same thing to jane, but that's a thought for another time. ]

Can't say yer life wouldn't be easier if ya just saved yourself the trouble.

You're not a charity case. [ Firmly, maybe a little too firmly. He takes a moment to compose himself and softens his tone up. ] I'm not saying you wouldn't be fine on your own.

[ "I want to show you I care." No. Too straightforward. This is harder than he'd thought it'd be -- not that that ever stopped him before. He takes another, longer drink, wincing at the harshness of the booze. Ryouma offers him the bottle once again. ]

I never did like taking the easy way out. I still want to [ Be around you. Be near you. Be able to watch out for you. ] be your friend, as much as you'll let me. I don't expect you to forgive me for what happened back then, but...please just grant me that much.

[ Now he's starting to doubt his own convictions. Why is he doing this -- Is it out of obligation or to assuage his own guilt? No...It really is because he cares. There is a want to make up for the way their paths diverted, sure, but that's not the driving purpose for this. He's doing this out of genuine affection for someone he did consider a good friend, someone who deserves better than the hand life gave him. He couldn't do that for him when they were alive, maybe he can do it now.

If Izō will let him. ]

[ how many times has this been now? enough to notice when ryouma adjusts his tone, so he must be wearing him down. considering that's what izō's been insisting on this whole time, you'd think he'd be happier about it. he has nothing to offer — even less so here, it feels like, with things as peaceful as they are — and the only thing he knows how to do is push people away. izō's sure he's meant to be alone, and that's what's best for everyone involved... so why is he the only one who can see it?

he takes the bottle back and has another drink, knowing he had planned to take it easy. exercise a little moderation for once, at least to keep his head on straight (as if he's ever been good at that). it's stupid enough to make him chuckle, the sound rough and strained. the better of two possible options, really, because crying feels equally likely. one more sip, and he reaches over to hand it back, but then ryouma's words surprise him. please grant me. that feels like too much, certainly more than he deserves. hard not to feel guilty about that too. ]

You don't gotta—... with everything else goin' on out there...

[ the whole fate of the multiverse and all. not that he's been going out of his way to help, but there are obviously bigger things to be concerned about. why should ryouma waste a minute longer trying to convince him? izō's awkwardness makes the words come out even more clumsy than usual. ]

It'd really make ya that happy keepin' somebody like me around?

[ the urge to continue and list all over again all the reasons ryouma shouldn't want to is there in the back of his mind as usual, but he bites his tongue. it's probably clear enough just looking at him. this is the burden you're saddling yourself with. ]

[ There's so much he wants to say, but the words don't come, not yet. The alcohol hit him harder than he expected -- a consequence of being newly human again. It's fine...Maybe it'll loosen up his tongue a little bit.

The way Izō looks at him wounds him like a knife stuck in his chest. A fearsome manslayer looking so withdrawn and upset. An overwhelming urge to hug Izō strikes him, but he resists, if only because he's sure Izō will spurn him for it. So he doesn't. He does shift closer as he takes one last drink, offering the nearly empty bottle once more to him. ]

'Course it would. [ The more the drink hits him, the looser his carefully controlled accident coverage slips. His tone remains gentle, a broad smile on his face. ] Ya make my life more interestin'. If I didn't have ya 'round, what kinda life'd that be? I'd be bored outta my mind.

[ And then, despite his best judgement telling him otherwise, he reaches out a gloved hand to rest on Izō's knee. It's still safer than the urge to hug him. ]

I ain't gonna let ya push me away. An'...I'm not goin' leave ya behind again.

[ He shouldn't say things like that he can't guarantee, if only because it'll hurt that much more and shatter the trust he's trying to rebuild. As long as there's still breath in his body, he'll hold himself to it. ]

[ he takes the bottle but doesn't drink from it again just yet, letting it lean against his leg while he keeps a hand on it. it's enough just to breathe and hold himself together right now. this would be a lot under any circumstances, but he feels the added strain of his time here as well. cursed fae mirrors exposing things he likes to keep tightly under wraps to total strangers left him feeling vulnerable as it is, and now..? he can only hide so much behind his scarf, so he tries a different tactic: deflection. ]

That's all it takes to get ya soundin' like yourself again, huh? [ that's worth noting, actually... for Reasons. ] Lightweight.

[ his voice cracking when he tries to laugh sounds particularly pathetic, so he takes this opportunity to finish off the bottle. probably a good thing, too, since ryouma setting his hand on his knee almost makes him jump. his face already feels too hot, and now his ears feel like they're burning, and the only consolation is maybe ryouma's already too drunk to remember those details later. ]

And ya keep sayin' that like I don't know yer a damn busybody. Even if I did keep pushin' I know ya wouldn't listen.

[ he already knows ryouma wouldn't have managed to do the things he'd done in life or as a servant if he was one to give up easily. izō doesn't comment on the other part. he heard it, but he's afraid to even really think about it, if only because it means having to consider a situation where he might find himself totally alone again. this — whatever he wants to call this; are they friends now, again? — is much too fragile to bear that kind of weight, so he sets that aside. they're just words. izō does still feel a bit guilty, especially since the sound of ryouma's voice so easily reminds him of old times, but he can't; izō has to figure out how to trust again too.

he's about to say something else when he gets momentarily sidetracked by a rustling sound that had appeared at some point. having a familiar is still new and strange, but he's getting used to having it pop up at random times to nose into his business — literally — so that's what he's expecting when he glances back over his shoulder. ]

Oh, fuck you. [ it's fine. he just shifts positions a little. having a filter so he didn't just say things would be great, but he has no such thing. ] S'nothin'.

[ his already poorly controlled magic definitely doesn't get worse when he's drinking or anything. he's ignoring it and everyone else should too. as a matter of fact, this isn't even about him. ]

Coulda just asked earlier, y'know. Instead of makin' posts, I mean...

Oh stop it, ya know I don't drink much.

[ So yes, he is a lightweight.

He lets his touch linger for a moment, definitely noting how red his ears turn before moving his hand away. Oh no, that is dangerously cute...Don't. Now is not the time for that -- this conversation is going much better than he thought it would and doing anything to jeopardize that is out of the question.

That doesn't stop him from getting a little too excited about what's going on with Izō. Is it his familiar...? No, not that he can see. A shame that because he hasn't seen another besides his own. He still leans in closer to see what all the fuss is about. ]

Eh...? What's goin' on? Is it your familiar? Can I see it?

[ Not the time!! At least he has the self-awareness to look embarrassed as he backs out of Izō's personal space again. He offers a sheepish smile, both for his behavior and in response to the question. ]

'm sorry 'bout that. I wanted t' make sure there really wasn't another 'me' around here. That ain't outta th' question in a place like this, y'know? I wasn't tryin' t' make a fool outta ya or nothin'.

[ That really is the truth of the matter. Things are weird here and all possibilities needed to be considered. If he really only thought it was Izō, he would've gone to him first. ]

Edited 2021-09-15 13:59 (UTC)

H-hey, why ya so nosy?!

[ despite his protest, he's not angry, but only because he's still flustered and embarrassed. ]

Ain't nothin' special anyway even if it was my familiar. Nothin' ya probably haven't seen before...

[ he couldn't have bonded with something cool and interesting like a dragon or a tiger or something, could he? his mind's a bit sluggish as he is, so by the time he settles enough to be irritated again, ryouma's already backed off again anyway and answered his question.

he brushes away what feels like stray hairs tickling his face, not realising the itchy feeling is where his hair has settled differently now that he also has a pair of triangular ears to match the tail he doesn't want ryouma to know about. ]

... Oh. Y'know I forgot about that. I remember people were sayin' there were another Nobunaga runnin' around besides Kipposhi for a while. Like anybody needs more of them. This whole thing's a big enough headache without havin' to keep track of doubles.

[ no, having to deal with one of anybody is enough.

...

wait. ]

Yah! Like that cheatin' Saber! She looked kinda like Okita but she had a Western-style of fightin'.

[ as of when he'd come from, no one had encountered artoria and she was hiding her sword anyway. just some famous knight or something probably, right? ]

[ He is listening to every word Izō says, really he is -- ignore how intently his eyes have locked onto those little ears nearly hidden by his unruly hair. There'd a twinkle of pure joy and wonder in his gaze, his mouth open just a little bit in a slight grin.. He doesn't even noticed himself removing his gloves. There's no part of him that isn't committed to what's about to happen, save for a scrap of common sense screaming at him to stop.

Ryouma doesn't listen to that screaming. Nope, by the time he has any reservations about what he's doing, it's too late. He is already stroking one ear with his fingertips, marveling at how soft it is. It's softer than the rest of his hair, which he also finds himself petting.

Izō is going to kill him. He's going to gut him and leave him in a pool of his own blood and rightfully so. Knowing this fact, he still doesn't stop. Instead, he just looks mortified at his own actions, unable to stop or even say anything to defend himself. His face flushes in embarrassment and yet he continues to pet.

Take him, sweet death. ]

Edited 2021-09-15 22:47 (UTC)

[ of course, when he does notice ryouma's curious expression it just makes his ears perk up more. the unspoken question mark. taking the gloves off doesn't even register because there's no reason to think that might be connected. probably just trying to relax. no, izō mostly doesn't realise what's happening until it happens...

yes, izō is going to kill him. that's what he's decided. his mind's all made up. the disrespect! he even looks pissed off, like he wants to yell. so... why hasn't he moved yet? it's like something keeps undermining his killing intent. sure, he could murder ryouma, which is what the human part of his mind would like to do to save face in this situation, but that seems like a lot of effort when he could also not do that and sit here and feel nice, which is the argument the part of him that controls his newly acquired canine traits is banking on, apparently. it's only out of stubbornness that he manages to avoid leaning into it, but it's bad enough. he's a manslayer! he's supposed to be feared! this is not the dog analogy he wanted.

is it worse that this is happening in the first place or that it's working? ]

Oi, Ryouma. The fuck you doin'?

[ you can't just pet people. ]

[ Well, his hand has not been bitten off, so that's a good start. Now if only the earth would swallow him up right this instant so he doesn't have to answer for his extremely poor manners. Since he's already as ashamed as he can possibly get, he allows himself one more little stroke of Izō's ear before putting his face into his hands. ]

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I dunno what came over me. Those ears were jus' so cute... [ He looks up finally, red-faced as ever. Is he drunk enough to make this even worse? ] Don't tell me you're hidin' a tail, too.

[ Yes, yes he is. ]

Cute...

[ you can't just say that either! this is why izō doesn't take compliments: he's incapable of knowing how to deal with compliments. ]

I'll show ya cute.

[ grumbling now. that sounded like a threat when it was still in his head. less so outside of it. ]

Yer lucky I just ain't in the mood to kill ya right now.

[ it's a very multi-purpose excuse that could have been the end of it if ryouma didn't open his mouth again...

izō reaches behind him to pin the stupid thing down because it seems to want to wag at everything he finds infuriating, which gives that away even before he says anything. ]

So what if I was?! You keep yer hands to yourself!

[ today in "things he didn't wake up imagining he'd have to say". ]

[ Shame and embarrassment be damned, that's a tail! Attached to his friend! Produced by magic! Ryouma looks genuinely impressed and absolutely enamored by it, so much so that he certainly does not heed that emphatic warning and reaches for it. ]

Is it because'a your magic? Ya really are somethin' special, Izō.

[ There's an immense fondness and warmth in his tone. It's not just words, he really does think it's amazing that Izō can conjure up such realistic ears and tail, even if he didn't mean to! What wonders this world holds... ]

[ izō freezes, surprised at how much that still affects him. is he really this easy? it was a lot easier to dismiss things as lies when it was only in text, and he could read whatever tone into it that he wanted. whether he believes it or not, for some reason, ryouma does, and it's as confusing to him now as ever. maybe even more so, because if anything, hadn't the gap between their abilities grown?

and yet it's the same as the other things he's said in the past that stuck in izō's mind and have always complicated matters no matter how much izō's wanted to hate him. ]

Jus' somethin' that happens when I been drinkin' sometimes. Ain't like I can control it...

[ and the stupid fluffy tail only continues to betray him because the one brain cell that matters only hears good boy. ]

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